“He’s a man! And frankly, I’m less worried about him either way—”

“You’re worried about Tatiana? That’s good to hear.”

“I’m worried about what she will do.”

“Ah, that is a fine difference.”

“I’m worried that you will be so busy fretting about her, you will screw up, make stupid mistakes. She will slow you down, make you think twice about taking the kind of chances we might need to take. The Lisiy Nos forest checkpoint is poorly defended, not undefended.”

“You are right. We might have to fight for our freedom.”

“So you agree?”

“No.”

“Alexander, listen to me. This is our last chance. I know it. This is a perfect plan; it could work so well. But she will lead us to ruin. She is not up to it. Don’t be stupid now when we are so close. This is it.” Dimitri smiled. “This is what we’ve been waiting for! There are no more trial runs, there are no more tomorrows, no more next times. This is it.”

“Yes,” said Alexander. “This is it.” Closing his eyes briefly, he fought an impulse to keep them closed.

“So listen to me—”

“I will not listen.”

“You will listen!” exclaimed Dimitri. “You and I have been planning this a long time. Here is our chance! And I’m not saying leave Tania in the Soviet Union for good. Not at all. I’m saying let us, two men, do what we have to do to get out. Get out safely and, most importantly, alive! You’re no good to her dead, and I’m not going to enjoy America if I’m dead myself. Alive, Alexander. Plus, to hide in the swamps—”

“We’re driving to Helsinki in a truck. What swamps?”

“If we need to, I said. Three men and a frail girl, we’re a crowd. We’re not hiding out. We’re asking to be caught. If something were to happen to Sayers, if Sayers were to get killed—”

“Why would Sayers get killed? He’s a Red Cross doctor.” Alexander studied Dimitri intensely.

“I don’t know. But if we had to make it by ourselves across the Baltic—on ice, on foot, hiding out in convoy trucks—well, two men can do it, but three people? We will be too easily noticed. Too easily stopped. And she won’t make it.”

“She made it through the blockade. She made it through the Volga ice. She made it through Dasha. She will make it,” said Alexander, but his heart was burning with uncertainty. The dangers Dimitri was pointing out were so close to Alexander’s own anxieties for Tatiana, it was brutalizing his stomach. “All the things you say may be true,” he continued with great effort, “but you’re forgetting two very important things. What do you think will happen to her here once I’m reported missing?”

“To her? Nothing. Her name is still Tatiana Metanova.” Dimitri nodded slyly. “You have been very careful to keep your marriage hidden. That’ll help you now.”

“It won’t help her.” Alexander stopped.

“No one will know.”

“You’re wrong,” said Alexander. “I will know.” He gritted his teeth to keep the groan of pain from escaping his throat.

“Yes, but you’ll be in America. You’ll be back home.”

Alexander spoke in a flat voice. “She cannot remain behind.”

“She can. She’ll be fine. Alexander, she’s never known anything but this life—”

“Neither have you!”

Dimitri went on. “She’ll continue here as if she’d never met you—”

“How?”

Dimitri laughed. “I know you think a lot of yourself, but she will get over you. Others have. I know she probably cares for you very much—but with time she’ll meet someone else, and she’ll be fine.”

“Stop being an idiot!” Alexander said. “She’ll be arrested in three days. The wife of a deserter. Three days. And you know it. Stop talking horseshit.”

“No one will know who she is.”

“You found out!”

Ignoring Alexander, Dimitri continued calmly, “Tatiana Metanova will go back to Grechesky Hospital and will go on with her life in Leningrad. And if you still want her when you’re settled in America, after the war is over, you can send her a formal letter of invitation, asking her to come to Boston to visit a sick and dying distant aunt. She will come by proper methods, if she can, by train, by ship. Think of this as a temporary separation, until there is a better time for her. For all of us.”

Alexander rubbed the bridge of his nose with his left hand. Somebody come and rescue me from this hell, he thought. The short hairs on his neck stood on end. He breathed more erratically. “Dimitri!” said Alexander, staring straight at him. “You have a chance, for the second time in your life, to do something decent—take it. The first time was when you helped me to see my father. What do you care if she comes with us?”

“I have to think of myself, Alexander. I cannot spend all my time thinking about protecting your wife.”

“How much time have you spent thinking about that?” Alexander exclaimed. “You have always thought only of yourself—”

“Unlike, say, you?” Dimitri laughed.

“Unlike anyone else. Come with us. She extended her hand to you.”

“To protect you.”

“Yes. It doesn’t make her hand any less extended. Take it. She will get us out. We will all be free. You will have the one thing you care about the most—your free life away from war. You do care about that the most, don’t you?” Tania’s St. Isaac’s words swam by Alexander. He covets from you most what you want most. But Alexander would not be defeated. He will never take it all from you, Alexander, his Tatiana had said to him. He will never have that much power. “You will have your free life—because of her. We will not perish—because of her.”

“We’ll all be killed—because of her.”

“I guarantee—you will not perish. Take this chance, have your life. I’m not denying you what is rightfully yours. I said I would get you out, and I will. Tania is very strong, and she will not let us down. You’ll see. She will not falter; she will not fail. You have nothing to do but say yes. She and I will do the rest. You said yourself, this is our last chance. I agree. I feel that more now than ever.”

“I bet you do,” Dimitri said.

Trying to hide his desperate anger, Alexander said, “Let something else guide you! This war has brought you inside yourself, you have forgotten other people. Remember her. Once. You know that if she stays here, she will die. Save her, Dimitri.” Alexander almost said, please.

“If she comes with us, we will all die,” Dimitri said coldly. “I’m convinced of it.”

Alexander turned his body forward and faced the middle distance once again. His eyes glazed over, cleared, glazed over.

Darkness engulfed him.

Dimitri spoke. “Alexander—think of it as dying at the front. If you had died out on the ice, she would have had to find a way to continue living in the Soviet Union, wouldn’t she? Well, it’s the same thing.”

“It’s all the difference in the world.” Alexander looked into his stiffening hands. Because now there is light in front of her.

“It is no difference to her at all. One way or the other she is without you.”

“No.”

“She is a small price to pay for America!” Dimitri exclaimed.

Shuddering, Alexander made no reply, his heart pumping out of his chest. The Fontanka Bridge, the granite parapets, Tatiana on her knees.

“She will doom us all.”

“Dimitri, I already said no,” he said, steel in his voice.

Dimitri narrowed his eyes. “Are you deliberately not understanding me? She can’t come.”

I am just a means to an end, she had said. I am just ammunition.

Alexander laughed. “Finally! I was wondering how long it would take you to issue your useless threats. You say she can’t come?”

“No, she can’t.”

“That’s fine,” said Alexander with a short nod. “I’m not going either. The whole thing is off. It’s over. Dr. Sayers is leaving for Helsinki immediately. In three days I’m going back to the front. Tania will return to Leningrad.” Steadying his loathing stare on Dimitri, he said, “No one is going. You’re dismissed, Private. Our meeting is finished.”