“The guys had just finished a show. We stayed back for a few drinks.” She sniffed, wiping her eyes with her fingers. “Heath offered me, Jesse and Armie a lift because he wasn’t drinking so he could drive. We were walking to the car when Armie was goofing around on to the road. He was drunk.” She started to cry again. “It happened so quickly. One minute we were goofing around and the next—” She broke off in a sob and Jesse took her in his arms.

He looked at me, his face drawn. “A car came around the corner. They were speeding but Armie was in the middle of the road. He didn’t have a chance.”

“Where are the others? Are they okay?” I asked Jesse.

“Zack and Tommy are outside, having a smoke. Heath is down the corridor.” He nodded towards a corridor leading away from the waiting room. “He’s not doing too good.”

I headed down the brightly lit corridor bracing myself for Heath’s condition. I found him leaning against the wall, his forehead buried in his arm. He looked up when I said his name. His beautiful eyes were wet with tears. His face crumpled when he saw me and he pulled me to him, burying his face in my shoulder and grasping me close.

“We’re going to get through this,” I said quietly. He pulled back and exhaled deeply, fighting off another wave of emotion. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it, turning his eyes to the ceiling. His dimples flickered as he fought with the emotional pain.

“I just—” He ran his hand through his hair. “I can’t believe he is gone.”

“Do his parents know?”

His eyes found mine as tears spilt down his cheeks. “I had to fucking phone them. Jesus Christ, I had to tell them. The police were going to, but I didn’t want some stranger turning up on their doorstep.” He wiped his cheek. “They’re flying in tomorrow.”

I pulled him into my arms again and felt him relax into me.

“We need to get you home. There’s nothing more you can do for Armie here at the hospital,” I said gently. “You, the rest of the guys, Piper, we’ll go back to your place and we’ll face this together, okay?”

He pulled back from me, bewildered, and his blue eyes were bright with tears. “I don’t know if I can do this.” he whispered.

I held him by the chin so I could look him square in the eye. “You can and you will. But we will do it together, okay?”

We headed back to Heath’s house. Shock and grief set in on everyone. Hardly anyone spoke. We stopped and picked up a couple of bottles of bourbon and sat in the lounge room and talked. There were tears. The pain was raw. It seemed so unreal.

When the sun came up I pulled the blinds so it was dark and slowly fatigue took over and sleep finally found everyone.

* * * * *

HEATH

When everyone fell asleep, to my surprise Harlow took me by the hand and led me to my bedroom. Without words we slipped out of our clothes, down to our underwear, and climbed into bed. She immediately wrapped her arms around me and held me against her. Her warmth and the soft beat of her heart was an elixir to my torment. It helped me to fight off another wave of tears.

Being there like that, in her arms and feeling the soft caress of her warm breath against my cheek, calmed me so I felt like I could catch my breath. And God knew, I needed to catch my breath.

As we lay there in the stillness of the dark morning, gentle fingers traced delicate lines across my skin, lulling my exhausted mind so I finally slipped into a restless sleep.

It happened so fast. The headlights appeared out of nowhere. Having retrieved his cigarette, Armie stood up and was suddenly silhouetted against the car headlights. Brakes squealed. Armie looked bewildered and turned towards the light as if in slow motion. Suddenly, he was propelled into the air.

“Nooooooo!” I screamed.

The impact sent him flying several meters. He hit the road with a sickening thud and slid across the asphalt. The car screeched to a halt, filling the air with burnt rubber.

I ran to Armie who was bloodied and broken on the side of the road. He was barely conscious. I dropped to my knees. There was so much blood. His eyes found mine and he reached out with a bloodied hand. I grabbed it and held it tight.

Everything was slow. Like it was happening a few seconds slower than real life; like the audio had been turned down on a playback. I was barely aware of Jesse and Piper next to me. I heard Piper’s voice and it vaguely registered that she was on the phone to paramedics, pleading with them to hurry.

Armie gave my hand a gentle shake. His dazed eyes were on me and they looked afraid. I could only imagine the pain he was in. He was lying in an awkward position but I didn’t dare move him. God knew what sort of damage had occurred internally. His legs were bent in awkward positions and I could see they were both badly broken.

“It’s going to be okay Armie, help’s on its way, just hang on buddy.”

But it wasn’t going to be okay and Armie knew it. He gripped his hand around mine and swallowed hard.

“Oh damn …” he murmured.

And then he was gone.

Just like that.

Armie took his final breath and died.

I bolted upright in bed, ripped from my sleep by grief and panic, and those vivid images of Armie’s last moments.

Harlow sat up next to me but didn’t say anything. Her hand was warm on my back as she gently rubbed it. She didn’t tell me it was going to be okay because it wasn’t going to be, and she knew it. Armie was dead. And nothing could change that. Life had dealt us a cruel blow and no matter how much we wanted to turn back time and change it, life would push forward in this direction and Armie would be gone forever.

My head fell to my hands. I knew I had to accept it.

I just didn’t know how I was going to.

* * * * *

HARLOW

It was mid-afternoon and cloudy when we got up. I made coffee and sandwiches but no one was really hungry. The mood in the house was forlorn and every now and then someone would crack and start to cry or try desperately to fight off a wave of grief. Ringing cell phones was a constant. Tommy and Zack bought another bottle of bourbon and set about polishing it off, while Heath and Jesse decided it was best to stay sober. They left around five pm to meet Armie’s parents at the hospital.

“Will you be here when I get back?” Heath asked sadly.

I nodded. There was no work tonight. I had spoken to Fat Tony and he was closing The Palace for the evening out of respect for Armie. He was devastated. He’d had a lot of time for the lovable guitarist and was choked up on the phone when he heard the news. It was the first time The Palace had closed on a Saturday night in more than thirty years. He was buying a bottle of Cinzano, he explained, and getting hammered out of respect for Armie.

“If you need me to be here, then I’ll be here,” I told Heath and he wrapped his arms around me. His warmth was comforting and his body was a reassuring wall of strength. He held me tightly so my face was pressed firm against his strong chest. I could hear the hammering of his heart and I didn’t want to let him go. But with a kiss to the top of my head, he released me.

He wore a t-shirt over a long sleeved shirt, with his favorite Dodgers cap turned backwards and a pair of dark aviators. He looked so big and strong but I knew what was happening behind those dark glasses. He was barely holding it together. From the top of the steps I watched him leave and as soon as he was gone, I was desperate for him to come back.

Piper left not long after. Pale and exhausted, she just wanted to sleep in her own bed. She had known Armie since they were in grade school and was heartbroken. She hugged me and kissed me, her chin shaky as she disappeared out the front door.

Left alone and feeling empty¸ I ran a bath and sank into the warm water. The Dillinger house was unusually deserted. Leigh was out of town and wasn’t due back for another week. Likewise, Nikki was also out of town with girlfriends but after hearing about Armie had said she would be home the following day. I tilted my head back onto the tiled wall and closed my eyes, trying to make sense of everything. But my brain wasn’t ready to slow down and threw out so much information it made me dizzy. Tears streamed down my cheeks.