OCD narrowed his eyes. “What made Kenny believe in you so much? I mean, I understand that he heard you give a sales meeting at your meat company, but it still seems like a bit of a leap of faith on his part.”

“Yeah…” I said open-endedly, “well, I actually missed one important thing. You see, I wasn't really sure if Kenny was cut out for the stock market, so rather than agreeing to train him on the spot, I told him after the meeting to come to the Investors’ Center that night, so I could give him a firsthand demonstration of being a stockbroker. And it was after hearing me on the phone for the first time that he swore loyalty to me. Does that make more sense?”

OCD nodded. I nodded back and took a moment to think back to that night. Then I started chuckling. “What's so funny?” snapped the Bastard.

I shook my head quickly. “You don't want to know,” I replied.

“Actually, I do,” he shot back.

“Well, if you insist,” I said with a smile, and I gave my neck a nice, slow roll. “Okay… so rather than just meeting me at the Investors’ Center, Kenny offered to pick me up at my apartment. When he pulled up to my building, he wasn't alone; he'd brought his girlfriend along for the ride with him.” I paused for a moment, twisting my lips at the thought of her. “Let's just say she had tits the size of NFL footballs and the lips of a goldfish. She wasn't gorgeous or anything, but she was one of the sexiest little numbers I'd ever laid eyes on.

“In any event, the two of them sat in the boardroom and watched me do my thing on the phone—and, of course, I couldn't help but ham it up a bit for the Goldfish, who was busy undressing me with her eyes as I pitched into the phone. I ended up having a pretty decent night—making around three grand—and I remember her whispering to Kenny how wet she was getting, just from listening to me. But it wasn't until the ride home that I got my first pure dose of the Goldfish and, for that matter, Kenny Greene.

“We were in Kenny's red Mustang: He was behind the wheel, I was in the passenger seat, and the Goldfish was sitting between us, on the armrest, wearing a tiny midriff T-shirt and some wildly sexy perfume. We were on the Cross Island Parkway near the exit for Bayside, when Kenny said to her: ‘Go ahead, sweetie, tell him!’

“ ‘No,’ she whined, ‘I'm too embarrassed, Kenny!’

“So Kenny said, ‘Fine, I'll tell him, then,’ and he looked at me and said, ‘She got really turned on watching you sell tonight, so she'd like to blow you. And trust me: The girl can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch! Just look at her mouth. Pucker up for him, sweetie.’

“I looked at the Goldfish, astonished, as she stared back at me with her fabulous goldfish lips puckered up into a sensuous pout. Then she started nodding her head bashfully, as if to say, ‘I'd really like to blow you, sir!’”

I paused for a moment, searching for the right words. “Now, I want you to know that I had every intention of resisting the Goldfish's charms; I mean, I loved Denise with all my heart and soul and I had never cheated on her before. But then the Goldfish began rubbing me over my jeans and sticking her NFL footballs in my face. While she had me still stunned by that, she crawled down to the little foot area in front of me and slowly unzipped my fly.” I paused and shook my head gravely. “Well, needless to say, the Goldfish overpowered me, and next thing I knew she was giving a world-class blow job as we cruised down the Cross Island Parkway.

“And as I groaned in ecstasy, Kenny the Pervert kept one eye on the road and one hand on the steering wheel, and his other eye on the Goldfish's mouth and his other hand holding back her brown hair, so it wouldn't disturb his view.” I shrugged. “I shot my load, if I recall correctly, right in front of P.S. One Sixty-nine, where I'd attended public school.

“Anyway, I want you both to know that I felt absolutely terriblewhen I walked in the door that evening. I felt dirty and disgusting, and I swore to myself that I'd never cheat on Denise again. And I continued to feel guilty long after that, especially when the four of us were together.” I paused and shook my head gravely. “I think that was the most difficult part of all—that Denise and the Goldfish became good friends. But that was the way it went down; Kenny got his wish and became my right-hand man, and the four of us became inseparable.”

Just then the door swung open and in walked the Witch, dressed in black. The three of us looked at her, speechless. She sat down next to OCD and said, “What did I miss?”

Nothing but silence.

Finally OCD said, with mock formality, “Well, Jordan was just giving us some valuable insight into his relationship with Kenny Greene and the Gold—”

“And I think this is a good time to break for lunch,” reasoned the Bastard.

“Yeah, I'm famished,” I agreed.

“Hmmm,” muttered the Witch. “You'll have to fill me in, then, Joel.”

Indeed, I thought, and maybe you can convince her to blow you while you're at it—although, on second thought, she looks like a biter!

We broke for lunch.

1*Name has been changed

2*Name has been changed

CHAPTER 12

LEAPS OF LOGIC

recisely one hour later, I was back in the Bastard's dungeon, with two slices of pizza digesting in my stomach and my three captors staring at me intently. I had spent the last fifteen minutes talking about the Blockhead—explaining how he'd insinuated himself into every aspect of my life, both business and personal. He did everything for me, I told them, almost like a second wife. And although I maintained no official rank at the Investors’ Center, anyone who saw us together knew I was the boss. And Kenny was fine with that; in fact, he relished it.

There are kings and there are kingmakers, I said to my captors, and the Blockhead was definitely the latter. I explained how Kenny began spending the bulk of his day running the operations of what had now become our office within an office. We had our own section at the back of the boardroom where our staff sat. At the time, we had four connectors, three stockbrokers, and one female sales assistant, all of whom had sworn loyalty to me (at Kenny's urging).

And I was now saying, “What impressed me most about Kenny— or should I say, what baffled me most—was the never-ending stream of friends he paraded into the office. And they were all cut from exactly the same mold: in their late teens or early twenties, from reasonably good families, and reasonably well educated.”

“Interesting,” said the Bastard. “And these were his former drug clients?”

I shrugged. “For the most part, yes, although I wouldn't place too much emphasis on that. These were good kids, not derelicts. It was like the movie Risky Business,where Tom Cruise becomes ‘pimp-for-a-night’ and hooks up his high school buddies with a happy hit squad of high-class hookers. That's what Kenny did, and his friends kept right on coming.”

“And where did Victor Wang stand in all this?” asked the Witch.

Uh-oh!I thought. Victor's goose was cooked now! “Well, the Chinaman—I mean Victor—stayed out of the mix for a while. He was too busy waiting on the sidelines, observing. See, he and Kenny had this completely bizarre friendship at the time. It was a mixture of love, hate, and mutual contempt, and, depending on the moment, how they felt about each other was a complete crap-shoot. They could be best friends, mortal enemies, or anywhere in between.

“In the spring of 1988, when all this was happening, Kenny and Victor were on the outs. I would only find out later that it was because of me.”

“Why is that?” asked OCD.

“Because Victor had taken Kenny's swearing loyalty to me as a personal affront. Since they were kids, they'd always planned on going into business together, and since Victor was the brighter of the two, he was their undeclared leader. Even when Kenny had brought Victor to my meat company, it was only for him to scope things out, to see if the idea was worth stealing for him and the Blockhead—which, of course, it wasn't. But flash forward eighteen months later, and the same forces were at work when Kenny called me out of the blue wanting to be a stockbroker.