Mad rating: 2

Logopolis – Starts randomly killing the mathematicians who are holding the universe together with their calculations, thus causing creation to start unravelling. Then tries to hold the entire cosmos to ransom. With a walkman.

Mad rating: 3

Castrovalva – Sends the TARDIS screaming back to the Big Bang where it will be utterly destroyed. Just in case it isn’t utterly destroyed, also kidnaps Adric and sets up Castrovalva, an artificial and fully recursive city to finally ensnare the Doctor forever. The ultimate Plan B.

Mad rating: 3

Time-Flight – Escapes Castrovalva, but gets stranded on prehistoric Earth, his TARDIS’s dynomorphic generator exhausted. Disguises himself as an alien called Kalid and tries to replace his TARDIS’s generators with a powerful alien known as the Xeraphin.

Mad rating: 2

The King’s Demons – Posing as a French swordsman, tries to stop the signing of the Magna Carta by means of a shape-shifting android and a dodgy accent.

Mad rating: 1

The Five Doctors – Forced into rescuing the Doctor(s) from the Death Zone, thinks on the hoof and tries to claim immortality from Rassilon.

Mad rating: 1

Planet of Fire – After accidentally shrinking himself to hamster size, seizes control of former slave Kamelion so that he can hijack the TARDIS and restore himself in the Numismaton gas of the planet Sarn.

Mad rating: 2

The Mark of the Rani – Teams ups with the Rani to accelerate the Industrial Revolution, but instead larks around disguised as Worzel Gummidge.

Mad rating: 3

The Trial of a Time Lord: The Ultimate Foe – Sits down and watches a courtroom drama for 12 episodes then steps in when he realises that the Valeyard, the distillation of everything evil in the Doctor, might win and wipe the floor with him.

Mad rating: 1

Survival – Trapped on an alien planet and slowly mutating into a Cheetah Person, uses dimension-hopping black cats to send Cheetah People to Earth to bring back humans who will turn into Cheetah people and transport him back to Earth.

Mad rating: 3

Doctor Who – Seemingly exterminated by the Daleks, tricks the Doctor into taking his mortal remains back to Gallifrey, morphs into an alien death-snake thing, takes over the corpse of an ambulance driver and opens the Eye of Harmony so he can steal the Doctor’s remaining regenerations, nearly destroying the Earth in the process.

Mad rating: 2

Utopia – Wipes his own memory and disguises himself as a human to escape the horrors of the Time War. As plans go, we can’t argue with it.

Mad rating: 0

The Sound of Drums – Worms his way into politics, becomes Prime Minister, fakes first contact with an alien race, kills the President of the United States, and, using the Doctor’s TARDIS to stabilise a massive paradox, becomes supreme ruler of Earth.

Mad rating: 3

The End of Time – Uses the Immortality Gate to turn every human into a perfect copy of himself and unexpectedly brings Gallifrey back from the Time War.

Mad rating: 2

THE THINGS OF RASSILON AND OTHER GALLIFREYAN STUFF

An awful lot of Gallifreyan artefacts seem to have been named after the founder of Time Lord society. Here’s the complete list so far, although for all we know there could be the cheese-grater of Rassilon hidden somewhere in the Panopticon.

The Black Scrolls of Rassilon – Forbidden knowledge from the Dark Time of Gallifrey. (The Five Doctors)

The Circlet of Rassilon – Used to access the Matrix, the repository of all Time Lord knowledge. (The Invasion of Time)

The Coronet of Rassilon – Enabled the wearer to control the minds of others. (The Five Doctors)

The Great Key of Rassilon – Activated the De-Mat gun, Gallifrey’s ultimate weapon. (The Invasion of Time)

The Gauntlet of Rassilon – A large metal glove worn by the resurrected Rassilon capable of disintegrating living matter. (The End of Time)

The Harp of Rassilon – The key to a secret Time Scoop chamber in the chambers of the High Council. (The Five Doctors)

The Key of Rassilon – Allowed Time Lords to physically enter the Matrix. Rassilon clearly liked a good key. (The Trial of a Time Lord: The Ultimate Foe)

The Record of Rassilon – Rassilon’s own chronicle of the war against the Vampires. A copy was kept on all Type 40 TARDISes. (State of Decay)

The Ring of Rassilon – Bestowed the wearer with the gift – or rather, the curse – of immortality. (The Five Doctors)

The Rod of Rassilon – An ebonite staff held by the Time Lord President. Could also be used to activate the Eye of Harmony which was located beneath the Panopticon. Also, confusingly, known as the Great Key. (The Deadly Assassin, The Invasion of Time)

The Sash of Rassilon – The Presidential chain of office. Could also protect the wearer against the forces of the Eye of Harmony. (The Deadly Assassin)

The Seal of Rassilon – The seal of the High Council and universal crest of the Time Lords. (Various)

The Tomb of Rassilon – The final resting place of the first Time Lord president. (The Five Doctors)

Other Time Lord artefacts:

The Hand of Omega – Omega’s remote stellar manipulator that created the Black Hole that powered Rassilon’s time-travel experiments. (Remembrance of the Daleks)

The Genesis Ark – A dimensionally transcendental prison used to incarcerate millions of Daleks. (Doomsday)

Validium – Living metal created by Rassilon and Omega to defend Gallifrey. (Silver Nemesis)

The Untempered Schism – A controlled opening in the very fabric of time and space. Gallifreyan children wanting to enter the Time Lord Academy stared into the Schism as a test of their strength and sanity. Billions of year’s exposure to the vortex through the Schism gave the Time Lords the ability to regenerate. (The Sound of Drums, A Good Man Goes to War)

GALLIFREYAN BEDTIME CLASSICS THE DOCTOR ENJOYED AS A TIME TOT

Blind Fury

The Three Little Sontarans

The Emperor Dalek’s New Clothes

Snow White and the Seven Keys to Doomsday

THE TIME LORD PRESIDENTIAL CODE

4553916592

THE INAUGURATION PLEDGE OF THE TIME LORD PRESIDENT