She sniffed, trying to turn her head away again, but he wouldn’t let her, feeling overwhelming, crushing tenderness. “Shh… come here,” he said, and hugged her gently. “Tania, whatever questions you have, the answer is yes to all of them,” he whispered, kissing her hair. He felt her attempting to move away.

“I have no questions,” she said evenly. “They’ve all been answered. You did this for Dasha. She will be so grateful.”

Shaking his head, Alexander laughed once with disbelief. Allowing Tatiana to slip down on the pillow, he said, “Did I kiss you for Dasha, too?”

She turned red.

“Tania,” he said quietly, “we cannot be having this conversation. Not after what we’ve just been through.”

“You’re right. We should not be talking at all.” She wouldn’t look at him.

“We should. Just not about this.”

“Go, Alexander. Go and tell my sister how you saved me for her.”

“I didn’t save you for her,” he said, standing up. “I saved you for me. And you’re not being very fair, Tania.”

“I know.” She nodded sadly, staring at the blanket. “There is nothing fair about any of this.”

Alexander took Tatiana’s hand, struggling with himself not to kiss her again, not to cause her further pain and himself further pain. In the end, with a hurting heart, he pressed his lips into the trembling palm of her hand and left.

Impaled in Space

AFTER Alexander left, Tatiana wanted to cry, but her ribs hurt too much. She put her arm over her face when the nurse, Vera, came in and said, “Now, now, there, there, you’ll be all right. Your family will be here soon. Don’t cry, you’ll hurt yourself. You’ve got broken ribs. Why don’t you sleep? I’ll give you something to sleep.”

“Do you have some more morphine?”

“I already gave you two grams. How much more do you want?” Vera chuckled.

“Another kilo?”

Tatiana slept.

When she opened her eyes, her family was sitting on chairs around her bed, looking alternately endeared and horrified by her. Dasha was holding her hand. Mama was wiping her face. Babushka was anxiously tapping on Deda’s hand. Papa was looking at her with reproachful eyes.

“Tania, you’ve been out for two days,” said Dasha, who would not stop kissing Tatiana’s cut hair.

Mama stroked her hands. “What were you thinking?” she kept repeating in a wailing voice.

“I wanted to get our Pasha,” Tatiana said, squeezing her mother’s hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t.”

“Tania, what nonsense you talk,” said Papa, walking to the window. “Didn’t you go to school? Didn’t you graduate a year early? What did they teach you there? Obviously not sense.”

Mama said, “Tanechka, you are our baby girl, our angel baby girl. What would we have done if we had lost you, too?” She sobbed. “How could we go on?”

Papa told Mama not to talk nonsense. “We have not lost Pasha! Volunteers come back from the line all the time. There is hope.”

“Tell that to Nina Iglenko,” said Dasha. “You can’t step into the corridor without hearing her cries for Volodya.”

“Nina has four sons,” Papa said grimly, “who are all going to the front if this war is not over soon. She better get used to losing them.” He lowered his head. “But we have only one, and I have to have hope.”

If Tatiana had had the strength, she would have turned away from all of them, unable to face them with the truth of what she had seen on the Luga River. If she told them that she had wrapped dead bodies, that she had watched people die in front of her, that she had seen burning and mangled limbs and small children struck down, her family would not have believed her. Tatiana hardly believed it herself.

“You really are completely insane, Tania,” said Dasha. “Putting us all through such hell, and risking my poor Alexander’s life. He went to find you, you know. I begged him to do it. He didn’t want to; he had to go over his commanding officer’s head.”

“Tatiana,” said Deda, “he saved your life.”

“Did he?” she said feebly.

“Oh, you poor thing,” said Mama, rubbing Tatiana’s hand. “You don’t remember anything. Georg, she doesn’t remember. What you must have gone through.”

“Mama, didn’t you hear?” said Dasha. “The station fell on her. Alexander dug her out from fallen bricks!”

“That man, Dashenka!” exclaimed Papa. “Where did you find him? He’s gold, pure gold. Hold on to him.”

“I intend to, Papa.”

At that moment the man who was pure gold walked in with Dimitri. The family flocked to him. Papa and Deda shook his hands vigorously. Mama and Babushka hugged him. Dasha bent him to her and kissed him on the mouth.

And kissed him and kissed him.

And kissed him.

“Enough, Daria Georgievna,” said Papa. “Let the soldier breathe.”

Dimitri came over to Tatiana and put his arm around her. His eyes were concerned and amused. “Well, Tanechka,” he said, kissing her head, “you seem to be quite fortunate to have your life.”

“Tatiana, I think you have something to say to Lieutenant Belov,” said Papa solemnly.

“They are going to give our lieutenant another medal for military valor,” Dimitri snorted. “After dropping off Tatiana, he returned for his men, bringing eleven out of twenty of them back to Leningrad. And most of these men were untrained. Better even than Finland, right, Alex?”

Stepping up to the bed, Alexander said, “Tania, how are you feeling?”

“Wait, what happened in Finland?” asked Dasha, glued to Alexander’s arm.

“How are you feeling, Tania?” Alexander repeated.

“Great,” Tatiana replied, unable to look at him. She smiled at her mother. “I’m all right, Mama. I’ll be home soon.”

Dasha said, “What happened in Finland?” Still glued to Alexander.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Alexander said.

“I’ll tell them,” Dimitri said brightly. “In Finland, Alexander brought back only four out of thirty men, yet somehow he managed to turn even that defeat into a victory. A medal and a promotion. Didn’t you, Alexander?”

Not replying to Dimitri, Alexander asked Tania, “How is your leg?”

“Fine,” she replied. “It will be as good as new soon.”

“Not soon!” exclaimed Mama. “September! You’re in a cast until September, Tania. What are you going to do?”

“I guess,” said Tatiana, “I will be in a cast until September.”

Mama, shaking her head and sniffling, said, “No, Alexander carried her on his back, Georg, on his back.” She grabbed Alexander’s hands and said, “How can we ever thank you?”

“No thanks necessary,” Alexander replied, smiling at Tatiana’s mother. “Just take care of Tania.”

“Alex, it’s a good thing our Tania only weighs about three kilos,” Dasha said with a giggle.

“Thank him, Tania,” persisted Papa, practically storming Tatiana’s bed in his anxiety and gratitude. “Thank the man for saving your life, for goodness’ sake!”

Forming a thin smile, with Dimitri still holding her hand, Tatiana somehow managed to look straight at Alexander as she said, “Thank you, Lieutenant.”

Before he had a chance to respond, Dasha hugged him again. “Alexander, you see what you’ve done for our family? How can I ever thank you?” She smiled, rubbing up to him.

Blessedly, the nurse came in and told everyone they had to leave.

Dimitri leaned down and pressed his rubbery mouth to the corner of Tatiana’s mouth. “Good night, dear,” he said. “I’ll come and see you tomorrow.”

She wanted to scream.

Dasha remained behind to straighten Tatiana’s blankets and move a pillow under her leg. She seemed agitated in a way Tatiana had not seen in weeks. “Tania,” she whispered, “if there is a God, thank God for you. After he brought you back, we had a long talk. I was so grateful to him for finding you, and I convinced him to give us another chance. With the war so close, I said, what did we have to lose? I said, Alexander, look at what you did for me; you wouldn’t have done it if you didn’t have feelings for me. And he said, Dasha, I never said I didn’t have feelings for you.” Dasha kissed Tatiana’s head. “Thank you, my lovely baby, thank you for staying alive long enough for him to find you.”