But she didn't say anything.

"I never meant for it to happen. I was stupid. I was told by Major Kinsley that I was getting NCO of the Quarter and everything I had done with you came flooding back in, contradicting everything that I had stood for. I handled it in the worst way possible, and I'm so fucking sorry."

She sat staring at me for a minute longer before responding.

"Anything or anyone else? You've already dug the knife in, go ahead and twist it."

Her words were punishment enough, and if I wanted any shot at getting her back to my side, I had to be completely honest.

"There was some random at the bar that night that kissed me. But that was it."

She nodded her head.

"I'm laying everything out, Cassie. I fucked up royally, and I'm trying to fix it. Please let me fix it."

She stared at me with what looked like disgust on her face.

"This weekend is a long weekend, it's Labor Day. Come with me and let me make all of this bullshit up to you."

"I’m not going anywhere with you."

That wasn't what I wanted to hear, so I stood and briskly walked around the desk and took her hand, pulling her up to me. I wrapped my arm around her waist and held her face in my free hand. The feel of her body in my arms once again sent pleasurable jolts through my body, even if she wasn't feeling the same way.

"You're. Coming. With. Me,” I muttered, using slow, deliberate words.

The look in her eyes finally shifted to what I needed to see—intense arousal.

 “I fucked up—badly, but I'm owning it. You’re mad, and you have every right to be. I can accept that, but I can't accept that you’re shutting me out. I won’t accept that. And yes, it's hypocritical, but I'm selfish. I need to be with you, Cassie Bennett. I need you to let me back in."

Her eyes were lightly shut, her body loosening in my arms. I let out a deep breath and pulled her closer, placing my lips on her soft and delicate earlobe, before whispering, "I don't deserve you, Blondie. I already know that. But just because I don’t deserve something doesn’t mean I don’t want it. And when I want something, I don’t stop until I get it.”

She pulled away from me, stepping back and gently narrowing her eyes.

“You don’t get to do that, Alex. What happens if I had been the one to suck someone else’s dick? How would you react to that?”

The question stung and sent my thoughts into a rage.

“You don’t even want to know my answer to that,” I answered, my voice frosty with a touch of bitterness.

“See? So how can you expect me to just forget that you put yours in her mouth? It just doesn’t work like that.”

She had me stumped, and I could give that to her. But while she was absolutely right, I couldn’t accept it. I wouldn’t accept it.

“We need to get away. We’re both too wound up and need to release our frustrations while you let me fix my mistake.”

"I don't know, Alex. We're so far up shit creek right now--"

"Exactly! So what else do we have to lose?" I watched as she went into deep thought, contemplating what I knew she already wanted, but was too stubborn to relent on. "You don't have to answer me right now. But think about it. I want you with me. I've pretty much signed my brig time with people finding out about us, and I'm willing to serve it. But I'm not willing to let you walk. If I have to be punished for being with you, then I at least want to have you… every last sweet tasting inch of you."

 She still didn't say anything, but her expression softened, making me suck in my bottom lip. That look, the innocence shown with it, always weakened me.

"Just think about it."

She nodded her head and then turned for the door, twisting the knob then walking out of the room. I wasn't sure what was running through her mind, but I knew what was running through mine. I was ready to throw away six years of strict, dedicated service, and the thought of it didn't even scare me. It actually made me smile. 

Chapter 18

Cassie

As infuriating as Alex could be, I had to admit his words pulled me.

Did I have a right to be angry with him?

Absolutely.

Did he deserve to have me fall into his arms and forget about his selfish, erratic behavior?

Absolutely not.

Did I want to?

I was conflicted.

On one hand, I knew just how much his rejection hurt. It was a flash to my past and how I’d failed at protecting myself where my feelings were concerned. After Colton, I promised that I would never again place myself in a position to be walked over like a dirty doormat again. My fragile nerves couldn’t handle it, and it was time to put me first. Sadly, I’d allowed myself to get right back to that place.

How I’d fallen for Alex so quickly was a mystery even to me. Maybe it was his brash nature, the pit bull exterior with the teddy bear inside? Even as I sat there, completely agitated with him, his presence, the touch of his warm, smoldering body, his decadent smell and those strong, adept hands, I couldn’t help but break down a little on the inside. The man did things to me that I should have lambasted myself for. How I was hurt, angry, annoyed, and aroused was truly beyond me.

Now he wanted me to go away with him for the long weekend? The words pouring out of his mouth, rolling off of his dexterous tongue, sent shivers over my body. Running off with him for the weekend seemed like the perfect way to finally get some alone time together without the constant threat of someone finding us.

But his confessions...

Castillo, of all people, was like a knife in my back. Finding out that she touched him, in his most sacred spot, twisted the blade as it plunged even deeper. She had gotten a piece of him, and it made my heart lurch, causing a thrash of pain to spill over my chest. I didn’t want to believe that Angelica was right, and even though she was only partially correct, Castillo formulating into the equation in any way possible was enough to make my insides turn on me. The random kiss from the stranger could be overlooked, but Castillo was like a hard slap to the face, a hit on my pride, and a tear in my ego.

  How could I look past it? I knew I wanted to. I just didn’t know how. Seeing her in the schoolhouse walkway this morning sent prickles down my arms. I saw red with her smirk, but oddly, she didn’t say anything to me. My cold good morning greeting and her grin and nod was all of the interaction shared between us, and even though no further drama ensued, I was a bit taken aback by it.

Angelica had grown even more reclusive. Tearing herself away whenever she got the chance, never saying much to me. I’d asked her what Sgt. Cruz had wanted, but the panic in her eyes, the heaviness of her breathing with my words, told me that whatever it was, it was in her best interest to keep her mouth shut.

It was times like those that I wanted to look past Alex’s stupidity and love all over him. Because when he wanted to be, he could be very protective and endearing—two things I didn’t have much of in my life.

It was late afternoon when our tests from Friday were passed back. A ninety-seven percent was placed on my desk, along with a sweet, yet seductive grin from Alex. I smiled back, feeling the joy of finally performing the way that I knew I was capable of. Angelica received her test, a ninety percent, but she refused to look at Alex. I could see the restraint, and my interest was piqued. I needed to know what had happened between those two, and why the sight of him all of a sudden struck deep fear in her.

Alex had a small shiner on his face. I wondered if something had happened at the bar, or if that was a mark from Castillo because her anger at being turned away had spurred her to violence. The thought alone made my blood boil. My inner bitch was ready to pounce on her if she had dared to put her hands on him, and with that thought, came more confusion.