I did because the more he moved in and out of me, the stronger the sensations grew, ricocheting off my walls, leaving me in a daze. Alex tried hard to stifle his grunts, but was failing to do so. I took one of my hands and placed it over his mouth, only he didn’t bite down, he kissed and sucked it as he continued his onslaught.

“I want you to come,” he mumbled, my hand still over his lips.

I nodded, even though my bite had strengthened on the side of his index finger. He pounded into me, breaking me down further and further until I could no longer feel my legs and I came, the orgasm ripping through me like claws on a sheet. Alex came at that very moment, still inside of me and releasing, the spurts of him, intermingling with me, solidifying that what we had was something real, and the emotional toll of it sent tears careening down my cheeks.

Alex sat up, looking down on me, wiping away my tears.

“I love you, Cassie Bennett,” he said, his voice low and soft. “I’m pretty sure I loved you even before I truly realized it.”

I sniffled and closed my eyes, trying to keep anymore tears from spilling out.

“I love you, too, Alex Cruz. And I knew it the moment I realized it.”

He leaned down and kissed me again, soft and sensual, making me feel like we had finally solidified our status and become one.

A knock rattled the door, startling us where we lay. My eyes shot open as fear coursed through me that we’d be caught, right here in the office, with our pants down. Another knock hit the door, then a voice came barreling through the wall.

“It’s me, man. Riley. Open up.”

My heart settled a bit, knowing it was someone who wasn’t going to send everything crashing down. Alex pulled his pants up, then hurried to the door, opening it slightly.

“Hey, hurry up and get out of there. Everyone is on their way back.”

“Why didn’t you call or text me, man?”

“I did. You didn’t answer.”

Alex stood still, then nodded his head and shut the door. I stood, snapping on my bra, then throwing my t-shirt on over my head. I tried smoothing down my loose hairs that had made their way out of my bun, but Alex walked over to me and took my hands, slowing me down.

“Stop rushing. We’ve got time.”

“I just don’t want to be found out like this.”

He smiled at me, seemingly enjoying my frantic state. He dropped down and took my panties in his hands, pulling them back up and tapping my ass just as he finished. He went back down and pulled up my pants, buttoning and fastening my belt for me. When he finished, he stood in front of me, his eyes resting on the butterfly hanging from my neck.

“It’s almost as beautiful as you are,” he said, taking it in his hands and kissing me, before tugging on the neckline of my t-shirt and dropping it inside. I placed my hand over it and smiled, then kissed him again, before turning and walking to the door.

“I love you,” I whispered over my shoulder, before slightly opening the door, looking around and then slipping out.

Before I could take three good steps, I heard a voice call out, “Pfc. Bennett.” My heart skipped a beat as I flushed red, lost control of my breathing, and slowly turned around, coming face to face with First Sergeant O’Hara. He briskly walked in my direction, his eyes curiously studying me, then glancing at the door that I was only a few steps away from.

“Good afternoon, First Sergeant,” I greeted him, hoping that my wild expression wouldn’t tip him off to anything. He continued to stare at me strangely, his eyes narrowing as he looked me over.

“Did you need something with one of the instructors?”

“Um—“ I swallowed, trying to quickly formulate a lie. I was never any good at thinking on my toes. “I needed to see Sergeant Jensen, but I see no one is in right now.”

“Hmmmm,” he moaned, his eyes never leaving mine. I was afraid to look away for fear that it would be a definite giveaway that something was up and that he would sniff around long enough to actually find it. “Well, I’d suggest you wait to speak to him until you get back into class. This could easily be misconstrued. And after everything you’ve already been through, we wouldn’t that, now would we?”

I swallowed again, my chest heaving as I stood there, swallowed up in all of my guilt, hoping and praying that First Sergeant couldn’t hear the erratic, bone breaking, beats of my heart. The longer he stood glaring at me, those dark, beady eyes penetrating my soul, the more I felt like this was it; all of the walls would come crashing down on top of me, leaving me begging for mercy as the truth came spilling out.

“Go on and enjoy some chow, Pfc. Bennett. Whatever this is, it can wait.” He eyed me suspiciously.

“Yes, First Sergeant,” I weakly answered, cracking my knuckles at my sides before turning and walking away as fast as my boot clad feet would carry me. I wanted to turn around, but I knew better. There was no doubt in my mind that First Sergeant O’Hara was watching me and that turning around would only solidify his suspicions. I walked on down the corridor and turned the corner. I threw my hands behind my head and took long, deep breaths, desperately needing fresh air to once again cycle through my pain ridden and suffocating lungs.

Thursday night field day went without a glitch. It was the last one we’d be subjected to here at the schoolhouse, and Alex didn’t stop by my room, making me wonder where he had gone. The next morning in class, he was quiet…cold… distant. I didn’t know what was bothering him. The day before had been so beautiful, so meaningful, and I wondered if it was all too much for him. If he was having a hard time dealing with the reality of what we were faced with.

He had been in the office when I had my run in with First Sergeant O’Hara, so I thought maybe that was too close for comfort and he needed to put distance between us. Whatever it was, it sent sadness and pain piercing through me, leaving me wondering what would actually become of us. I tried to forget about it as I took my final exam, well aware that passing this had to be my one and only concern at the moment.

The day ended with only a few empty glances here and there. When I looked deep enough, I could see sadness behind the dark cloud surrounding his eyes—that very sadness filling me. I didn’t want to leave on this note. I wanted to leave with us excited for the prospect that lay before us, but the longer I thought about it, the more I realized that it would probably not happen that way. I wanted to rewind, take things back to the very beginning and start all over. I wanted more time. I wanted anything I could get to bring me and Alex back together. More than anything, I wanted the love that we’d expressed to one another to trump everything.

And right now, I wasn’t so sure that it could.

Later that evening, I sat with Dalton in the barracks courtyard, quietly festering in my own self-pity as he went on and on about the excitement of his new unit. He stopped talking when he noticed that I wasn’t contributing to the conversation.

“Hey. What’s got you so down? Things are looking up for you. Allen is out of your hair, we’re graduating, and you’ve got the love of your life. Why are you so down?”

I smiled weakly. “I wish it were that simple. But Alex and I are in a complicated state right now. He’s been so distant since yesterday. It hurts.”

He pulled me in for a hug, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

“I’m sure he’s hurting, too. He probably just doesn’t know how to handle it.”

“I don’t either. But I’m not backing away from him like he’s doing to me.”

“Don’t be so hard on him. He seems like a hard ass, and I think these feelings are new for him, so he doesn’t really know how to deal with them.”

“I guess,” I said, shrugging my shoulders.