CHAPTER 25
There was a rumble of thunder, and the onset of that interminable tight drizzle from the north-east by which so many of the world's most momentous events seem to be accompanied.
Dirk turned up the collar of his leather overcoat against the weather, but nothing could dampen his demonic exuberance as he and Richard approached the great twelfth-century gates.
«St Cedd's College, Cambridge,» he exclaimed, looking at them for the first time in eight years. «Founded in the year something or other, by someone I forget in honour of someone whose name for the moment escapes me.»
«St Cedd?» suggested Richard.
«Do you know, I think it very probably was? One of the duller Northumbrian saints. His brother Chad was even duller. Has a cathedral in Birmingham if that gives you some idea. Ah, Bill, how good to see you again,» he added, accosting the porter who was just walking into the college as well. The porter looked round.
«Mr Cjelli, nice to see you back, sir. Sorry you had a spot of bother, hope that's all behind you now.»
«Indeed, Bill, it is. You find me thriving. And Mrs Roberts? How is she? Foot still troubling her?»
«Not since she had it off, thanks for asking, sir. Between you and me, sir, I would've been just as happy to have had her amputated and kept the foot. I had a little spot reserved on the mantelpiece, but there we are, we have to take things as we find them.
Mr MacDuff, sir,» he added, nodding curtly at Richard. «Oh that horse you mentioned, sir, when you were here last night, I'm afraid we had to have it removed. It was bothering Professor Chronotis.»
«I was only curious, er, Bill,» said Richard. «I hope it didn't disturb you.»
«Nothing ever disturbs me, sir, so long as it isn't wearing a dress.
Can't abide it when the young fellers wear dresses, sir.»
«If the horse bothers you again, Bill,» interrupted Dirk, patting him on the shoulder, «send it up to me and I shall speak with it. Now, you mention the good Professor Chronotis. Is he in at the moment? We've come on an errand.»
«Far as I know, sir. Can't check for you because his phone's out of order. Suggest you go and look yourself. Far left corner of Second Court.»
«I know it well, Bill, thank you, and my best to what remains of Mrs Roberts.»
They swept on through into First Court, or at least Dirk swept, and Richard walked in his normal heron-like gait, wrinkling up his face against the measly drizzle.
Dirk had obviously mistaken himself for a tour guide.
«St Cedd's,» he pronounced, «the college of Coleridge, and the college of Sir Isaac Newton, renowned inventor of the milled-edge coin and the catflap!»
«The what?» said Richard.
«The catflap! A device of the utmost cunning, perspicuity and invention. It is a door within a door, you see, a…»
«Yes,» said Richard, «there was also the small matter of gravity.»
«Gravity,» said Dirk with a slightly dismissive shrug, «yes, there was that as well, I suppose. Though that, of course, was merely a discovery. It was there to be discovered.»
He took a penny out of his pocket and tossed it casually on to the pebbles that ran alongside the paved pathway.
«You see?» he said, «They even keep it on at weekends. Someone was bound to notice sooner or later. But the catflap… ah, there is a very different matter. Invention, pure creative invention.»
«I would have thought it was quite obvious. Anyone could have thought of it.»
«Ah,» said Dirk, «it is a rare mind indeed that can render the hitherto non-existent blindingly obvious. The cry „I could have thought of that“ is a very popular and misleading one, for the fact is that they didn't, and a very significant and revealing fact it is too. This if I am not mistaken is the staircase we seek. Shall we ascend?»
Without waiting for an answer he plunged on up the stairs. Richard, following uncertainly, found him already knocking on the inner door.
The outer one stood open.
«Come in!» called a voice from within. Dirk pushed the door open, and they were just in time to see the back of Reg's white head as he disappeared into the kitchen.
«Just making some tea,» he called out. «Like some? Sit down, sit down, whoever you are.»
«That would be most kind,» returned Dirk. «We are two.» Dirk sat, and Richard followed his lead.
«Indian or China?» called Reg.
«Indian, please.»
There was a rattle of cups and saucers.
Richard looked around the room. It seemed suddenly humdrum. The fire was burning quietly away to itself, but the light was that of the grey afternoon. Though everything about it was the same, the old sofa, the table burdened with books, there seemed nothing to connect it with the hectic strangeness of the previous night. The room seemed to sit there with raised eyebrows, innocently saying «Yes?»
«Milk?» called out Reg from the kitchen.
«Please,» replied Dirk. He gave Richard a smile which seemed to him to be half-mad with suppressed excitement.
«One lump or two?» called Reg again.
«One, please,» said Dirk, «…and two spoons of sugar if you would.»
There was a suspension of activity in the kitchen. A moment or two passed and Reg stuck his head round the door.
«Svlad Cjelli!» he exclaimed. «Good heavens! Well, that was quick work, young MacDuff, well done. My dear fellow, how very excellent to see you, how good of you to come.»
He wiped his hands on a tea towel he was carrying and hurried over to shake hands.
«My dear Svlad.»
«Dirk, please, if you would,» said Dirk, grasping his hand warmly, «I prefer it. It has more of a sort of Scottish dagger feel to it, I think. Dirk Gently is the name under which I now trade. There are certain events in the past, I'm afraid, from which I would wish to disassociate myself.»
«Absolutely, I know how you feel. Most of the fourteenth century, for instance, was pretty grim,» agreed Reg earnestly.
Dirk was about to correct the misapprehension, but thought that it might be somewhat of a long trek and left it.
«So how have you been, then, my dear Professor?» he said instead, decorously placing his hat and scarf upon the arm of the sofa.
«Well,» said Reg, «it's been an interesting time recently, or rather, a dull time. But dull for interesting reasons. Now, sit down again, warm yourselves by the fire, and I will get the tea and endeavour to explain.» He bustled out again, humming busily, and left them to settle themselves in front of the fire.
Richard leant over to Dirk. «I had no idea you knew him so well,» he said with a nod in the direction of the kitchen.
«I don't,» said Dirk instantly. «We met once by chance at some dinner, but there was an immediate sympathy and rapport.»
«So how come you never met again?»
«He studiously avoided me, of course. Close rapports with people are dangerous if you have a secret to hide. And as secrets go, I fancy that this is somewhat of a biggie. If there is a bigger secret anywhere in the world I would very much care,» he said quietly, «to know what it is.»
He gave Richard a significant look and held his hands out to the fire. Since Richard had tried before without success to draw him out on exactly what the secret was, he refused to rise to the bait on this occasion, but sat back in his armchair and looked about him.
«Did I ask you,» said Reg, returning at that moment, «if you wanted any tea?»
«Er, yes,» said Richard, «we spoke about it at length. I think we agreed in the end that we would, didn't we?»
«Good,» said Reg, vaguely, «by a happy chance there seems to be some ready in the kitchen. You'll have to forgive me. I have a memory like a… like a… what are those things you drain rice in? What am I talking about?»