Stealth definitely wasn't her forte.

I can't call her too much of an idiot though, she did manage to pull one over on me and make me shit myself. I don't think my pride will ever recover from the revolting moment that she caused. Even after I locked the evil witch in my storage room she was stilling hurting me because I had to make frequent trips to my bathroom all night long. My stomach only settled around five o'clock this morning. Unfortunately my arsehole still felt like it was in the fiery pits of Mount Doom except I didn't have to trek to Mordor.

One ring did in fact rule me and it was the burning ring of my arsehole.

It hurt so bad I was pretty sure I had third degree burns!

Oh, and if having crippling stomach pain and a flaming arsehole wasn't enough, my nose suffered terribly with the smell that took residence in my bathroom. I went through two bottles of bleach, and a whole can of air freshener and the smell of death still lingered in the room. I closed the bathroom door and had to leave the built in ceiling fan on all night as an added method to air the room out. The smell may never leave though - I wouldn't be surprised it moulded onto every surface at the molecular level.

I'm sure that's what Neala wanted in the first place.

"The evil cow," I muttered as I exited my bedroom and walked down the hallway to my kitchen and temporary prison.

I opened the kitchen door and winced when the love of my life made a whimpering sound.

"Baby girl, what's wrong?" I asked and rushed over to my African Grey parrot.

She was my baby - she was seven years old and the boss of my house.

"Darcy, is that you? Open the door and let me out, the bird is driving me bleeding mad!"

I ignored Neala and opened the birdcage and stroked my baby's chest when she climbed onto my hand.

"What's wrong with you, Einstein?" I asked.

I heard a frustrated wail come from the storage room.

"I told you, I want you to-"

"I wasn't talking to you Neala, I was talking to me bird," I cut Neala off as I continued to stroke Einstein's chest.

Neala was silent for a moment, then she laughed.

"You called your parrot Einstein? Why?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but Einstein cut me off.

"Shut up, Neala."

I beamed and scratched my Einstein's head. I glanced at the storage room door, then I laughed when Neala went silent in her make shift prison.

"I named her Einstein because she is very smart, as you can tell."

More silence.

I smugly smiled. "What's the matter, Neala? Why are you quite all of a sudden?"

I could practically feel her mind turning as she thought.

"You taught your bird to tell me to shut up?" she asked, lowly.

I taught her much more than that.

I simply laughed and said, "Yeah."

"Why?"

I shrugged my shoulders even though she couldn't see me.

"I thought it would be funny for Einstein to tell you off if you ever came up here, and I was right. It's fecking hilarious. This prank was set in motion years ago."

Neala banged on the door in outrage.

"You're a class A arsehole!"

I couldn't disagree with that statement.

"Waterrr... apple."

I looked down to Einstein and lifted my hand up so she could get on top of her cage and nibble on the fruit that I put onto different sections of her cage yesterday, and also so she could have access to her water bottle.

I turned away from Einstein and walked over to the storage room where I paused as I reached for the door handle.

"Promise you won't attack me if I open the door."

Neala laughed.

"That doesn't give me any reason to let you out, Neala."

She quieted down and muttered, "Okay, I won't hit you."

She didn't sound the least bit truthful.

"Try again, and this time make me believe you."

I could feel Neala's hate for me radiate through the storage room door, and it only caused me to grin. The next while after she was free from the storage room would be interesting, that was for damn sure.

"Darcy," Neala started, "please let me out of this storage room. I promise not to attack you if you do."

It was forced, but possibly honest.

"Okay, good enough."

I leaned forward and turned the lock on the door and pressed down on the handle. I had every intention of apologising for keeping her in the storage room and explaining why I did what I did, but all of my thoughts went out the window and I jumped back like a fish out of water when the door was kicked open and a disoriented and wild Neala emerged.

She squinted at the light in the room and lifted her hands to shield her eyes from the beams. She only lowered them after she blinked a few times and allowed her eyes to adjust. When her vision was clear, she quickly glanced around the room. The moment her eyes landed on me I tensed. He eyes were narrowed and her teeth were now bared. She gripped onto a tea towel that was in her hand and hissed at me.

Fuck.

She was fuming mad.

"You promised!" I shouted in a very high-pitched voice and stumbled backward.

Neala's eyes bore into mine as she rolled the tea towel in her hand as tightly as she could and snarled, "I lied."

Oh, shite.

"What are you going to do with the tea tow- Ow!"

I looked down to my leg, and gritted my teeth. She whipped my thigh with the tea towel, and it bloody hurt!

A lot.

"You locked me in your storage room all night, you practically held me hostage!" Neala snarled, her eyes wild with rage.

I held my hands up in front of my chest and slowly started to back away from her and toward my escape - the kitchen door.

"You broke into me house, and you gave me the runs - that out does anything I've done to you in the last twelve hours!" I snapped right back.

Neala hesitated in advancing on me, she folded her arms across her chest and proceeded to evilly grin. "I knew you would take those drinks from your ma and down them. It was a beautiful thing to watch, really."

She did not do what I think she did.

I narrowed my eyes at her demented ones and when I saw the truth, I gasped.

"You drafted me mother onto your side?" I accused.

Holy crap.

The deception hit me with the full force of a train impact!

How bloody dare she corrupt my unknowing mother into her evil scheme. That woman birthed me!

"No, not necessarily." Neala smirked, her face a mask of evil. "I paid one of the bartenders to give us the wrong drinks, I only suggested to your ma that you liked whiskey and would be glad of both of them. It was a piece of cake. Your ma didn't want them to go to waste and since I knew none of the women at the table would drink them I knew she would do as I suggested and bring the drinks to you."

I narrowed my eyes at the she-devil. "I cannot believe you. I can understand using my mother as a pawn in your Satanic plan if it was for something lesser, but you upped the ante this time around. You all but twisted my insides, Neala. I've never messed with your insides. What you did to me is just deplorable."

I blinked my eyes when Neala threw the tea towel at my face and screeched, "Liar! You gave me food poisoning at Sean's twentieth birthday party. I was bed bound and puking for days!"

I winced.

I forgot about that.

"I didn't do that on purpose though, I really thought that chicken was in date. What you did to me was planned down to a tee, you evil cow!"