“Why are we eating here?” I dropped my bag on the table and looked at our usual table where our usual group chatted and joked.

Well, our usual group plus a few.

Nikki glared daggers in my direction.

“C’mon.” Jake took my hand and led me to the lunch line.

I felt tears prick at my eyes. Jake looked over to ask if I wanted mashed potatoes, and wound up almost dropping the tray on the floor. “What’s the matter?” he asked, his face close to mine. “Do you feel sick again?”

I shook my head and swallowed a few times until I got my bearings and could speak without blubbering. “I just messed so much up, Jake. I screwed it all up.”

“What?” He moved out of the line and pushed my hair back from my face with his hands. “What’s screwed up? You and me, we’re good. We’re fine.”

“You can’t even sit with your friends because of me.” I waved a hand towards the lunchroom. “And Saxon and you? I just made that a crazy mess.” I couldn’t stop the tears and didn’t bother to try. “What was I thinking?”

Jake hugged me tight and kissed my hair. “I have no clue, Bren. But it’s done, okay? It’s in the past. The only person I want to eat lunch with is you. Saxon will deal the same way he always has. And you need to stop getting all worked up and eat some lunch. You could have died, and you don’t have your strength back yet.”

I gave a wet laugh. “I was in nodanger of dying, Jake. Have you been talking to my mother?”

“C’mon. No more crying. You love open-faced turkey day. I’ll sweet talk the lunch ladies and get you extra cranberry sauce. Alright?” He wiped his rough thumbs under my eyes.

“You’re so good to me.” I felt the tears well up again.

“I know it. Just keep it in mind the next time you think about breaking up.” He smiled and kissed my nose. “C’mon, before all the mashed potatoes are gone.”

We got our lunch, and I tried to ignore Nikki’s ugly faces and dirty looks from across the lunchroom and focus on Jake’s excellent smile and sweet jokes.

Friday came fast, and, despite all of my angst, Mom okayed a sleepover at Kelsie’s with a slightly distracted ‘of course’ after extracting a promise that I keep my cell on and grilling me about my general health. I told her I would take the bus right to Kelsie’s on Friday.

“Do you want me to pick you up on Saturday, sweetie?” Mom asked.

“I think Kelsie’s mom will be okay with dropping me off. It’s right down the road.” I felt my heart hammer as I waited for mom to see through my ruse.

“Great. I’ll be at the college for a few hours in the afternoon. My freshmen are handing in their first big paper this Thursday and Friday, and I want to have a good chunk graded over the weekend.” She sighed, and I patted her hand.

“The grading will be over before you know it.” Secretly, my mind eased. Mom was totally focused when it came to grading, so I could relax about her checking in on me too much.

“I know. It’s just these kids are raised text messaging. Their syntax is abysmal.” She gave me a quick hug. “Please promise me you’ll never spell the word ‘before’ with the numeral four.” She shuddered.

“I promise I will never, ever spell with numerals. Even when I text.”

“You are my silver lining, sweetheart.” Mom patted my butt, and I hurried to my room to give Jake the good news.

I spent Friday a bundle of raw nerves, especially since it seemed like Saxon could see right through me and read every nervous thought jangling in my head. By the time the entire school day was done and I got into Jake’s truck, I felt too keyed up to sit back and relax.

Jake’s good mood was a stark contrast to my nervous worry. He’d smiled blithely through the entire day, and didn’t even give a second glance to Nikki when she stopped him in the hall to invite him to some bonfire. On the ride to his house, he whistled along to every song on the radio, and he ran to get my door with a frantic excitement that reminded me of a puppy.

I could have gotten bogged down in worry and unease, but with Jake so happy, I decided to let myself fall into the happiness, too. We’d had so much drama and craziness, it was nice to just relax. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me soundly. I wrapped my arms and legs around him and he lifted me up and carried me into his house, both of us laughing hysterically. He put me down on the dining room table and put one finger up, indicating that I should wait a minute to see what he had planned for me.

“Look at this.” He opened the fridge, and there was a tray of lasagna that could have fed a small army.

“What’s that?” My lips curved up in response to his proud smile.

“A friend of mine gave me her mom’s lasagna recipe. I got all the stuff to make it and cooked it last night. We just have to put it in the oven, and it will be ready for dinner.” He held the tray out proudly. “I grated cheese for this. Like, a lot of cheese.”

I got up, took the tray out of his hands, and set it on the table next to us. I wound my arms around his neck and just looked at him for a long minute.

“I love you, Jake.” I had said those words before, but I wanted him to understand how much I meant them, with every breath I took and every beat of my heart.

“It’s just a lasagna.” He was trying to joke, but I could see the worry that clouded his eyes.

“I’m really sorry for everything. Honestly, I screwed up big time.” I kissed him softly. He kissed back hungrily and soon I was pressed against the kitchen counter, and Jake’s hands were everywhere at once.

He finally pulled back, panting. “I’m going to put that lasagna in the oven. You wait for me in my room, okay? I’ll be in, five seconds.”

I kissed him, grabbed my backpack, and headed down to his sterile little room. My hands brushed over the bangles on his desktop, and I felt a smile tug at my lips. I turned to the bed and I felt a little clutch of panic.

The last time I’d seen that bed, it was in a picture Jake posted. With a condom wrapper on it.

I knew everything had been washed and changed since then, but it still felt alien and dirty, somehow.

Jake skidded down the hall and burst through the door, then stopped and looked at me looking at the bed. He looked back and forth between me and the bed. “Bren? Is something wrong?”

“Uh, it’s just…you know, the last time? It was you and…” I couldn’t finish the sentence.

Jake pulled me into his arms and kissed my lips. “She didn’t mean anything, okay? It was stupid. The only reason I did it was to make you jealous, and it was still a dumbass move. Do you believe me?”

I leaned my head on his chest and nodded. He scooped me up and dropped me on the bed with a bounce, then climbed on top of me and boxed me in with his arms as I giggled and squirmed.

“This is our space. This is our night. We both did things that were dumb, but let’s forget them for a while.” I stopped giggling and he lowered his mouth to mine, kissing me softly. “I’ve been waiting to get you alone since the minute I left you in your driveway before you went to Paris. I missed you so damn much.”

I pushed my mouth back up, close to his and we kissed and held each other first sweetly, then with a more powerful need. Soon we were surrounded by discarded items of clothing and toppled pillows, our hands and mouths grabbing greedily at that feeling we had both needed from each other for the time we’d been apart. When we were finally satisfied, Jake kissed my shoulder, pulled his shirt on, righted his pants, and pointed down the hall.

“I can smell the lasagna, so it must be done. You hungry?” His hair was tousled, his eyes were hooded and heavy-looking, and I wanted to crawl into his arms and never come back out again.

“Starving. I’ll be out in a minute?” He whistled down the hall and into the kitchen, and I called my mother to check in. She asked how the night was going and complained about her students’ inability to follow very clear instructions, then we exchanged good nights and clicked off. I let out a sigh of relief and headed to the bathroom. I searched for a brush, but only managed to find a comb, so I did the best I could to my wild hair and headed out to the dining room.