To hide her own body from herself and everyone else, Tatiana wore a flannel undershirt, a flannel shirt, her own wool sweater, Pasha’s wool sweater, a pair of heavy stockings, long trousers, a skirt over them, and her quilted winter coat. She took off her coat to sleep.

Dasha mentioned that she had lost her breasts, and Marina said, breasts? I don’t have a mother anymore, and you’re talking about breasts? Wouldn’t you trade breasts for your mother? I would. And Dasha apologized, but in the kitchen she broke down crying and said, “I want my breasts back, Tanechka.”

Tatiana gently rubbed Dasha’s back. “Come on, now,” she said. “Courage, Dasha. We’re not doing too badly. Look, we have some oatmeal left. Go inside. I’ll make you some.”

After Aunt Rita died, Marina still went out every morning to university, even though, as she told Tatiana, the professors taught nothing, there were no books and no lectures. But there was some heat, and Marina could sit in the library for a few hours until she could go to the canteen and get her clear soup.

“I hate soup,” Marina said. “Hate it now. It’s so meaningless.”

“It’s not meaningless. It’s hot water,” said Tatiana, as she crouched beside her dwindling bag of sugar. They still had some barley left. “Don’t touch the barley,” she said. “It will be our dinner for the next month.”

“There is hardly a cupful in the bag!” Marina exclaimed in disbelief.

“It’s a good thing you can’t eat it raw,” Tatiana said. But she was wrong. The next day there was less barley in the bag.

2

The leaflets rained down as they had in Luga. First the leaflets, then the bombs. The difference was, there had been food then, and it was warm. The difference was, back then Tatiana had believed in many things. She had believed she would find Pasha. She had believed the war would soon be over. She had believed Comrade Stalin.

Nowadays she believed in only one faint but immutable thing.

In one immutable man.

Now the leaflets that rained down from the Luftwaffe planes proclaimed to her in Russian: Women! Wear your white dresses. Wear your white dresses so when you walk along Suvorovsky to get your 250 grams of bread, we can see you from 200 meters in the sky, and not shoot you and not throw bombs your way.

Wear your white dress and live, Tatiana! was what the leaflets shouted to her.

Tatiana saved one, a few days before the twenty-fourth celebration of the Russian Revolution on November 7. She brought it home and carelessly dropped it on the table. There it stayed until the next day, when Alexander returned, thinner than he had been two weeks earlier, his face more gaunt. Gone was the twinkling glance, gone was the perpetual smile, gone the charm and the liveliness. Gone.

What was left was a man who hugged Dasha and even Mama, who hugged him back and said, “Good to see you, dearest. Good to see you. We can’t bear to think about you in that wet and cold.”

“It’s drier, but not much warmer here,” said the man, who hugged Babushka standing against the wall in the hallway, because she could not stand unsupported anymore, and who pecked Marina on the cheek, and who, when he turned to Tatiana standing awkwardly by the door, holding on to the brass handle, could not bring himself to come over and touch her. Couldn’t, despite the fact that his dark eyes lingered on her. He waved to her. That was something. Waved, turned and walked inside the room, put down his rifle, took off his heavy coat, sat, and asked for his soap. The girls twittered around him. Dasha brought him a piece of bread, which he swallowed whole. Marina stared at the bread before he ate it.

“It’s Revolution Day tomorrow, Alexander. Will there be a little extra to celebrate with?” Dasha asked.

“I’ll get you some food when I go back to the barracks. I’ll bring some tomorrow, all right?”

“What about now? Do you have anything now?”

“I came straight from the front, Dasha. I have nothing today.”

Tatiana stepped forward. “Alexander, do you want a cup of tea? I’ll make you some.”

“Yes, please.”

“I’ll make it!” barked Dasha, and disappeared.

Taking out a cigarette, Alexander lit it and offered it to Tatiana. “Have a smoke,” he said quietly. “Go ahead.”

Shaking her head, Tatiana looked at him, puzzled. “You know I don’t smoke.”

“I know,” Alexander said. “But it’ll lessen your appetite.” He paused. “What? What are you looking at me like that for?” He smiled faintly. “Keep looking,” he whispered.

Staring at him with her clear, affectionate eyes, Tatiana couldn’t help herself. She placed her glove-clad hand on the back of his uniform and patted him softly. “Shura,” she whispered, “you’re still months behind us, aren’t you? I have no appetite.” She took her hand away. He put the cigarette into his own mouth.

Standing behind Alexander, Babushka and Marina watched them. Tatiana didn’t care. His face was to her. Marina said, coming up to them, “Alexander, offer me a cigarette, why don’t you? To lessen my appetite.”

Taking the cigarette out of his mouth, Alexander handed it to Marina, who took it and said to Tatiana, “Are you sure you don’t want a smoke? It’s just been in his mouth, Tania.”

Alexander looked from Marina to Tatiana with a tired, slightly bemused expression. “Marinka,” he said, “have the cigarette and leave Tania alone.”

Picking up the Nazi leaflet off the table, he said, “To celebrate the glorious revolution, Leningrad Party chief Zhdanov is trying to get a couple of tablespoons of sour cream for the children. There might be—”

He stopped talking. Reading the leaflet more carefully, he said, “What’s this?”

“Oh, nothing,” said Tatiana, stepping closer to the table. Marina had sat down. Babushka continued to stand against the wall. Tatiana opened her coat and showed Alexander the white dress with the red roses she was wearing underneath.

Alexander paled. “Is that your dress?” he asked, his voice breaking.

Only Tatiana stood in front of Alexander, and only Tatiana could see what his eyes were filled with. Stepping away from him, she shook her head at him imperceptibly, to say, no, stop, this room is too small for us, stop.

“Yes, that’s my dress,” Tatiana said, looking at the dress hanging off her. She closed her coat.

Dasha came through, shutting the door behind her with her foot. “Alex, here, have some tea. It’s weak, but tea is something we still have. Not much else, mind you, not much—” She broke off. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing.” Alexander looked back down at the leaflet. “What’s this?”

Dasha looked at Marina quizzically, and Marina just shrugged as if to say, I’ll be damned if I know.

Tatiana remained standing. “That’s why I’m wearing a white dress,” she said to Alexander. “To avoid being hit.”

Alexander shot up from his seat so fast that he spilled the hot tea all over himself. Holding the leaflet, he banged his fist hard on the table. “Are you crazy?” he yelled at Tatiana. “Have you lost your mind?”

Dasha grabbed him by the sleeve. “Alexander, are you crazy? What are you shouting at her for?”

“Tania!” he yelled again, taking a lunging step toward her. Tatiana did not back away; she blinked.

Dasha got between them, pushing Alexander away. “Sit down, what’s the matter with you? Why are you shouting?”

Alexander sat down, never taking his eyes off Tatiana, who reached behind the sofa, got an old rag, came to the table, and started wiping up the spilled tea.

“Tania,” Dasha said, “don’t come so close to him. Or in a minute he’ll—”

“In a minute I’ll what, Dasha?” Alexander said.

“Forget it, Dash,” Tatiana said quietly. Picking up the empty teacup, she started toward the door.

Alexander grabbed her arm. “Tania, put the cup down and go change your dress.” He didn’t let go of her arm, but added, “Please.”