“In the silken softness of beach sand, under three alien moons.”

He squints. “Is that from a Cadsim fic?”

“Yep.”

“You asshat.”

He cracks up and kicks me under the table. Abel has perfect teeth, which is annoying, and now I can’t unsee the Olivier/cockatoo thing. He does kind of look like an old-timey movie actor. Broad rounded shoulders, strong straight nose, subtle chin divot, green-gray eyes that are probably capable of smoldering under the right circumstances. And the white hair does look feathery. I never looked at it for this long. I wonder what it feels like. If it’s soft and floaty or stiff with mysterious product. If I touched it‌—‌

“Oh my God.”

He’s staring at the bar. His jaw cranks open.

“Ohhhhhhh, shit.”

Hell Bells.

My skin prickles. I keep my eyes on my beer.

“What?” I whisper.

“This is it. It’s fate, Brandon.”

“What’s fate?”

“Don’t. Look.”

“Who is it?”

“That guy.”

“Who?”

“Him. Team Android Shirt! From the Q&A.”

“Ugh, you scared me.”

“You should be scared. He could be your destiny‌—‌don’t look!”

“You said we’d forget that stuff tonight.”

“Yeah, but this is too perfect!‌…‌Omigod. Omigod, he sees you.”

“So?”

“You have to talk to him.”

“I don’t, actually.”

“Yes. Yes. After the Bill Debacle? Prove you can do this.”

“My knee hurts.”

“What are you, eighty? Here, drink the rest of this. It’ll help your personality.”

“I’m going to the bathroom.”

“Don’t do that! He doesn’t want to think about you peeing.”

“I don’t care what he thinks!”

“He’s getting his drink‌…‌Oh, Brandon, a Kamikaze? He’s a total Cadmus.” He drains the beer, slams the bottle down. “Trust me, Tin Man. You need this.”

Abel gets up and cracks his knuckles. I say no, I feel like I say it a hundred times but he isn’t hearing. He’s loping to the bar with that casual Cadmus swagger and lighting up a smile and the guy in the black Team Android t-shirt‌—‌cute, with wavy blond hair and multi-pierced ear‌—‌smiles back right away. I watch them talk, my heel hammering the floor. It’s so stupidly easy for him. He could do this any day of the week. Maybe he’ll change his mind, keep this one for himself.

The guy looks over. He nods and gives me a little wave. I wave back. I’ll kill Abel. Absolutely murder him.

Team Android starts over to the table. Status: All systems destabilized. Meltdown approaching.

Bree LaRue cries, Sim is completely asexual! Father Mike opens to Chapter 3 of Put on the Brakes!: When you feel “temptation devils” dancing on your shoulder, just imagine a life alienated from God, full of cheap, temporary pleasures that leave you more and more hopeless and empty. Is that what you really want?

“Are you Brandon?”

I open my eyes.

Say something. Be calm. Be Sim.

“I am. Yes.”

“I’m Ian. Saw you at the Q&A.”

He holds out his hand and gives me a big friendly smile. A real flesh-and-blood boy with kind eyes and a Celtic cross necklace and really, really nice forearms. His presence thrums through me. If I wanted to, I bet we could be kissing in an alley before the next jukebox song is done.

“Mind if I sit down?”

“Yeah‌…‌”

I feel my back against a brick wall, my shorts unsnapping.

“Yeah you mind, or yeah you don’t?”

“Um‌…‌”

Ian blinks twice, waiting. His eyes are gray, almost Sim-silver. The back of my throat goes sour.

“You okay?” says Ian.

“Yeah. Sure. I just‌—‌” I feel myself blushing again, which makes me blush more. His weirdo-detector starts pinging, you can tell.

“What’s wrong?” he says.

At the bar, Abel raises a bottle and an eyebrow. I want to explode his head, burn his $600 fake python boots and his cheap Cadmus shades. I hate Cadmus. Hate.

“Look, I’m really sorry,” I blurt. “My boyfriend’s twisted.”

“Your‌—‌him? That Abel guy?”

“Yeah.” I aim a glare at the bar.

“He said you weren’t together.”

“Well, we are, but I don’t know why.” What am I doing? “He’s pretty rotten. He loves seeing other guys flirt with me, and he knows I get embarrassed, but he does it anyway. It like, turns him on.”

“Ew.”

“I know.”

“So he set me up?”

“He set us both up. It’s one of his sick little power games.”

“Wow. Uh‌…‌okay. Sorry.” He shoots a dark glance in Abel’s direction. Abel gives him a goofy thumbs-up. “’Scuse me.”

I’m not proud of myself while Ian’s bitching out Abel. I thought it would be more satisfying, but instead it just feels like that time in the sacristy when I blamed Pete Mertz for knocking over the Communion wine. The more Abel protests, all cartoony wasn’t-me flailing, the more pissed off Ian gets. He finally leaves the bar, slamming the door behind him.

Abel clomps to our table. Tank Top Guy smirks.

I get a whack on the head with the heel of his hand.

“That was mean, Brandon!”

“Ow.”

“Listen, toolbox: I don’t know what head games you and Zander used to play, but I don’t do that shit. C’est compris?”

“Yeah‌…‌” Cartoon stars, little birdies of pain. I deserve them.

“What kind of person are you? Seriously?”

“I don’t know.”

“I mean, what‌—‌you get your heart smashed one time by one loser and you think you get to be Mayor of Doucheville the rest of your life? Because let me tell you something, absolutely no one’s going to‌—‌oh, shut up!”

He yanks his buzzing phone from his pocket. Beer sizzles in my stomach; I’m not used to making people mad. Get out of this place. Say three Hail Marys and ten Our Fathers.

“Oh.” Abel’s mouth drops open a little. “Oh my.”

“What?”

He taps the phone screen. “Nothing.”

“Tell me!”

“We got a text. From Bec.” He sighs. “Don’t freak, okay?”

He turns the screen around.

NEW HELL BELLS POST @CADSIM COMM

OMG FREAKY

HURRY B4 THEY DELETE IT

Chapter Seven

“I got a screencap. Don’t worry.”

By the time we get to the Cadsim fanjournal on Abel’s phone, the Post of Doom’s been blipped into oblivion. Bec’s prepared, though. When the cab drops us off near our SavMart campsite, she’s waiting for us in the doorway of the Sunseeker with her glasses on and her hair in a she-means-business bun.

“It was so dramatic, you guys.” She yanks us inside and locks the door. “They all attacked like, the second she posted. It was like a steak in a shark tank.”

She points to the laptop. Onscreen is another post by hey_mamacita, featuring a brand-new photo of me and Abel. New as in taken this afternoon, at the Q&A, without our knowledge. It’s a shot of our backs. We’re standing in front of the pull-down screen, watching the fanvids. There’s a very, very creepy graphic overlay on the photo: a big circle with a cross inside it.

Like we’re peering at ourselves through a gunsight.

HELL BELLS ARE RINGING

THANK YOU CLEVELAND SPY

WE ARE WATCHING YOU BOYS!!

(BFC = coming very VERY soon.) Under that:

cavegrrl94:

MAXIE THIS IS IT. BAN HER NOW.

willabelle:

uugggghhhhh this whole thing is SO vile and hideous. I’m actually concerned, you guys. I thought it was all a joke but now I think they’re FOR REAL.

mrs.j.cadmus:

whatever. i used to hate the hell bells thing but now I’m like screw it, have at ‘em

willabelle:

Still, guys. I know we’re all extra angry after today, but Brandon and Abel are people too.