Your father’s wife did after wedlock bear him,

And if she did play false, the fault was hers,

Which fault lies on the hazards of all husbands

That marry wives. Tell me, how if my brother,

Who, as you say, took pains to get this son,

Had of your father claimed this son for his ?

In sooth, good friend, your father might have kept

This calf, bred from his cow, from all the world;

In sooth he might. Then if he were my brother’s, 125

My brother might not claim him, nor your father,

Being none of his, refuse him. This concludes:

My mother’s son did get your father’s heir;

Your father’s heir must have your father’s land.

FALCONBRIDGE

Shall then my father’s will be of no force 130

To dispossess that child which is not his?

BASTARD

Of no more force to dispossess me, sir,

Than was his will to get me, as I think.

QUEEN ELEANOR

Whether hadst thou rather be: a Falconbridge,

And like thy brother to enjoy thy land, 135

Or the reputed son of Cœur-de-lion,

Lord of thy presence, and no land beside?

BASTARD

Madam, an if my brother had my shape,

And I had his, Sir Robert’s his like him,

And if my legs were two such riding-rods, 140

My arms such eel-skins stuffed, my face so thin

That in mine ear I durst not stick a rose

Lest men should say ‘Look where three-farthings

goes!’,

And, to his shape, were heir to all this land,

Would I might never stir from off this place.

I would give it every foot to have this face;

It would not be Sir Nob in any case.

QUEEN ELEANOR

I like thee well. Wilt thou forsake thy fortune,

Bequeath thy land to him, and follow me?

I am a soldier and now bound to France. 150

BASTARD

Brother, take you my land; I’ll take my chance.

Your face hath got five hundred pound a year,

Yet sell your face for fivepence and ’tis dear.—

Madam, I’ll follow you unto the death.

QUEEN ELEANOR

Nay, I would have you go before me thither. 155

BASTARD

Our country manners give our betters way.

KING JOHN What is thy name?

BASTARD

Philip, my liege, so is my name begun:

Philip, good old Sir Robert’s wife’s eldest son,

KING JOHN

From henceforth bear his name whose form thou

bear’st. 160

Kneel thou down Philip, but arise more great:

He knights the Bastard

Arise Sir Richard and Plantagenet.

BASTARD

Brother by th’ mother’s side, give me your hand.

My father gave me honour, yours gave land.

Now blessèd be the hour, by night or day, 165

When I was got, Sir Robert was away.

QUEEN ELEANOR

The very spirit of Plantagenet I

I am thy grandam, Richard; call me so.

BASTARD

Madam, by chance, but not by truth; what though?

Something about, a little from the right,

In at the window, or else o‘er the hatch;

Who dares not stir by day must walk by night,

And have is have, however men do catch.

Near or far off, well won is still well shot,

And I am I, howe’er I was begot.

KING JOHN

Go, Falconbridge, now hast thou thy desire:

A landless knight makes thee a landed squire.—

Come, madam, and come, Richard; we must speed

For France; for France, for it is more than need.

BASTARD

Brother, adieu. Good fortune come to thee, 180

For thou wast got i’th’ way of honesty.

Exeunt all but the Bastard

A foot of honour better than I was,

But many a many foot of land the worse.

Well, now can I make any Joan a lady.

‘Good e’en, Sir Richard‘—’God-a-mercy fellow’;

And if his name be George I’ll call him Peter,

For new-made honour doth forget men’s names;

’Tis too respective and too sociable

For your conversion. Now your traveller,

He and his toothpick at my worship’s mess; 190

And when my knightly stomach is sufficed,

Why then I suck my teeth and catechize

My picked man of countries. ‘My dear sir,’

Thus leaning on mine elbow I begin,

‘I shall beseech you—’. That is Question now; 195

And then comes Answer like an Absey book.

‘O sir,’ says Answer, ‘at your best command,

At your employment, at your service, sir.’

‘No sir,’ says Question, ‘I, sweet sir, at yours.’

And so, ere Answer knows what Question would,

Saving in dialogue of compliment,

And talking of the Alps and Apennines,

The Pyrenean and the River Po,

It draws toward supper in conclusion so.

But this is worshipful society, 205

And fits the mounting spirit like myself;

For he is but a bastard to the time

That doth not smack of observation;

And so am I—whether I smack or no,

And not alone in habit and device, 210

Exterior form, outward accoutrement,

But from the inward motion—to deliver

Sweet, sweet, sweet poison for the age’s tooth;

Which, though I will not practise to deceive,

Yet to avoid deceit I mean to learn; 215