Shar deactivated the hologram and the room lighting came up. “That concludes my presentation. If anyone desires further clarification, I’ve uploaded my data to the Luthia Scientific Archives and the Assembly network. Thank you for coming.” He turned to collect the few items he’d brought with him, loading them into his briefcase. When he turned back around, he discovered no one had left. Before he could ask what his Yrythny colleagues were waiting for, every scientist, engineer, and ordinary citizen who had attended his lecture rose to their feet, all eyes focused on him. His antennae tingled, overwhelmed by the deeply felt emotions in the room. Scanning their faces, looking into their eyes, Shar saw mixtures of amazement, gratitude and shock greeting him. He fumbled for the right words, but Nog rescued him, springing to his feet and launching into hearty applause. The Yrythny stared, watching Nog smack his palms together, but gradually, they followed suit, until the entire room thundered.
Shar blinked back incredulity. I am at the beginning of a path I’ve been searching for my whole life. I’ve found my mission.He looked over at Nog, who hadn’t relented, and back at his Yrythny colleagues. Lacking the wherewithal to share what this moment meant to him, Shar accepted their adulation.
Thriss will be proud.
Time to relax,Ezri thought. She splashed some perfume on her wrists that had been among the dozens of gifts she’d received, baskets and packages stacked atop the table in her Luthian quarters. Simply standing in one place, squeezing the plush rug between her toes, had an unexpected charm. Doing nothing was a nice change. She’d hardly had a chance to enjoy Julian. Studying for and delivering testimony before the judicial panel had consumed a good deal of her time, as did preparing to return to their mission and wrapping up loose ends with the Yrythny. Since it was their last night in Luthia, Ezri felt like she deserved to be idle.
Emerging from the bathroom, she yanked her crimson robe tight and plopped down on the couch beside Julian, tucking her bare feet behind her. “Have I told you how wonderful it feels to have this back?” She fingered the robe’s lapels. “I should have taken it from our quarters before you all left for the Consortium, but now I have the fun of rediscovering something I missed.”
“I hope you missed me as much as the bathrobe,” Julian said dryly. Scooting closer to her, Julian reached around her shoulders and pulled her close. Ezri snuggled into him, draped over his lap and nestled her head in the crook of his arm. He ran his fingers through her hair, smoothing and tucking it behind her ears.
“Your hair is longer,” he observed.
“It’s been two weeks, not two months,” she laughed.
“Yes, but did you know that a Trill’s hair is capable of growing half a centimeter a week?”
Leave it to Julian to prove his point, no matter what the circumstances.“We could continue discussing my amazing follicles, or you could find other equally intriguing aspects of my anatomy to study.” She walked her fingers up his neck and ruffled the hair on the back of his head.
“As much as that suggestion appeals to me, I think I want to talk to you before we further my studies of Trill anatomy.” Julian linked their fingers together. Bringing her hand up to his lips, he placed a kiss on each knuckle.
“Isn’t the woman supposed to be the one who likes to talk?” Ezri pouted.
“No, seriously. We haven’t talked much about what happened while we were apart. You clearly have something on your mind,” Julian said. “When you aren’t being frivolous, you’re quite pensive. I’d like you to share it with me.”
Rising from Julian’s lap, Ezri curled into the couch, resting her cheek on the cushions. She studied her lap while she struggled to find the right words.
“You were right,” she said finally, meeting his eyes. “I still haven’t found my equilibrium.”
He waited patiently for her to elaborate at her own pace.
“I was so sure of myself, Julian. So sure I could do it all. And you were right. I’d started to believe no challenge was beyond me. That I had no limits. But this experience taught me otherwise. My time here wasn’t what I thought it would be. It was, in short, kind of humiliating.”
“That’s hardly what I’ve heard. The Yrythny were wowed by your diplomatic savvy. The compromise you negotiated before Shar made his discovery is still going to be ratified, except now some of the inter-caste taboos will be lifted for colonists. You blazed the trail.”
“See, that’s the thing. I didn’t blaze the trail,” she rolled her eyes, embarrassed. “Technically, Curzon, Lela, Audrid, and Jadzia did. They did most of the work. Even the speech I gave at the Assembly that first day? I stole it from Lela.”
“What’s the benefit of having a symbiont if you don’t learn from past lives?”
“I’m not supposed to livemy past lives and that’s what Ive been doing. By the time I started working on the compromise, it was Curzon doing the work, not Ezri.” Ezri brought her knees up into her chest. “Being joined isn’t supposed to work like that. I’m supposed to augment the symbiont’s experiences with my own, but sometimes it feels like Dax has already done it all.”
“Ezri, I think you’re being hard on yourself—” Julian tried to hug her, but Ezri backed away.
“I’m not asking for pity, Julian,” she said earnestly. “Honest. Dax’s past hosts made incredible contributions to the Federation. Books could be written about Curzon and Jadzia alone! But then the superlative Jadzia is followed up with Ezri Tigan, who didn’t want to be joined in the first place. I’m kind of the place-holding host until some brilliant initiate can receive Dax after I die.”
Julian took Ezri’s hand and squeezed it, willing her to look him in the eye. “Listen to me. Right now, you’re giving Dax experiences none of the other hosts could. None of them ever ventured on an exploratory mission like this one. The things you’ve seen—and will see in the years to come—will be different from anything the others experienced.”
Grateful for his sweet words, Ezri kissed Julian’s palm. She knew, however, that she needed to own up to her mistakes. “I had no idea what was being asked of me when I agreed to help the Yrythny. Part of me thought that I needed to prove to Commander Vaughn, and to the crew, that I was good enough to be his first officer, to be a leader. That choosing the command track was the right decision at this point in my personal evolution.” She sighed. “But then when I started working with all these committees…I’m not an ambassador or an anthropologist. It became easier to know what to do when I allowed Lela or Curzon to take the lead instead of myself.”
“In the end, though, it was Ezri who triumphed,” Julian pointed out. “Nothing Dax had done could have helped you. When you trusted yourexperiences and training, you succeeded brilliantly.”
She quirked a half-smile. “I know. That part I feel good about. When I think back to the previous two weeks…not so much. I was a fool. Poor Shar, I think he knew it and he was very, very patient with me.”
“All’s well that ends well?”
“Yeah. I suppose.”
A beep sounded from the wall console. Ezri looked over and saw the message light blinking. “I’d better check that. With us leaving in the morning, you never know what might be coming up at the last minute.”
She crossed the room to pull up the message, quickly scanning the contents. “It’s from the judiciary panel. They’ll have a ruling on Jeshoh’s case tomorrow morning. Is it a good sign that they’ve come back with a decision so quickly?” Part of Ezri worried, hoping her testimony had helped his case. What happened on the Saganwas an aberration from the Jeshoh she’d grown to like and admire in her time on Vanìmel.
“If you think about it, there wasn’t that much to decide. His guilt wasn’t in question, more what the consequences would be.”