But I know he’s lying.

It makes me so sad that the only offer I get is a lie.

He bunches up the comforter around my legs, being careful not to pull it down to expose my breasts—not that he hasn’t seen them a million times—and then gets the tray and places it on the mound of blankets.

I inhale the aroma.

“Roast,” he says, reading my mind. “And potatoes. It’s game, elk. But I know you like elk.” He pulls out a wad of gauze, some cotton balls, and medical tape from his jeans pocket and sits down next to me. “You eat with the good hand. I’ll wrap up the bad one.”

I’m still as he takes my burning hand and even though it hurts when he touches it, I don’t pull back.

I like the touch. I can’t help it.

“Eat,” he says, noticing my stillness. “It’s hot. I ate downstairs, if you’re wondering. But if you think I drugged it, I’ll eat half with you.” He smiles then. “You can feed me. Will that make you feel in control?”

I melt a little more. I might even blush. But I come to my senses and scoop up a forkful of meat and deliver it to his lips. He takes a bite, wincing, like it burns his tongue, and then he chews.

“See,” he says. That melty smile is back. “It’s not drugged. One for me, now one for you. Eat.”

I take a bite for myself and have to tuck down the moan at how good it is. I feed him another bite, and he says nothing as he wraps my hand in white gauze. He puts a cotton ball between my fingers to keep them from touching. I take more forkfuls of meat and potatoes, mostly forgetting to feed him. And when he’s finally done with my hand, I’m done with the food.

“Did that hurt?” he asks.

I nod. It hurt like fuck.

“Then why didn’t you say something?”

“What’s the point?”

“I’d know to be more careful.”

“You were careful.” He was, too. I’ve seen this done before. You don’t live up here and not know what to do with a minor case of frostbite.

“It’s a signal, Sydney. So I can tell what’s going on inside your head.”

“You really do not want to know what’s going on in my head, Case.”

He takes my tray away and puts it back on the table, then hands me the bottle of water and sits down next to me. “I really do.”

“You want to use me.”

“I just want to know you.”

“God.” I laugh, then take a drink. “Such a player.” I cap the water and lie back, pulling the blankets up to my neck.

He studies me, like I’m some sort of specimen, then stands up and unbuttons his jeans, letting them drop to the floor. He’s not hard, from the quick look I get at his junk before he slips into bed next to me. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me close to him. “Are you tired?”

“So tired,” I say, meaning it in more ways than one.

“I’m just the wrong guy, Sydney. That’s all I can say. I’m the wrong guy.”

“Wrong for me, you mean, right? Because you were the right guy for Sasha. You were the shining knight for her. I’m just not Sasha and that’s all you have to say.”

“You’re not Sasha. But that’s not why I’m the wrong guy. I’m just…” He drops off for a few seconds. “I’m pretty much everything you said. All of it is true. And I’d hate for you to count on me and then it just fucks you up more when I don’t come through.”

“Well, I’ve got nothing for that.” I close my eyes, the issue settled in my mind. Merric Case is not in my corner.

His hand travels up to my breasts and he fondles them for a few seconds, maybe gauging how I will react. “I had no idea you were a virgin,” he whispers. “That fucked with my head pretty bad.”

“Why?”

“Garrett and I were in the army together. We did… shit. Military shit, obviously. And none of it was good.” He stops here. Like that admission was a huge step for him. “Did Garrett tell you what we did?”

I shake my head. He did tell me some things, but I don’t want Case to stop talking. This is quickly turning more personal. And I like it. I don’t want him to go silent again. Or walk away. Or give up on me. Even if he is just using me to save his friend. I guess I have to take what I can get. “Garrett made me memorize that little speech to give you. After… you know. That’s it.”

“You didn’t deserve any of this shit, you know that, right?”

“I know that,” I whisper.

“I don’t think you do.” Case places his hand on my shoulder and turns me around. I don’t really want to face this new Case. I don’t know what he’s doing or what he wants, but I seriously can’t take any more lies. I’ll just die if this is a ploy. “It’s not your fault you were born to that Company asshole. It’s not your fault your mom died when you were born and you never had that—”

“She didn’t,” I interrupt. “Die when I was born, I mean. She died when I was fourteen. I watched it happen, actually. She was very allergic to peanuts and she was on a school field trip with me. Some kid in my class had a peanut butter sandwich. And the smell of it was strong enough to trigger her allergy. She had one of those Epipens, you know? For emergencies? But her throat swelled so fast, it didn’t work.”

He’s silent for a few moments, like he’s thinking. “Still,” he finally says. “It’s too young to be motherless. And that sucks about your mom.”

I nod. “It messed me up. I know that’s what allowed them to control me more. I just stopped fighting. It was the second worst day of my life.”

“Second? Jesus, what was the first?”

“That night you left me, Case. That was the worst day of my life. Ever. I just slipped away after that. Being here with you now, it’s made me think clearer than any other time in my life. And I just know—even though you hated me then, and still do now—I know that if you had taken me with you, I’d have turned out different. Better, maybe.”

Case sighs as I turn away from him again. I can’t bear to see his face after that pathetic admission.

“I can’t take it back, even if I wanted to. I did the right thing for me that night. The right thing for Sasha.”

I think about this for a moment. A few moments, actually. He relaxes behind me and his breathing is deeper. Like he’s about to fall asleep. I wait a little longer, until I’m sure he is. And then I speak the words I want to say, but I’m afraid for him to hear. “You can take it back. Just say it and I’ll believe you.”

Silence.

He’s asleep.

I’m relieved and heartbroken in the same instant. So I just close my eyes and chalk it up to another pathetic Sydney failure.

“I can try to make up for it, Syd,” he says after a little while. “But I can’t take it back.” He whispers it, leaning in to kiss my head. I don’t move. I don’t want him to know I’m still awake. Because it makes me want to cry.

“When you know you’re not a man’s first choice the worst thing you can do is settle for second pick.”

– Sydney

When I wake up I’m alone in the crow’s nest. But I can smell food wafting up from below. The meat was good last night, but I’ve missed too many meals in the past couple weeks to be satisfied. I swing my feet out of the bed, put my clothes on, and wander down the stairs.

Case is talking to someone. On the phone. I guess that means he gets service up here.

I could call someone. Brett, maybe. But do I want to bring him into this? Do I want to leave this game we’re playing before it even gets started?

I get to the bottom of the stairs and spy Case in the open kitchen, cooking and talking at the same time.

He smiles, and continues his conversation. Like he didn’t kidnap me and hold me prisoner. Like we didn’t beat the shit out of each other last night. Like I didn’t trick him into this in the first place.

Well, I have to give him a pass on that one. He has a clue, but he’s still in the dark.