He moved his fingers under my chin then lifted my face, making my eyes open. “Why?”

“Jace…” I didn’t need more words to explain it.

“I’m nothing like him. I’ll always tell you the truth even if you don’t want to hear it. I’ll never hurt you or lie to you. I’ve never been in a relationship because no woman has ever captured my heart the way you do. You’re the only one, Alaska. I don’t want anyone else but you. Don’t be scared.”

“I just can’t do it…I’m not ready for a relationship. I’m not ready to give myself away yet. I’m not ready to trust someone implicitly. It’s just too hard right now. I don’t have a heart because Jace burned everything he left behind…”

“Don’t say that.” His voice was gentle. “Don’t let him win, Alaska.”

“It wouldn’t be fair to you. You’d only get a part of me when you deserve the whole thing.”

“I’m okay with that. I will protect and love whatever you give me. In time, I’ll make it grow.”

“You’re such a great guy, Ash. You deserve to be with someone who can do this the right way.”

“That would solve my problem if there was someone else. But there isn’t. I would much rather struggle in a relationship with a woman with a broken heart than be lonely with a line of girls and meaningless sex. Alaska, please.”

“Please don’t make me hurt you…”

“We can take it slow. I’m not asking for a marriage.”

“But I care about you…”

His eyes softened when he looked at me.

“And I can never hurt someone I respect so much. You deserve to be treated right. I could never forgive myself if I hurt you the way Jace hurt me. You don’t deserve to be with someone who is only going to give half her effort because that’s all she has to give. I don’t ever want you to wish I would give you what you need. I don’t want you to regret. I don’t want you to feel hurt…”

“In case you didn’t know, all relationships result in pain. They are hard work, they are tiring, and they are risky. But people keep doing it over and over again because of all the joy they feel. I’m willing to get my heart broken for those moments of happiness. But I’m only willing to do that with you.”

His sweet words were killing me. “Ash, I said no. And that’s my final answer.”

The pain was in his eyes. “What if—”

“I said no.” I was on the verge of tears. I turned around and got my key in the door. “I’m sorry it has to be this way. But I’m not ready and I don’t know when I’ll ever be. Don’t waste your time waiting for me.”

He didn’t argue. He didn’t fight.

I walked inside without looking back then shut the door in his face.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Ash

Fuck, that hurt.

It was the first time I put my heart on the line, and it blew up in my face. If she said she didn’t feel the same way, I would have accepted that and walked away. But the fact she did but wouldn’t take the plunge with me hurt more.

I already hated Jace but now I wished he would just die and burn in hell. He completely destroyed Alaska. She was so trusting and forgiving, but that piece of her was gone. One asshole ruined it for everyone else. I was determined to get it back, but how did I do that when she wouldn’t let me?

I kept to myself for the following week. Alaska was probably avoiding me, but I was avoiding her so we never crossed paths. I took out my garbage late at night so I wouldn’t run into her, and I did my laundry at my parents’ house to prevent an accidental encounter.

I was tending to my wounded heart in solitude. I focused on my studies and tried not to think about her. The worst part of this situation was the loss of a friend. Now we weren’t even speaking to each other and I had a feeling we never would. She would avoid me because she didn’t want to hurt me, and I would avoid her so I could act like I wasn’t hurting.

I went to the bar and met the guys and Livia. I just needed to get out. Having her apartment just a few feet away from me wasn’t helping. I had to stop myself from looking at her through my peephole, just to catch a glimpse of her.

“So, did you tell her?” Livia asked.

Scotty’s arm was over the back of her chair, and his hand rested gently on her neck. They were always affectionate with each other. Sometimes it made me want to gag.

“Yeah.”

“What did she say?” Livia leaned forward, the curiosity about to make her explode.

I felt the depression hit all over again. “She said she didn’t want to be in a relationship again, that Jace hurt her so much that she can’t trust me.” I downed the rest of my beer then waved down the waitress for another.

“Damn it.” Livia slammed her fist against the table.

Sage eyed her. “Livia really wants this to happen…”

“We all do,” Scotty said.

“But it’s not going to,” I said sadly.

“No.” Livia hit her fist against the table again. “You love this girl, don’t you?”

“Unfortunately…”

“Then you can’t just give up. Fight for her, Ash.” She had that crazed look in her eye.

“She said no.” I sipped my beer. “I can’t just change her mind.”

“Yes, you can. Prove to her that she can trust you. Make her believe in relationships again.” Her voice was so loud she was practically yelling.

“Baby, calm down.” Scotty rubbed the back of her neck.

“And how do I do that?” I asked.

“Just be her friend. Keep doing what you were doing. She’ll get close to you and feel safe. Then, bam, she’s yours.” Scotty drank his beer.

“I don’t know…”

“It’s what Scotty and I did.” Livia wasn’t going to let this go. “I told him I couldn’t be in a relationship so we were friends instead. When I was so madly in love with him, I couldn’t stay away. And I trusted him.”

“She won’t even talk to me…” Why did I have to open my big mouth?

“Then make it up to her,” Livia said. “Tell her you want a friendship and you’ll back off. Then make her realize she can’t live without you.”

“You make it sound so easily,” I said miserably.

“She already admitted she has feelings for you,” Livia said. “Now prey on that vulnerability and take advantage of it.”

“You act like I’m trying to hunt her down,” I argued.

“You pretty much are,” she said. “Now do it, Ash. Don’t give up. Who knows if you’ll ever feel this way again.”

I wouldn’t.

“Don’t let up. Fight.” My sister kept staring at me, waiting for me to agree with her. “Think of it this way. If you give up, there’s no hope. But if you never give up, then there’s always hope.”

I needed Alaska more than I let on. She was my whole world. Everything revolved around her. Her safety and happiness was my purpose. I adored her like an artist adored his painting. I loved her like soul mates stretched across time. I needed her like life needed water. When I thought about going back to my previous lifestyle, I wanted to hurl. I couldn’t do that again. “Okay. I’ll fight.”

The Next Installment of the Forehead Kisses Series

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Ash and Alaska Continue

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