The conversation ended quickly. People were gathering to listen to each other speak tributes to Lance. Alexander, Oliver, Lucy and I took seats in the second row of chairs with Merlyn and Penny behind us. Oliver held my hand as people clamoured up to speak of our old school chum. I knew my husband was thinking about anything he could instead of how his best friend’s body was lying in a casket not even thirty feet away. He stared at a beautiful spray of roses that Sandy had sent. They were yellow, pink, orange and blue. Happy colours that matched the ones Lance wore in his favourite scarf, the one we’d see him in every chance it was cold enough to wear it. I knew Sandy had done that on purpose. She had always been so thoughtful.

“…and I know my dad had loads of buds, too,” His daughter sniffed from the podium, “And some of his buds he’d kept since he was eleven years old. He told me a story about when his mum first brought him to Bennington, the school I attend now. He said he was afraid because he knew he would be smaller than the other boys and someone was bound to pick on him. And he was picked on, on his second day by an older boy. He said this boy was monstrous, had him by the jacket and he didn’t know what he was planning to do. But a set of twins came along and they started telling the boy off. This bully tried to hit one of them, but the other one jumped up on to his back. He held the boy down while the other twin pulled the boy’s pants so far up his bum that he cried. Daddy said he was never afraid again after that because he was never alone.”

I watched the memory of that wash over Oliver and Alexander. They exchanged bittersweet smiles. Merlyn put a hand on each of their backs. I hadn’t known that story, but it didn’t surprise me that it had happened.

When his daughter was done speaking, his wife asked if there was anything anyone else wanted to say. Alexander looked at Oliver, but Oliver immediately choked up and shook his head. “I can’t,” He said in a harsh whisper, “You do it.”

“I’d like to say something,” Alex called out.

“Please do!” Lance’s wife, Daneen, smiled sincerely, “Hello! Thank you so much for coming! Are you Alexander or Oliver? I can never tell.”

“I’m Oliver.” He waited a second, “Just joking. I am Alex.”

She laughed. “You do that to me every time!”

Alexander stepped up behind the podium. “I’m Alexander Dickinson. That there’s my brother, Oliver, if you couldn’t tell.” He pointed to us, “And his wife, Silvia, in the green dress. The pretty lady in the blue dress is my wife, Lucy. The other bloke’s Merlyn Pierce. We’ve all known Lance since we were little kids,” He shifted his weight from one foot to the other and then back again, “That’s a true story about what happened to Lance second day at Bennington. Mind, I did get hit a couple of times and so did Oliver, but somehow Ollie managed to get Sean Donnelly down to the ground and I didn’t know what to do, so I yanked his pants up to his ears,” Everyone laughed, “The band ripped. Poor guy. But I was happy to do it for Lance.”

“It was one of those things you don’t plan, how we got to be friends with Lance. There were too many first year boys at Bennington that year, so instead of two to a room, we got three. Poor Lance got tossed in with me and Ollie. Alphabet, yeah? Crosby, Dickinson, Dickinson. I remember Ollie and me, we were scared, too, but we had each other. Lance, he was all by himself. That first night my brother and I didn’t pay him much mind, we were putting stuff away and messing around, being cocky. Lance hardly said a word. I never thought about how scared he really must have been.”

“Next morning Ollie and me were trying to sort the way to class and we heard some codswallop happening on the other side of the wall. So off we go to take a look and there’s some big meatball of a kid picking on the bloke we shared a room with. Ollie starts after him by himself, says, ‘Leave ‘em alone, you…’ mind, I better not use the word he did. Anyway, we marched right over and picked a fight. We were eleven and we saved Lance from a third year, we did. But we did more than that. We landed him in detention with us, second day!”

Everyone laughed again, even Oliver. Alexander paused, scratched his cheek and continued, “And it wasn’t the last time, either! We got Lance into all kinds of mischief. We had him rubbing soap on windows, turning off the hot water on people in the showers. Sneaking in and rearranging the furniture in Professor Wilkins private quarters in the middle of the night so he’d wake up and be all disoriented. That was interesting.”

Oliver high fived Merlyn. Another ripple of laughter swept the room.

“We got Lance’s mum called for nicking candy a couple of times,” Alexander continued, “Poor Lance might have been better off without the likes of us, but we loved him. I loved him like he was another brother.”

He drew a deep, shaking breath, “Lance Crosby shared a room with Oliver and me for seven school terms. He was there for my wedding to Lucy and came down when Ollie’s and my kids were born. He was our best mate. But Lance Crosby was really everyone’s mate. He didn’t have a temper, never said a mean word. He knew what it felt like to be the little guy literally, but he never tried to make himself look bigger by making anyone else feel small. Instead he’d sit up all night talking about your problems. He never mentioned his own. I never met a person who didn’t like Lance. You’d have to be mental not to. He was the best bloke I ever met…” Alexander trailed off, “I could stand here forever and never run out of nice things to say about him. But all I can think right now is how I’m supposed to ring him on Wednesday because I’ll be in Caernarfon and we were supposed to meet for a pint. I was looking forward to it.” I could see Alexander choking back his tears, “And I know I’m not the only one that’s hurting, so I’m trying not to be selfish about how much I already miss him or about what I’d do to be able to sit with him and have that pint. Any one of us here would do the same for just one more hour with Lance. My brother, he can’t even talk right now and if you know my brother, that’s a rare event. And it’s a shame, too, because I know Oliver’d have given a much better speech than I am.”

Alexander glanced at the casket, “But Ollie did say something that made a lot of sense. He said that to him, Lance Crosby was never small. To Oliver, he was always very, very big. I have to say that if you knew him at all, you knew that was true. For his immense sense of humour and his fierce kindness, for his infinite honesty and his unwavering friendship and the fact that he was always there when you needed him…always, always there,” Alex trailed off again. He hung his head for a moment and then spoke, “For those things and many more, Lance was the biggest man I’ve ever known. We’ve all suffered a blow I don’t reckon we’ll ever be able to measure,” He glanced again at the casket, “Lancelot, my old friend, you will always be loved and missed. You were never small. You were a giant in our lives, Boyo. And that’s how Ollie and I’ll always remember you. As a giant. God bless you, Lance Crosby, and grant you a journey of mercies, wrapped safely in an angel’s wings.”

Alexander was unable to contain himself. He walked off the platform and straight out of the building to our car where he broke down and sobbed. Oliver and Merlyn followed and sat with him in silence. Lucy, Penny and I let them be.

Lance’s wife asked us later if we would accompany them to the cemetery for a private burial that afternoon. “Lance loved you all so much. You were the brothers and sisters he never had. It would mean so much if you came with our daughter and me. You’re the only other family he has.”

We put our good friend, our brother, Lance Crosby, in the ground that day. None of us could quite leave him behind. When Daneen and her daughter had gone, all of us Bennington kids stood dumbly and stared at the pile of dirt that was now the home of one of us. It was Lucy who began to cry first and when she went, I crumbled. Alexander and Oliver held us, rocking in silent convulsions while Penny did her best to comfort Merlyn.