“Are you gonna come in?”

I look up at Sash and shake my head. “I don’t think I can.” I huff out a long, sad breath. “I know I can’t, Sash. I can’t face what happened in there today. I did it all wrong, man. But I panicked when she said he had you. I just fucking panicked. I thought I was gonna lose you and you know what?”

Sash bites her lip and shakes her head. The worry is plastered all over her face. Has she ever seen me like this? Has anyone ever seen me like this? I don’t think so. I left this guy behind in Boston. The kid who used violence to shut out his fear. Who wanted to be an emotionless mercenary to make the feelings he didn’t understand go away.

No one but my dad has ever seen me like this.

“Tell me. Merc. Because I’m scared right now.” She is too. I can feel the fear all around her. Not of me. I’d never hurt her and she knows that. But I’ve always been a very self-destructive man. She’s worried for me.

And I do not deserve it.

“I saved you that night because I killed that little girl.” I nod at her, but she says nothing. “And I thought I could wipe that sin away, ya know? But all I did was make it worse for someone else. Sydney was caught in my guilt and she suffered. I can’t even comprehend what she’s thinking right now. The level of betrayal she must feel.”

Sasha walks over and places a hand on my shoulder, giving it a little squeeze of support. “You know what?”

I take a deep breath and ask, “What?”

“I think you made a mistake when you chose me.”

“Fuck that.”

“Because I’ve never needed saving, Merc. Never. I was always gonna get away that night. I knew they were coming for me and I was ready. Maybe I was only twelve, but my father spent every minute of our time together training me to take care of myself. I never needed you that night and she did. And she still needs you, Merc. So I think you just need to admit you should’ve done it different and forgive yourself for it.”

I don’t know what to say back to her. How can I admit that choosing her was wrong? “That decision seemed so easy at the time, Sash. How did I manage to fuck it all up? Would letting Garrett take that first little girl have made Sydney’s life better or worse? There’s just no way to know. And I guess that’s what the hard choices really are. Leaps of faith that you’re doing the right thing. Leaps of faith that you’re doing enough.”

When I look up at her she’s frowning. “You did your best, Merc. No one is judging you for that choice but you.”

“And Sydney.”

“No,” Sasha says. “She’s mad, she feels betrayed. But she’s not judging you. How can she say her life is worth more than mine? I’m certainly not saying my life is worth more than hers. But she can’t judge you, Merc. Because she knows that given a choice like that, she couldn’t be trusted to make the right one either. She can’t even make the right choices for herself, let alone three other people.”

It stings that Sasha includes that first little girl in this equation. Maybe killing her wasn’t the answer after all. Maybe my whole life is a lie I’ve been telling myself.

“No one knows. You just do what you can and hope you did enough,” she continues.

“I didn’t do enough. I know that now. I could’ve gone back for her. I had opportunities. And I didn’t. I let my lust for revenge take over my life. And so here I am. The noble choice I thought I made is just another sin in my long, long list of unforgivable acts.

Sasha sighs. “Sometimes, Merc, things are just unwinnable. You have to accept it like the rest of us little people.”

I shoot her a look.

“Or,” she smiles. “You suck in your pride and take it back.” She squeezes my shoulder one more time. “And then make up for it.”

I look up at her and wonder how to admit I made the wrong choice? Because all her stackable moments add up to this smart, strong, beautiful woman. And if I had left her to fend for herself that night, where would she be now? “It’s unwinnable, I guess.”

“Hey, Merc?”

I stare at her. “What?”

“If you don’t think you did your best you still have time, you know. You’re a genius. Go do something genuine.” And then she walks away and leaves me there.

“When you’ve done all you can, you’ve done your best. No one has a right to ask for more.”

– Sydney

Brett is sleeping when I let myself into his house and make my way to his room. It’s a nice house, for Cheyenne, anyway. He’s got about fifty acres, which sits idle. Just blah grassland surrounding his home. Not many trees, but there’s a big pond on the property, and that gives it some much-needed character.

It’s too big for one guy, too. Four bedrooms, full walk-out basement, plus a finished attic. But if you have a large family, it’s perfect.

I wish I could say that’s why I was here. To get back to my old life and have that wedding I missed. But I can’t.

I press the FN Five-SeveN into his temple and whisper, “Move, asshole. Give me a reason to blow it off.” I really want him to give me a reason. I really want to picture Case’s face as I do it.

Brett opens his eyes, startled enough to try to sit up before he realizes what’s happening. “Sydney?” He really does look confused.

But I know better now. It was a long drive home. I can’t even count how many times I had to stop on the side of some desolate dirt road just to scream the demons out of my fucked-up mind. Took me two days to get here because of it.

“Why all girls, Brett?”

“What?” He laughs a little so I press the gun against his temple a little harder. “Sydney, what are you doing?”

“Those nieces of yours. Why all girls?”

“I don’t know—”

I slam the butt of the gun down on his face so hard his teeth crack. He sits up, reaching for my weapon, but I shoot him in the shoulder. The suppressor on the end of my barrel lets off a soft supersonic crack that sounds more like a harmless firecracker than a gun.

But it does the job and blood splatter is everywhere. Brett rolls with the force of the high-velocity cartridge and he ends up face down on the bed.

I wish I had time for a lengthy conversation—I’d like to get some answers. Maybe an apology. Or even a pathetic justification. We’re saving the world, Sydney. I wish I had time for that, because maybe I’d feel better about the evil people do in the name of the Company.

But I don’t have time for that. I feel sick and I just want to leave. Plus the back of his head is too much of an invitation to let it pass.

Assassination-style is how Brett enters the darkness.

My heart doesn’t even beat fast over this kill. Not one bit. Because he deserves it.

The many stops on the side of the road came with memories. More proof that my life is just one long lie.

The sisters up at the lodge? Not sisters. Wives.

Those adorable tow-headed baby girls? Future collateral damage.

My wedding to Brett? A promise made years ago by my father.

Garrett knew, which was why he bowed out of the ‘relationship’ we had and disappeared. Oh, the brainwashing continued. I was too volatile to leave to my own devices. But over time, I stopped resisting with the help of drugs. Brett made sure I kept those up while we were officially together.

When all this hit me on the way home, I thought there was no way I could change any of it. I was still reeling from the lies and betrayal. Still filled with self-loathing and shame. And maybe this doesn’t change anything? Maybe those wives of his really are on board with what they’re doing? I have no way of knowing.

But taking this man’s life has to change things in some way. Even if it’s a small way. Maybe it makes those little girls’ lives better. Maybe not. But knowing Brett met his end gives me peace. At least I tried. I can’t kill their mothers and live with myself. I’m not Case. So I settle with erasing Brett’s influence over them.