To speak the ceremonial rites of marriage?

What says Lucentio to this shame of ours?

KATHERINE

No shame but mine. I must forsooth be forced

To give my hand opposed against my heart

Unto a mad-brain rudesby full of spleen, 10

Who wooed in haste and means to wed at leisure.

I told you, I, he was a frantic fool,

Hiding his bitter jests in blunt behaviour,

And to be noted for a merry man

He’ll woo a thousand, ‘point the day of marriage,

Make friends, invite them, and proclaim the banns,

Yet never means to wed where he hath wooed.

Now must the world point at poor Katherine

And say ‘Lo, there is mad Petruccio’s wife,

If it would please him come and marry her.’

TRANIO

Patience, good Katherine, and Baptista, too.

Upon my life, Petruccio means but well.

Whatever fortune stays him from his word,

Though he be blunt, I know him passing wise;

Though he be merry, yet withal he’s honest.

KATHERINE

Would Katherine had never seen him, though.

Exit weeping

BAPTISTA

Go, girl. I cannot blame thee now to weep.

For such an injury would vex a very saint,

Much more a shrew of thy impatient humour.

Enter Biondello

BIONDELLO Master, master, news—old news, and such news as you never heard of. 31

BAPTISTA Is it new and old too? How may that be?

BIONDELLO Why, is it not news to hear of Petruccio’s coming?

BAPTISTA Is he come? 35

BIONDELLO Why, no, sir.

BAPTISTA What then?

BIONDELLO He is coming.

BAPTISTA When will he be here?

BIONDELLO When he stands where I am and sees you there. 41

TRANIO But say, what to thine old news?

BIONDELLO Why, Petruccio is coming in a new hat and an old jerkin, a pair of old breeches thrice-turned, a pair of boots that have been candle-cases, one buckled, another laced, an old rusty sword ta’en out of the town armoury with a broken hilt, and chapeless, with two broken points, his horse hipped, with an old mothy saddle and stirrups of no kindred, besides, possessed with the glanders and like to mose in the chine, troubled with the lampass, infected with the fashions, full of windgalls, sped with spavins, rayed with the yellows, past cure of the fives, stark spoiled with the staggers, begnawn with the bots, weighed in the back and shoulder-shotten, near-legged before and with a half-cheeked bit and a headstall of sheep’s leather which, being restrained to keep him from stumbling, hath been often burst and now repaired with knots, one girth six times pieced, and a woman’s crupper of velour which hath two letters for her name fairly set down in studs, and here and there pieced with packthread.

BAPTISTA Who comes with him?

BIONDELLO O sir, his lackey, for all the world caparisoned like the horse, with a linen stock on one leg and a kersey boot-hose on the other, gartered with a red and blue list; an old hat, and the humour of forty fancies pricked in’t for a feather—a monster, a very monster in apparel, and not like a Christian footboy or a gentleman’s lackey.

TRANIO

’Tis some odd humour pricks him to this fashion;

Yet oftentimes he goes but mean-apparelled.

BAPTISTA

I am glad he’s come, howsoe’er he comes.

BIONDELLO Why, sir, he comes not.

BAPTISTA Didst thou not say he comes?

BIONDELLO Who? That Petruccio came? 75

BAPTISTA Ay, that Petruccio came.

BIONDELLO No, sir. I say his horse comes with him on his back.

BAPTISTA

Why, that’s all one.

BIONDELLO

Nay, by Saint Jamy, I hold you a penny,

A horse and a man

Is more than one,

And yet not many.

Enter Petruccio and Grumio, fantastically dressed

PETRUCCIO Come, where be these gallants? Who’s at home?

BAPTISTA You are welcome, sir.

PETRUCCIO And yet I come not well.

BAPTISTA And yet you halt not.

TRANIO

Not so well apparelled as I wish you were.

PETRUCCIO

Were it not better I should rush in thus—

But where is Kate? Where is my lovely bride?

How does my father? Gentles, methinks you frown.

And wherefore gaze this goodly company

As if they saw some wondrous monument,

Some comet or unusual prodigy?

BAPTISTA

Why, sir, you know this is your wedding day.

First were we sad, fearing you would not come;

Now sadder that you come so unprovided.

Fie, doff this habit, shame to your estate,

An eyesore to our solemn festival.

TRANIO

And tell us what occasion of import

Hath all so long detained you from your wife

And sent you hither so unlike yourself?

PETRUCCIO

Tedious it were to tell, and harsh to hear.

Sufficeth I am come to keep my word,

Though in some part enforced to digress,

Which at more leisure I will so excuse

As you shall well be satisfied withal.

But where is Kate? I stay too long from her.

The morning wears, ’tis time we were at church.

TRANIO

See not your bride in these unreverent robes.

Go to my chamber, put on clothes of mine.

PETRUCCIO

Not I, believe me. Thus I’ll visit her.

BAPTISTA

But thus, I trust, you will not marry her.

PETRUCCIO

Good sooth, even thus. Therefore ha’ done with

words.

To me she’s married, not unto my clothes.

Could I repair what she will wear in me

As I can change these poor accoutrements,

’Twere well for Kate and better for myself.

But what a fool am I to chat with you

When I should bid good morrow to my bride,

And seal the title with a lovely kiss!

Exit With Grumiol

TRANIO

He hath some meaning in his mad attire.

We will persuade him, be it possible,

To put on better ere he go to church.

[Exit with Gremio]

BAPTISTA

I’ll after him, and see the event of this.

[Exeunt]

3.3 [Enter Lucentio as Cambio, and Tranio as Lucentio]

TRANIO