Shane drops me at my classroom, then takes off for his. Down the hall, I see Dylan and crew lying in wait, but Shane’s smart this time. He spots Mr. Johannes walking ahead and falls into step with him. I can’t hear what they’re talking about, but he’ll get to class without being harassed.

Chemistry is boring but bearable, and luckily, Ryan is all business this time, though at the end of the period, he asks, “Are you coming to the cleanup?”

“Of course. It was my idea.”

“I’m glad.” That’s all he says, but there’s more trembling on the tip of his tongue. He swallows it as I pack up my things and hurry toward the door.

“Sage.” It’s the science teacher, who I never call Tom.

“Yes, sir?”

“I just wanted to tell you I’ve noticed an improvement in your participation in the experiments. Your grade will reflect the additional effort.”

I smile at him. “Thanks.”

“Carry on.”

To my surprise, Shane is already waiting for me outside chemistry. That’s … unprecedented. He must’ve persuaded his teacher to let him out a few minutes early; that’s some impressive smooth talking. God, I hope I’m not beaming the way I feel.

“You can’t continue feeding me every day,” he says.

Wow, not what I’m expecting.

He goes on, “I don’t want you to see me as a stray dog.”

“I don’t!”

“Well, you’re always feeding me. It’s nice, but … things will pick up. Dad’s paying on the hospital bills, and I’m looking for work to help with my daily living expenses.”

“Maybe I can help you find something.”

A frown knits his brows together. “Don’t worry about it, I can handle my own business.”

“But—”

“You can be annoyingly persistent, you know that?” Yeah, he’s aggravated.

I can’t just drop it, though. Seeing Shane now reminds me of when things were the worst for me. My skin itches over at the idea of offering the same indifference I got.

“I’ve kind of been there,” I explain quietly. “I wasn’t old enough to work, but it would’ve been nice if somebody … cared.”

Shane sighs, but there’s a faint softening to his impatience. “Fine.”

“Is there any kind of work you won’t do?” Relief brightens my voice.

He shakes his head. “I can’t afford to be picky. I’d like to buy some groceries.”

“Don’t you get lonely out there?” I ask.

The pause tells me he’s thinking about his answer as we walk. Finally he says, “I’ve been alone a long time. Lately I just have time to notice.”

I guess he means his mom wasn’t much company toward the end and he was run ragged taking care of her. He doesn’t seem to be angry, not like I was. Or maybe he burned it out back in Michigan City when he was staying with his mom’s friend. I ponder whether this guy was her boyfriend, if he loved her after her husband left. It would take a lot of courage, I decide, to fall for someone you know will leave you, sooner rather than later.

He adds, “That’s why I was in the library the other night. I wanted to be near people. It’s really quiet out in the country at night. And, yeah…” His voice drops. “Lonely.”

That feels like big admission. Warmth swells in my chest over the fact that he trusted me with it. As I recall, he was hiding in an upstairs conference room for privacy, but I understand what he’s saying. It’s different knowing folks are nearby, even if they’re not in the room with you. That trailer in the middle of nowhere must be super-creepy at night. And that’s the difference between an empty home and one that houses somebody who loves you.

I nod. “Do you know where we’re going?”

“Not exactly.”

“You can come with me.” Then I realize I have the same problem that I had getting a frap with Lila the other day. I have a bike; Shane does not. So I make the ultimate sacrifice. “Do you know how to ride?”

“A bike?” He looks at me like I’m crazy. “Well, yeah.”

“Sweet. Then we can double up. We’re going to a vacant lot downtown, not too far. I hope you have good balance.”

“I don’t trip over my own feet. Generally.”

“How do you get to school?” I ask.

“Bus, usually. But if I stick around to do something in town and miss it, then I walk.”

“That must take forever,” I observe.

“It’s not so bad.”

“So I’ll meet you outside after school?”

Shane nods. He drops me at my next class, and I spend the next two hours daydreaming. If there was a quiz in econ, I don’t remember. I hope I didn’t write my name on a blank paper. I join the throng streaming toward the front doors. Do I need anything from my locker? Trash bags. So I stop, load up, then head out. The crowd has thinned a little by the time I get outside.

Shane’s already waiting for me. I could so get used to this. “Hey. You ready?” I ask.

“Yeah. I can’t wait to go serve the community.”

“Hey.” I aim an admonishing finger at him. “Caring’s cool.”

He laughs, as I intend him to. Trying to act like I’m not nervous, I climb on the bike first and take the seat. Shane’s obviously done this before, as he swings on and pushes into motion. I hang on to his waist, trying not to stare at his butt as he pedals. Okay, that’s a lie. I’m totally looking. My backpack, stuffed with biodegradable trash bags, wobbles madly until I’m afraid we’ll tip. We’re both cracking up by the time we arrive at the lot, but he’s not even out of breath.

“I haven’t done that since junior high,” he says.

“I never have.”

And I thought I never would.

Normal pleasures like this are reserved for girls without a shadow staring back at them in the mirror. But whether I deserve this or not, I don’t care. It’s too sweet to stop.

CHAPTER TEN

Shane helps me off the bike, and I’m pretty sure I’m not imagining the intensity as he gazes into my eyes. We’re having a moment.

Which is promptly interrupted by Gwen blowing a whistle. “Awesome, everyone’s here. I’m dividing you up into pairs, and the team who fills the most bags wins a ten-dollar gift certificate from the Coffee Shop.”

She points at people seemingly at random, and I end up with Lila. I’m not sad about it. This gives me a chance to recover from riding behind Shane. At this point, I suspect Gwen of being the devil because she puts Shane with Ryan. The four sophomores are paired among themselves, which leaves Tara with Conrad, who looks more than usually stoned. Gwen gets Kenny, and the moment he finds out he’s not working with Tara, he exhales a sigh audible all the way over here. I think Gwen crushed his dreams.

Lila nudges me, a grin slowly spreading. “You and New Kid, huh? That was fast.”

“I don’t know. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You let him ride your bike.” Somehow she makes this sound absolutely filthy. “I bet Ryan never did.”

As a matter of fact, she’s right, but mostly because he’s uncoordinated. Most guys eventually master their arms and legs, but he’s still struggling. I used to find his awkwardness adorable. Cassie probably did, too. I wish I didn’t feel bitter, but last year, I had such a crush on him, after his dorkiness crossed some kind of line until he was cool. The hours I spent wondering why he didn’t see me that way … I shake my head and sigh.

“Shut up,” I mumble.

“Are you blushing? Oh my God, you’re totally blushing.”

“Pick up some trash already.” I curse my fair complexion.

In the sun, I don’t tan. Ever. With enough exposure to daylight, I will freckle over every inch of my body. Since I worked inside most of the summer, I’ve got them down to a sprinkling on my cheeks and shoulders. It’s bright today, though, so I can expect a fresh crop just in time for fall. And nothing says hot like an uneven distribution of melanin.

Gwen thought to bring her iPod along with a dock that has a couple of small speakers. She blasts Black Veil Brides, which is supposed to make us rock out and work faster. It actually is pretty fun. Lila and I race to see who can get the most plastic bottles. This lot is absolutely disgusting. Even if I can’t get permission to plant a garden here in the spring, just getting the trash hauled away will make a huge difference.