“I want to celebrate your next birthday, Anna.”

“Okay.”

***

The rainy season ended in November. Thanksgiving came and went like any other day, but on Christmas T.J. found a huge crab near the shore. My mouth watered as he poked and prodded it toward the fire, one giant claw pinching the end of his stick, the other snapping at him the whole way. He dropped it onto the flames and soon we were gorging ourselves, cracking the legs with the pliers and pulling the meat out with our fingers.

“This reminds me of our first Christmas, when we caught the chicken and celebrated with something other than fish,” T.J. said.

“That seems like such a long time ago,” I said, blinking back tears.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I just thought we might be home for Christmas this year.”

T.J. put his arm around me. “Maybe next year, Anna.”

In February, I woke up from a nap. A bouquet of flowers gathered from the various bushes and shrubs scattered around the island lay on the blanket beside me, a small length of rope wound around their stems.

I found T.J. down at the shore. “Someone’s been checking the calendar.”

He grinned. “I didn’t want to miss Valentine’s Day.”

I kissed him. “You’re sweet to me.”

Pulling me closer, he said, “It’s not hard, Anna.”

I stared into T.J.’s eyes, and he started to sway. My arms went around his neck and we danced, moving in a circle, the sand soft and warm under our feet.

“You don’t need music, do you?”

“No,” T.J. said. “But I do need you.”

A few days later, T.J. and I walked along the shore at sunset. “I miss my mom and dad. I’ve been thinking about them a lot lately. My sister and brother-in-law, too. And Joe and Chloe. I hope you get to meet them all someday, T.J. They’d like you.”

“I hope so, too.”

By then, I knew if we were ever rescued, T.J. would have to be a part of my life in Chicago. In what capacity, I didn’t know. He’d missed so much, and it wouldn’t be fair of me to take up too much of his time. The selfish part of me, however, couldn’t fathom not falling asleep in his arms or being with him every day. I needed T.J., and the thought of being away from him bothered me more than I wanted to admit.

Chapter 30 – T.J

“Anna.” I whispered her name. “Are you awake?”

“Hmm,” she said.

“Do you still love that guy?” I knew his name, but I didn’t want to say it. I was wrapped around her, my chest against her back. She rolled over to face me.

“John? No. I don’t love him anymore. I haven’t thought about him in a long time. Why?”

“I was just wondering. Never mind, go to sleep.” I kissed her forehead and settled her onto my chest.

But she didn’t go to sleep. She made love to me instead.

***

Anna turned thirty-three in May, and we celebrated her birthday for the first time on the island. A light rain was falling, and we lay next to each other in the life raft listening to the steady rhythm of the drops hitting the roof of the house.

“I didn’t actually get you anything. You told me a long time ago that the island mall sucked,” I said.

She smiled. “It’s a little low on merchandise.”

“Yes. So we’ll have to pretend. If we were home, I’d take you out for dinner and then I’d give you these gifts. But since we’re not home, I’m just going to tell you all the awesome stuff I got you, okay?”

“You shouldn’t have,” she teased.

“You’re worth it. Okay, your first gift is books. All the current bestsellers.”

Anna sighed. “I miss reading.”

“I know you do.”

She snuggled closer. “You’re great at this. What else did you get me?”

“Ah, someone is enjoying her birthday. Your next gift is music.”

“Did you make me a mix tape?” she asked.

I grinned and started tickling her. “With all your favorite classic rock songs.”

She squirmed and giggled, rolling over on top of me trying to trap my hands underneath her so I’d stop tickling. “I love it,” she said. “Books and music. My two favorite things. Thank you.” She kissed me. “This was the best birthday I’ve had in a long time.”

“I’m glad you liked it.”

I pulled my arms out from underneath her body and tucked her hair behind her ears. “I love you, Anna.”

The surprised look on her face told me she hadn’t seen that coming.

“You weren’t supposed to fall in love,” she whispered.

“Well, I did,” I said, looking into her eyes. “I’ve been in love with you for months. I’m telling you now because I think you love me too, Anna. You just don’t think you’re supposed to. You’ll tell me when you’re ready. I can wait.” I pulled her mouth down to mine and kissed her and when it ended, I smiled and said, “Happy birthday.”

Chapter 31 – Anna

I should have known he was falling in love. All the signs were there, and had been for quite some time. It was only after he got sick that I regretted not telling him he was absolutely right.

I loved him, too.

A week after my birthday I lay down in bed next to him only to discover he was already asleep. I had gone to the bathroom and filled our bottle at the water collector, but I’d only been a few minutes behind him, and T.J. never went to sleep without making love first.

He was still sleeping the next morning when I woke up, and he wasn’t awake by the time I’d gone fishing and gathered the coconut and breadfruit.

I crawled into bed. His eyes were open, but he looked tired. I kissed his chest. “Do you feel okay?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’m just tired.”

I kissed his neck, the way I knew he liked, but then I pulled back suddenly.

“Hey, don’t stop.”

I put my hand on his neck. “T.J., there’s a lump here.”

He reached up and felt it with his fingertips. “It’s probably nothing.”

“You said you would tell me if you noticed anything.”

“I didn’t know it was there.”

“You seem really tired.”

“I’m fine.” He kissed me and tried to take my shirt off.

I sat up, just out of reach. “Then what’s with the lump?”

“I don’t know.” He got out of bed. “Don’t worry about it, Anna.”

After breakfast, he reluctantly agreed to let me feel his neck again. I pressed my fingers gently under his jaw, discovering swollen lymph nodes on both sides. Had he been sweating at night? I wasn’t sure. He didn’t look like he’d lost any weight; I would have noticed if he had. Neither of us said anything about what the lumps might mean. He seemed exhausted so I sent him back to bed. I walked down to the lagoon, waded into the water, and floated on my back, staring up at the cloudless blue sky.

The cancer is back. I know it, and so does he.

He woke up for lunch, but after we ate, he fell asleep again and he was still sleeping at dinnertime. I went into the house to check on him. When I bent down to kiss his cheek, his skin scorched my lips.

“T.J.!” He moaned when I placed the back of my hand against his hot forehead. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to get the Tylenol.”

I found the first-aid kit and shook two Tylenol into the palm of my hand. I helped him swallow the Tylenol with water, but he threw up all over himself a few minutes later.

I cleaned him up with a T-shirt and tried to shift him over a little, to a drier part of the blanket. He cried out when I touched him.

“Okay, I won’t move you. Tell me what hurts.”