“I had to insist your mother rest. She is worried your heart is not in tomorrow’s events.”

“Then she’d be right. This is her thing. Not mine.”

He nodded, resignedly. “I understand. But this boy … Heath? He has you distracted.”

“I love him,” I said matter-of-factly. Then with less resolve, added, “I just can’t be with him.’

My daddy thought about my words and then nodded. I watched as he swirled his brandy again and took a mouthful.

“When I met your mother I was heavily involved with a girl I wanted to marry, Mary-Beth. But she left for the summer to be with family in North Carolina and while she was away I met your mother at a local dance.” He paused to remember. “She was nothing like any girl I’d ever seen. Darkly beautiful and glamorous. She seemed so worldly at the time. So exciting and mesmerizing. Beautiful, rich and spoilt, but at the same time, fascinating, witty and very charming. Of course, I was immediately drawn to her—as was every other boy in the county. She was visiting for a month from South Carolina.”

He nodded regretfully. “She was engaged to another man at the time. A Mister Will Starling. But he was serving overseas in Iraq. We were young and foolish. Both of us were meant for other people but, at the same time, unable to fight the attraction we felt towards one another. We were reckless. So we enjoyed the spontaneity and risks of such a brief affair, both of us understanding that it was only for such a short period of time.”

My daddy took another good sip of his brandy and something made me suspect it wasn’t his first glass. He looked pensive, almost remorseful. Then he gave a small smile and shake of his head. “Our affair lasted the entire month she was here and by the time Mary-Beth returned from North Carolina … well, your mother was well and truly gone.”

“So what happened?” I asked.

“She phoned me a couple of months later. She was pregnant.”

My eyes rounded as I paused my brandy glass at my lips.

“Harrison?” I asked.

My daddy nodded.

“Her fiancé agreed to raise the child as his own. But unfortunately, Mister Will Starling was killed in action before Harrison was born. I felt an obligation. After all, she was carrying my child. Of course, by this stage Mary-Beth had found out and, well … let’s just say that she removed herself from the equation.” He paused and the regret was deep in his face. “So, I married your mother.”

This wasn’t how I imagined my parents falling in love.

Did he even love her?

“Love came much later. Well and truly after my children were born. But it wasn’t the dizzying heights I had felt with Mary-Beth. It was through respect and compassion … an affection, if you will.”

“Did you regret marrying, Mama?”

“How could I? She gave me three incredible children.” His smile was close-lipped and contemplative. “I know she’d wished her Will Starling had come back from his tour and taken her away from it all. She had loved him dearly. She used to write him letters, even after his death. She showed them to me once, after a particularly nasty row we’d had. She said she wanted me to understand who she had become and why. So I sat on our bed and read every heartbroken word. One by one. About how unfair life had been to her dead beau. That he had died never knowing the true depth of her love for him. That she had betrayed him with another man because she had missed him so desperately and was so lonely with him gone. That my attention had only meant to be a brief distraction.” He looked regretful. “That she would give her life to have him back.”

I frowned. I couldn’t imagine living with that kind of regret.

Or that my cold mother was even capable of that kind of love.

“I asked her once, how she would look back on her life and do you know how she replied?” He watched me shake my head. “She looked me straight in the eye and said, ‘With regret, Jean-Jacques. With complete and utter regret.” They were her very words.”

In that moment I felt incredibly sorry for my mother. While my daddy was uncharacteristically empathetic.

“I knew how she felt,” he said simply. “I’d watched Mary-Beth marry a local man and raise a beautiful family with him. All the while regretting it wasn’t with me.”

My daddy had never opened up to me like this before. It was candid and completely unexpected, but honest and sincere. It was hard to imagine the formidable Jean-Jacques Montmarte as a young man desperately in love with a local beauty, and consumed by regret. His intimidating exterior belied his emotional past.

“My life has been marred by regret, Harlow. I learned to accept it. But your mother—it changed her. She was once such a charismatic and witty woman. Fun. Light hearted. A real beauty.” He sighed and looked regretful. “But what we did that summer destroyed four lives. Of course it gave her and I three wonderful children. And for that alone I was able to find acceptance. But your mother never got past losing her one true love. And it turned her cold.”

He drained his glass and put it on the table and leaned closer to me. “Despite my acceptance of where life has led me, I can’t help but wonder.” He took my hand. “I don’t want that for my daughter. I don’t want her to always wander. Always regret. Wish she’d done things differently. Because it eats into your soul and changes you. Regret is a powerful thing Harlow. It can corrode the steeliest of wills.”

I frowned into my brandy. “I’m so confused. I miss him.” I looked up. ”My friends in California, and Bridget … they all fit me perfectly. But then, I’m afraid, because he broke my heart and if he did it again … I’m not sure I’d ever be able to get back up again.”

“We always get back up again, Harlow. It’s human nature.” A small smile played on his lips. “And you’re too stubborn—too much like your old man to not get back up again.”

“It’s hard to be without him.”

“Then why are you?”

“Because he broke my heart.”

He nodded. My own sea-green eyes looked back at me. Although they were much wiser.

“So you’ve made your decision?”

I nodded solemnly and looked away.

He sighed. “You’re as stubborn as you are beautiful.”

“No, I’m just not in the mood for being very forgiving.”

“I’m a smart man Harlow. It’s made me enormously rich. Do you know why? Because I am always careful to consider every roll of the dice before making my decision. And once I’ve made up my mind, I stand by it.

Are you prepared to stand behind your decision for the rest of your life?”

Chapter Twenty-Two

My daddy’s question rang in my ears long after he’d retired for the evening. I sat at the bay window of his study overlooking the mill pond. The moon was high and flooded the room with bright light. Tomorrow was the debutante ball. I would be pushed and pulled in all directions. Which was nothing new really, considering my heart and my head were in a constant tug of war.

I sighed, got up and left the study. As I climbed the grand staircase I was stopped by a noise coming from upstairs. I stood very still to listen. And I knew exactly what it was. Instead of heading towards my bedroom, I went to Harper’s room and crossed to the large open window on the far wall overlooking the creek.

“Busted,” I said to my ninja sister who was creeping up the lattice work outside the window. She was almost at the top.

“Hells bells!” she gasped. Then, realizing it was only me, hoisted herself over the windowsill and into the room. “Geez Harlow, you scared me half to death.”

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Relax.” She caught her breath. “I was with Cooper.”

Cooper was her boyfriend. This week, anyway. My rebellious sister wasn’t one for commitment.

I leaned against the windowsill and crossed both my arms and my legs.

“At least tell me you’re being safe.” There was no point reprimanding her or sneaking out. Lord knows I’d done it enough times with Colton.