By the time he came rushing up the stairs, bellowing boisterously for her, she had regained her composure. Joshua flung himself into her arms, and she lifted him, spinning him around in circles until he shrieked happily with dizziness.

“Look at all this stuff!” she cried joyfully, showing off her treasures.

Joshua puffed out his chest. “I helped pick them out. Aidan and I went shopping. I showed him all the things you always picked up and put back. I could tell you wanted them, though. We had fun shopping for you. He said it was to be a big surprise.”

She clutched a box of charcoal pencils to her, all at once finding it hard to breathe. “He did, did he? When did you do this?”

Joshua grinned at her. “A few days ago. While you were so sick. He picked out some new clothes, too. Look in your bedroom closet. You should have seen the saleswoman. She was looking at him like—”

“I can imagine,” Alexandria broke in dryly. She followed a skipping Joshua back into her bedroom.

“He thought of everything. He said when a woman as beautiful and as good as you got so sick, a man should do whatever he could to make things better for you.” Joshua threw open the double closet doors she had never touched, using only the bureau for her jeans and tops.

In her entire life Alexandria had never owned enough clothes to fill a closet of this size, yet it was jammed with dresses, coats, skirts, slacks, and blouses. She bit her lower lip and touched a long black evening gown. It was by a top designer. She dropped her hand to her side. “Why did he do this?” she whispered aloud to Joshua, repeating in her head, Why did you do this?

It is only money,cara. I have nothing else to use to pay for my sins. He sounded alone and lost, ragged.

She unexpectedly felt tears in her eyes. Everything in her wanted to run to him, comfort him, but his words from that morning continued to echo in her head, and she closed her mind firmly to his tricks. Become his slave. It would never happen.

“Ah, sis, don’t cry like a baby,” Joshua admonished. “Aidan did it ‘cuz he wanted to. You should see all the neat toys he bought me. You know, I asked Marie and Stefan about the puppy—how much work they thought it would be.”

“Persistent little devil, aren’t you?” She closed the closet doors firmly on the new clothes, determined never to wear them.

“Aidan says persistence pays,” Joshua quoted happily.

Alexandria took a deep breath. “He should know.” On second thought, she wasgoing to wear those dresses. Every last one of them. Wear them when she worked with Thomas Ivan. When she went out with Thomas Ivan. When she fell completely and madly in love with Thomas Ivan.

For a moment she felt Aidan stirring in her mind, the kind of move a large jungle cat might make while stalking its prey—a mere ripple, and then it was gone, as if it had never been. Had she imagined it?

“Quit thinking about him!” she snapped at herself, angry that her mind would not stay away from him.

Joshua looked up at her, wide-eyed. “About who? The puppy? Why? Did you already find one? Is it a boy dog?”

“There’s definitely a boy hound dog somewhere around here,” she replied grimly. Then, relenting, she ruffled Joshua’s curls. “I’m kidding, Josh. And, no, I haven’t found a puppy yet. I haven’t even made up my mind yet. I want us to be sure we’re happy here before we make such a permanent decision.”

“I’m happy here,” Joshua said instantly, decisively.

She hugged him. “I’m glad you’re happy, little buddy, but I’m not certain I am. It’s much more difficult for adults to adjust to living together than it is for kids.”

“But Marie and Stefan are so great, Alex, and Aidan is the best. He helps me with my homework. We talk all the time. He’s cool. And he said—”

“I don’t want to hear what he said just now, okay? I have work to do, honey, remember? We have to have money to eat.”

“But Aidan has lots of money, and he said you wouldn’t have to work if you didn’t want to.”

She let her breath out slowly, holding on to her temper. She was sick of hearing what Aidan had to say. She was sick of his being in her mind, taking over her every waking moment. “I like to work, Josh. Now find something to do quietly or scoot.”

He made a face but settled down quickly with her old set of colored pens and a sketch pad. They settled into the familiar routine easily. Occasionally she asked his opinion on an idea, and sometimes he showed her his drawings. Alexandria felt they were very good for a six-year-old. She corrected a line here and there when he asked her to, but mostly she encouraged him to do it his way. For a short time, she felt as if she and her world were normal again.

But Aidan was always present. She could feel her mind tuning to his, reaching out to find him. Her ears listened for the sound of his beautiful voice. She found herself staring blankly at the paper before her, and twice she actually drew his likeness. Both times she tore it up quickly before Joshua could spot her obsession and tease her about it.

She tried not to be aware of Joshua’s heartbeat, of the ebb and flow of the blood running in his veins. She pretended she didn’t notice the way Marie’s pulse fascinated her when the housekeeper called Joshua to dinner. She ignored the remembered taste in her mouth, the feel of Aidan beneath her lips, the way her body writhed against his, craved his. She groaned and tried to turn away from yet another picture she had drawn of him. His mouth was set in that sensual, inviting line that seemed to mock her, lure her. Pure temptation.

She touched a fingertip to that mouth she had drawn so perfectly. “I won’t let you do this to me,” she whispered softly. She wanted him so badly. She needed him to comfort her, to make this world of madness and insanity make sense. She needed him to take away the gnawing, frightening hunger that kept her from fully enjoying Joshua’s company. Most of all she needed him to merge his body with hers, to feel his mouth and his hands taking away the terrible burning, the emptiness. She needed his heart beating the same rhythm as hers, his mind invading hers, the ultimate intimacy, locking them together, sharing every wild fantasy as his body took possession of hers.

She went through all the normal motions that evening, helping Joshua with his homework, pretending to enjoy a show on television. They argued about the value of a wide-screen TV. Stefan took Joshua’s side, saying it was a necessity for old eyes. Marie sided with Alexandria that it was the ultimate in conspicuous consumption. But the blood rushing through all their veins was like a symphony, drowning out the sounds of the program and making Alexandria afraid for them. She tried to enjoy getting Joshua ready for bed, reading to him, having a short pillow fight, tucking him in. She had always loved their time together at night. Joshua was always so clean and sweet. But the loud beating of his heart interfered with her enjoyment now, and she felt trapped in the middle of a nightmare.

Alexandria dressed with care for her date with Thomas Ivan that night. But as the dress slid over her skin, she felt the brush of hot velvet. Her hands shook as she put up her hair. She had not seen Aidan once since she had fled him earlier. She felt him, always there, close, but he had taken care to stay out of her sight. Instead of being grateful, though, she was depressed. Maybe it didn’t matter that she was going out with another man. Maybe he didn’t care. And why should it? She didn’t want him to care. She wanted to find a human man, one she was attracted to. One she wanted to make love with. Not something obsessive and wild, but something gentle and loving. A human, normal man.

She inspected her nails. Formerly frustratingly stubby, they were now long and beautiful, well manicured, almost as if she’d had them professionally done. Even her hair seemed thicker, more luxurious, her eyelashes long and thick. Her skin, however, was pale, nearly translucent.