“You know what you’re asking is impossible,” I said, shaking my head. “The first time we had to scan in during a lockdown, we’d be caught and arrested.”

“Or maybe you just don’t want to get rid of him.”

“What?”

“Maybe your marriage to him wasn’t an accident. Maybe it happened exactly like the president’s daughter said!” He took another step away from me.

“No. It happened exactly the way I told you. I didn’t lie. I’m not in love with Jack, but that doesn’t mean I want to see him hurt. Right now, our new identities are the only thing keeping us safe.” As I said the words a little voice inside my head started laughing at me. Safe for how long? I wondered if I was going crazy. How could Reyes demand a future with me when I could be dead tomorrow? Didn’t he know my life was as good as over?

“I don’t know what to do,” he said in frustration.

“Neither do I.” We looked at each other for a moment, knowing we had reached an impasse. Finally I broke the silence. “It’s going to be lights out soon. I need to get back.”

“Think about what I asked.”

I smiled sadly and gave him one last kiss before I made my way back to the apartment. I could think about it all I wanted, but nothing was ever going to change.

Chapter Sixteen

Jack was doing sit-ups when I walked into the apartment. I had hoped he would be asleep since I didn’t really feel like talking. It was as if my life had become surreal, and I was nothing more than an apparition walking through it. Although being so disconnected from my feelings wasn’t an entirely unpleasant experience.

Jack stopped exercising when I walked in and jumped to his feet. “I was worried about you,” he said a bit awkwardly.

“There was no need. I was with Reyes.”

“That’s one of the reasons why I was worried.”

I raised my eyebrows. “He wouldn’t hurt me.”

“Really?”

I glared at him.

“You were very upset.”

“Was I? I can’t imagine why. I mean it’s not like my dad was just taken prisoner, or that my best friend is being used by a monster or that I’m on the run from being executed… Oh wait! I am.” I ripped off my hat and threw it on the table.

He spread his arms wide. “You can take your frustrations out on me.”

For some reason, my thoughts wandered to Reyes and his insistent groping a few minutes earlier. It had all gone so badly with him. I knew despite everything that had happened that he still wanted me, but I didn’t think I had anything left to give. My heart was too full of murderous desire.

“In my mood, I might just do some real damage.” I flopped down into a chair. “Tell me now, Jack. Where do you think they would take him?”

“He’s probably being questioned about you. About us.”

“Would they torture him?” I asked even though I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer.

“Maybe. I don’t know for sure. It depends on what he tells them right away.”

I could tell he was being honest with me, but I felt there was something he wasn’t telling me.

“Will they send him back? When they’re done questioning him, will they send him back here?”

He looked at me for a few moments before he answered, as if weighing his answer. “Probably not.” His expression was pained.

I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees and my face in my hands, and tried to absorb this information. Yet somehow my mind couldn’t accept it. I dragged my hands down my face and looked at him. “What will happen to him?” I wanted to know everything no matter how much it tore me up inside.

Jack looked uncomfortable. “I don’t know for sure. Maybe he’ll be Culled early.”

“Culled early.” I rolled the thought around in my head. “There’s no such thing as being Culled early. Fifteen years ago when your people tried to lower the age of the Cull to thirty, we rebelled and the age was kept at thirty-five. So you see, I know there’s no such thing as being Culled early. If my father is killed now, it’s called murder.”

“I’m sorry. Just tell me what I can do for you. I’ll do it.”

“There’s nothing you can do. There’s nothing I can do. The bourge will win like always.”

“So you’re giving up?”

“What else can I do? They’ve taken away everyone I ever loved. My mother and father are gone, my best friend is gone, and pretty soon you and I will both be gone. We can’t win. The odds were always stacked against us.” The lights went out, leaving us in darkness. “See? They even tell us when it’s time to go to bed. Good night, Jack.”

“I’ll take the chair.”

“No, it’s my turn tonight.” I made my tone intentionally dismissive.

He hesitated a moment. “Good night, Sunny.”

I watched him stumble his way to the bedroom, knocking things over as he went, and marvelled at how completely blind he was in the dark.

I hunkered down in the chair even though I was sure I was never going to get to sleep. My head was pounding and my stomach upset. I tried to sort through the mess that was my life, but my brain refused to cooperate. Instead, I found myself thinking about when Summer and I were kids in school and all we had to worry about was getting our homework done. Somehow, I managed to drift off to sleep wrapped up in the memory.

The bong bongs ringing out startled me awake. It felt like I had just closed my eyes. I pushed myself up on my elbows and looked around the bedroom. My bulletproof vest was on the floor beside the bed. I was confused because I was sure I went to sleep in the chair.

I heard Jack moving around in the other room. Although I would have preferred to lie down and pull the blanket over my head, I forced myself out of bed and got dressed. Jack was at the sink splashing cold water on his face when I went into the next room.

“I thought I was supposed to take the chair last night.”

“I missed the chair. It’s comfortable.” I could tell he was lying.

“No, it’s not. And you look exhausted.”

“You could use some cold water on your face, too.”

I realized I must look a mess. My eyes felt hot and swollen from crying so I took his advice. The cold really did feel good even though it was a waste of our water ration.

“Thanks for taking my vest off me last night.” Getting the weight off for a few hours was good, but being half naked in front of Jack was not so good.

Jack turned a little red. “It was pitch black. I didn’t see anything. But I know how much you hate wearing it.”

“I do hate wearing it. It’s a constant reminder of what my life’s become.”

“Ready to go to breakfast?” he asked, his voice falsely bright.

“I’m not hungry this morning.”

“Oh, yes you are. Come on.” He threw my hat at me, and I caught it. “Food will make you feel better.”

I wondered why he was being so nice to me. I figured it was because I was ready to give up and if I did, we would both end up being caught. His survival was inextricably linked to my own. I didn’t feel like I owed him anything, but I didn’t have any desire to see him dead either, so I put my hat on and followed him out the door.

He headed down to the sixth-floor common room for breakfast. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go or not. Reyes would probably be there, hoping for an answer from me, and there was only one answer I could give him. I knew it wasn’t going to be what he wanted to hear.

The lineup for breakfast was still short at this early hour. I looked around the room and almost sighed with relief when I didn’t see Reyes. Maybe if we ate fast enough, I could get out of here before he showed up.

“Sorry to see your boyfriend’s not here yet,” Jack said once we were seated.

I opened my food container and felt a wave of nausea.

“Eat it,” Jack said. He must have seen my expression.

I took a spoonful and forced it down. “Summer’s not here either.”

“You miss her don’t you?”