“And it won’t be for any lack of trying on my part either,” she said. “I’m going to do everything in my power to find her.”

“As will I.” He dipped his head, gave her a parting smile, and walked to his boots. “As will I.”

23

BREAK HER LEG. That’s what Zeke had said.

Break her leg. And with those three words Zeke had broken Kathryn’s heart.

She’d driven home in Wyatt’s truck, mind numb, head ringing. It all made sense, she knew it did, but she wasn’t in the place to piece all the scriptures and bits of reasoning together yet. She could only trust in what she knew to be the truth.

And the truth was, Zeke had saved her. He’d led her down the path of righteousness and, when she wasn’t righteous enough herself, provided a way for her to be reconciled with God. Eden, the lamb of God, come to take away all of her sin.

And now she had to break Eden’s leg so that she couldn’t stray and fall off a cliff and bring them all down with her.

So why did it break her heart? Why did the thought of breaking Eden’s leg feel like an order had been given to break her own leg? Or worse.

Because you love Eden, Kathryn. Didn’t God love his child?

She walked straight to her bedroom without checking on either Bobby or Eden, knowing they wouldn’t dare make another attempt. Not tonight anyway. And not tomorrow because Eden wouldn’t be able to walk tomorrow.

She lay in bed and stared at the dark ceiling, only dimly aware. An hour passed. Two. Three, and sleep didn’t even bother tempting her. Slowly her mind began to settle into that place of deep understanding that was far beyond the world’s way of knowing.

There were times when you had to shut your mind down and trust in what you knew at a deeper level. She’d invested her whole life in Zeke, and, in some ways, he’d invested his in her. All she knew now was that she had to follow him, regardless of where he took her. Regardless of how terrifying the path or sickening the thought.

And that meant she had no real alternative but to do exactly what he said.

Break her leg. She’s the lamb who would stray into guilt. By breaking her leg, you will save her.

Spare the rod, spoil the child. Give them an inch and they’ll take a mile. Put them on the slippery slope and they’ll slide all the way to the bottom. That’s just how it was. Hadn’t God put Jacob’s hip out of joint to help him understand?

Didn’t the good shepherd lovingly break the leg of the wayward lamb to teach it not to stray, just like Zeke had said?

And hadn’t God asked Abraham to sacrifice his only son, Isaac? It didn’t matter that God had sent a ram from the thicket to spare Abraham; what did matter was that Abraham had been obedient. Sometimes the righteous were called upon to do what seemed humanly impossible in order to bring blessing to the world.

Truth was, the first time she’d drowned Eden in baptism, she’d been terrified. And yet she’d been obedient, and held her daughter down, covering up her own fear with exclamations of praise and long quotes of scripture.

And, having died to the flesh, hadn’t Eden come out of the water with tears of gratefulness? Hadn’t they all been abundantly blessed for her obedience?

That was the path of being dead to the flesh.

So Kathryn shut down her reasoning mind and embraced the word of life that had saved her for this day of great blessing.

“Praise be to God,” she whispered, and doing so she felt even more calm. “Praise be to God.”

By the time first light was graying the sky outside her window, Kathryn had found a measure of resolution. It wasn’t her place to think or reason; only to obey. And the only way to obey was to shut out the tempting voice of the serpent that would seduce her into eating from the tree of death.

Kathryn lay in bed for another hour, trying her best not to think, remaining as best she could in that place of obedience, until it occurred to her that she might only be procrastinating the good will of God, which was only another clever temptation of the serpent.

She swung her legs off the bed and placed her feet on the floor.

Break her leg. So she would.

She stood, took up the small package Zeke had given her, and walked to the door, aware that she was moving slowly, as if through water. Drowned. Numb. Dead to the flesh.

She opened the door and listened in the silence for a long moment that might have stretched into a full minute. Not a sound in the house. They would be fast asleep.

Walking slowly so as not to disturb the children, she headed to the kitchen to retrieve the ball of twine. She’d never tied Eden up before.

Dead to the flesh, Kathryn. This is the path, walk ye in it.

She opened the drawer next to the refrigerator, removed a pad of paper and a small tray filled with incidentals, found the string in the back, and withdrew it. How many times had she pressed forward toward the goal through seemingly impossible situations, keeping all tempting thoughts in the grave where they belonged? This was no different.

So why did it feel different?

No Kathryn. Stay dead. Keep the flesh in the ground. Lean not on your own understanding. Take up your cross. Follow. Just follow Zeke.

Back across the living room, into the hall, to the bathroom. She reached for a white towel, then stopped, thinking that there might be blood. Red would stain the towel.

She closed her trembling hand, turned to her right and reached for a dark blue towel instead.

Back out of the bathroom and down the hall, one step at a time, just one step at a time, that was all. Walk, walk, walk. Placing one hand on Eden’s doorknob, she took a deep, shuddering breath, let it out through her nostrils, and twisted the handle. Slowly pushed it open.

Eden lay on her side, still dressed in the same pajamas she’d worn to bed, watching her with empty eyes. Defeated.

Terror sliced through Kathryn’s mind. She was awake.

For a few seconds, she looked at her daughter and knew she couldn’t follow Zeke in this. How could she? He was asking too much!

But only for a few seconds, because she was mature enough to realize that this objection was only the flesh, trying to climb out of its grave. If the serpent tricked her into turning away from obedience, there would be hell to pay. In this life and the next. Zeke might even kill Eden. She had to do this for Eden’s sake, not just Zeke’s. That would be the most loving thing. And she loved Eden more than she loved her own life.

The seconds ticked by and the terror eased, but Kathryn found that she still couldn’t move. It was Eden’s eyes. They watched her without so much as blinking. A hardness seemed to have set into them. She felt no ill will toward her daughter for this—she might feel the same way if their places were exchanged.

A knot filled her throat. The room blurred as tears seeped into her eyes. The only way was to obey quickly, without further thought, before she lost her nerve.

Taking one last deep inhale, she ignored the voices of protest in her head, walked up to the bed, lay the towel and the string on the nightstand, and reached for Eden’s shoulder.

“Roll onto your back, sweetheart,” she said.

Eden hesitated a moment, then did so, turning her head away to face the window.

It was almost as if Eden knew what was coming and had accepted it. An obedient lamb who knew not to resist anything her loving mother would do to her. She’d never been physically harmed, had she? She had no reason to suspect what was coming.

I’m sorry, Eden. I’m so sorry.

Kathryn opened the package, withdrew the syringe, slipped off the protective sleeve, and jabbed the needle into her daughter’s shoulder.

Eden jerked her head around, startled by the pain.