TIMON

’Tis then because thou dost not keep a dog

Whom I would imitate. Consumption catch thee!

APEMANTUS

This is in thee a nature but infected,

A poor unmanly melancholy, sprung

From change of fortune. Why this spade, this place,

This slave-like habit, and these looks of care?

Thy flatterers yet wear silk, drink wine, lie soft,

Hug their diseased perfumes, and have forgot

That ever Timon was. Shame not these woods

By putting on the cunning of a carper.

Be thou a flatterer now, and seek to thrive

By that which has undone thee. Hinge thy knee,

And let his very breath whom thou‘lt observe

Blow off thy cap. Praise his most vicious strain,

And call it excellent. Thou wast told thus.

Thou gav’st thine ears like tapsters that bade welcome

To knaves and all approachers. ’Tis most just

That thou turn rascal. Hadst thou wealth again,

Rascals should have’t. Do not assume my likeness.

TIMON

Were I like thee, I’d throw away myself.

APEMANTUS

Thou hast cast away thyself being like thyself—

A madman so long, now a fool. What, think‘st

That the bleak air, thy boisterous chamberlain,

Will put thy shirt on warm? Will these mossed trees

That have outlived the eagle page thy heels

And skip when thou point’st out? Will the cold brook,

Candied with ice, caudle thy morning taste

To cure thy o’ernight’s surfeit? Call the creatures

Whose naked natures live in all the spite

Of wreakful heaven, whose bare unhousèd trunks

To the conflicting elements exposed

Answer mere nature; bid them flatter thee.

O, thou shalt find—

TIMON A fool of thee! Depart.

APEMANTUS

I love thee better now than e’er I did.

TIMON

I hate thee worse.

APEMANTUS Why?

TIMON Thou flatter’st misery.

APEMANTUS

I flatter not, but say thou art a caitiff.

TIMON

Why dost thou seek me out?

APEMANTUS To vex thee.

TIMON

Always a villain’s office, or a fool’s.

Dost please thyself in’t?

APEMANTUS Ay.

TIMON What, a knave too?

APEMANTUS

If thou didst put this sour cold habit on

To castigate thy pride, ‘twere well; but thou

Dost it enforcèdly. Thou’dst courtier be again

Wert thou not beggar. Willing misery

Outlives incertain pomp, is crowned before.

The one is filling still, never complete;

The other at high wish. Best state, contentless,

Hath a distracted and most wretched being,

Worse than the worst, content.

Thou shouldst desire to die, being miserable.

TIMON

Not by his breath that is more miserable.

Thou art a slave whom fortune’s tender arm

With favour never clasped, but bred a dog.

Hadst thou like us from our first swathe proceeded

The sweet degrees that this brief world affords

To such as may the passive drudges of it

Freely command, thou wouldst have plunged thyself

In general riot, melted down thy youth

In different beds of lust, and never learned

The icy precepts of respect, but followed

The sugared game before thee. But myself,

Who had the world as my confectionary,

The mouths, the tongues, the eyes and hearts of men

At duty, more than I could frame employment,

That numberless upon me stuck, as leaves

Do on the oak, have with one winter’s brush

Fell from their boughs, and left me open, bare

For every storm that blows—I to bear this,

That never knew but better, is some burden.

Thy nature did commence in sufferance, time

Hath made thee hard in’t. Why shouldst thou hate men?

They never flattered thee. What hast thou given?

If thou wilt curse, thy father, that poor rag,

Must be thy subject, who in spite put stuff

To some she-beggar and compounded thee

Poor rogue hereditary. Hence, be gone.

If thou hadst not been born the worst of men

Thou hadst been a knave and flatterer.

APEMANTUS Art thou proud yet?

TIMON Ay, that I am not thee.

APEMANTUS I that I was

No prodigal.

TIMON I that I am one now.

Were all the wealth I have shut up in thee

I’d give thee leave to hang it. Get thee gone.

That the whole life of Athens were in this!

Thus would I eat it.

He bites the root

APEMANTUS ⌈offering food⌉ Here, I will mend thy feast.

TIMON

First mend my company: take away thyself.

APEMANTUS

So I shall mend mine own by th’ lack of thine.

TIMON

’Tis not well mended so, it is but botched;

If not, I would it were.

APEMANTUS What wouldst thou have to Athens?

TIMON

Thee thither in a whirlwind. If thou wilt,

Tell them there I have gold. Look, so I have.

APEMANTUS

Here is no use for gold.

TIMON The best and truest,

For here it sleeps and does no hired harm.

APEMANTUS Where liest a-nights, Timon?

TIMON Under that’s above me. Where feed’st thou a-days, Apemantus?

APEMANTUS Where my stomach finds meat; or rather, where I eat it.

TIMON Would poison were obedient, and knew my mind!

APEMANTUS Where wouldst thou send it?

TIMON To sauce thy dishes.

APEMANTUS The middle of humanity thou never knewest, but the extremity of both ends. When thou wast in thy gilt and thy perfume, they mocked thee for too much curiosity; in thy rags thou know’st none, but art despised for the contrary. There’s a medlar for thee; eat it.