Come short of what he did.

LAERTES A Norman was’t?

KING CLAUDIUS A Norman.

LAERTES

Upon my life, Lamord.

KING CLAUDIUS

The very same.

LAERTES

I know him well. He is the brooch indeed,

And gem, of all the nation.

KING CLAUDIUS He made confession of you,

And gave you such a masterly report

For art and exercise in your defence,

And for your rapier most especially,

That he cried out ‘twould be a sight indeed

If one could match you. Sir, this report of his

Did Hamlet so envenom with his envy

That he could nothing do but wish and beg

Your sudden coming o’er to play with him.

Now, out of this—

LAERTES What out of this, my lord?

KING CLAUDIUS

Laertes, was your father dear to you?

Or are you like the painting of a sorrow,

A face without a heart?

LAERTES Why ask you this?

KING CLAUDIUS

Not that I think you did not love your father,

But that I know love is begun by time,

And that I see, in passages of proof,

Time qualifies the spark and fire of it.

Hamlet comes back. What would you undertake

To show yourself your father’s son in deed

More than in words?

LAERTES To cut his throat i’th’ church.

KING CLAUDIUS

No place indeed should murder sanctuarize.

Revenge should have no bounds. But, good Laertes,

Will you do this?—keep close within your chamber.

Hamlet returned shall know you are come home.

We’ll put on those shall praise your excellence,

And set a double varnish on the fame

The Frenchman gave you; bring you, in fine, together,

And wager on your heads. He, being remiss,

Most generous, and free from all contriving,

Will not peruse the foils; so that with ease,

Or with a little shuffling, you may choose

A sword unbated, and, in a pass of practice,

Requite him for your father.

LAERTES I will do’t,

And for that purpose I’ll anoint my sword.

I bought an unction of a mountebank

So mortal that, but dip a knife in it,

Where it draws blood no cataplasm so rare,

Collected from all simples that have virtue

Under the moon, can save the thing from death

That is but scratched withal. I’ll touch my point

With this contagion, that if I gall him slightly,

It may be death.

KING CLAUDIUS Let’s further think of this;

Weigh what convenience both of time and means

May fit us to our shape. If this should fail,

And that our drift look through our bad performance,

‘Twere better not essayed. Therefore this project

Should have a back or second that might hold

If this should blast in proof. Soft, let me see.

We’ll make a solemn wager on your cunnings ...

I ha’t! When in your motion you are hot and dry—

As make your bouts more violent to that end—

And that he calls for drink, I’ll have prepared him

A chalice for the nonce, whereon but sipping,

If he by chance escape your venomed stuck,

Our purpose may hold there.—

Enter Queen Gertrude

How now, sweet Queen?

QUEEN GERTRUDE

One woe doth tread upon another’s heel,

So fast they follow. Your sister’s drowned, Laertes.

LAERTES Drowned? O, where?

QUEEN GERTRUDE

There is a willow grows aslant a brook

That shows his hoar leaves in the glassy stream.

Therewith fantastic garlands did she make

Of crow-flowers, nettles, daisies, and long purples,

That liberal shepherds give a grosser name,

But our cold maids do dead men’s fingers call them.

There on the pendent boughs her crownet weeds

Clamb’ring to hang, an envious sliver broke,

When down the weedy trophies and herself

Fell in the weeping brook. Her clothes spread wide,

And mermaid-like a while they bore her up;

Which time she chanted snatches of old tunes,

As one incapable of her own distress,

Or like a creature native and endued

Unto that element. But long it could not be

Till that her garments, heavy with their drink,

Pulled the poor wretch from her melodious lay

To muddy death.

LAERTES Alas, then is she drowned.

QUEEN GERTRUDE Drowned, drowned.

LAERTES

Too much of water hast thou, poor Ophelia,

And therefore I forbid my tears. But yet

It is our trick; nature her custom holds,

Let shame say what it will.

He weeps

When these are gone,

The woman will be out. Adieu, my lord.

I have a speech of fire that fain would blaze,

But that this folly douts it.

Exit

KING CLAUDIUS

Let’s follow, Gertrude.

How much I had to do to calm his rage!

Now fear I this will give it start again;

Therefore let’s follow.

Exeunt

5.1 Enter two Clowns ⌈carrying a spade and a pickaxe⌉

FIRST CLOWN Is she to be buried in Christian burial that wilfully seeks her own salvation?

SECOND CLOWN I tell thee she is, and therefore make her grave straight. The coroner hath sat on her, and finds it Christian burial.

FIRST CLOWN How can that be unless she drowned herself in her own defence?

SECOND CLOWN Why, ’tis found so.

FIRST CLOWN It must be se offendendo, it cannot be else; for here lies the point: if I drown myself wittingly, it argues an act; and an act hath three branches: it is to act, to do, and to perform. Argal she drowned herself wittingly.