By the time she was finished, her heart was pounding so hard she would swear Jake could hear it. He smiled sadly when they had to release each other’s hands.

Jim addressed the nonexistent guests. “Travis and Kacey, or in this case Jake and Char, both expressed interest in writing personal vows to each other. We will hear them now.”

He handed the microphone to Jake. Clueless, Jake handed it back. Jim shook his head. “No, no, Nadine needs to hear your voice. I doubt you’ll have trouble talking about a pretty girl like Char.”

Holy crap. He was going to humiliate her in front of everyone.

“I’ve always liked pretty girls.” Jake laughed into the microphone, ruining Char’s brief moment of happiness. “And I can honestly say, Char’s the prettiest I’ve ever come across.”

The bridesmaids sighed behind him.

“Too bad she’s crazy.” He winked. “I mean really crazy. She’s threatened me more times than I care to admit. Don’t even get me started on wedding gifts and drug stores. Some of my happiest moments have been with her, some of my worst moments, too.” He paused. “Maybe that’s what love’s all about. You share the good and the bad, and hope to God that in the end the person will still be waiting for you on the other side. Marriage is a complete and total leap of faith—I’ve always thought of myself as a risk taker. The greatest risk of all is pursuing someone with your entire heart, knowing that it’s completely possible they won’t want you back.”

Char wasn’t sure if she should laugh or cry.

Everyone was silent.

A car turned into the driveway. It was Kacey and Travis.

Grandma blew her whistle. “Finish the ceremony, Jim.”

Char shook her head. “But—”

“Finish it!” Grandma yelled as she made her way down the driveway.

“Do you take her?” Jim asked Jake.

“Uh, yes?”

“Do you take him?”

Char felt her eyes narrow as she gave a jerky nod.

“You have to say it.” Jim laughed nervously.

“Fine. Yes. I take him.”

“Then with the power vested in me by the state of Oregon, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride!”

Everyone clapped lamely, until Jake stepped forward and pulled Char in for a mind-altering kiss that melted every defense she had erected that morning.

“Looks like I married the shrew.” He winked.

“Better than marrying the harem-possessing whore!” Char fumed, pushing against his chest.

Pastor Jim tried to separate them but they were already nose to nose.

“Is that jealousy I hear?” Jake snorted.

“Jealousy?” Char repeated, then threw back her head and laughed. “Yes, I’m so jealous of all the women who’ve shared your bed! At least I’m only one notch on your bedpost.”

“Two.” Jake smirked. “You’re two; you know why.”

Char lunged for his throat but Jim stood in the way.

“Smile and laugh all you want, Jake, but ten years from now, when I’m married with kids and living a happy life, you’re going to be nothing but a lonely bachelor.”

She couldn’t stop the words from coming. It was as if all the hurt inside her bubbled up and finally forced their way out into the open. Jake’s rejection had re-opened so many old wounds, wounds she’d kept packed away for so long.

His smile fell. “Better a bachelor than a bitch.”

The entire wedding party fell silent.

Travis walked up, shoving his hands into his pockets. “So what did we miss?”

Pastor Jim still stood between Char and Jake, his face a deep shade of red. “A blessed union.”

Jake swore and walked off.

Kacey came up alongside Travis; her gaze followed Jake’s disappearing form. “What happened?”

“What always happens with Jake?” Char shrugged. “He’s walking away.” 

Chapter Forty-three

He couldn’t drink away his problems, he couldn’t whore them away. It was as if every step he took toward Char, he had to take a step back. Yes, he was still pissed about the fact that she had planned to sell out his family for her job, but the more he thought about it the more he respected her for saying no to her boss.

She needed a job.

Unlike him.

He could waste away the rest of his life and still have more money than he knew what to do with. Char, however, didn’t have a trust fund to fall back on; she didn’t have a multi-million-dollar house she could sell, or her pick of at least ten foreign cars.

The girl had to eat and pay bills, things Jake had never worried about, ever.

He’d had it all planned in his head. He’d joke around with her a bit to break the ice, and then he would apologize for snapping at her the night before.

Except then they’d had to stand in for the damn wedding ceremony and things had become so unbelievably real that he’d started to shake when he held Char’s hands. When he’d said those vows, he wanted to mean them. For the first time in his life he’d wanted the commitment to be real. Damn, but he wanted her to see past the façade he put on and just accept him.

In that moment, when he’d held her hands, when he’d looked into her blue eyes, his heart begged for her to see more than everyone else before. He though if anyone could see past his insecurities, it was Char.

But instead of seeing past it…

She’d exposed him, like a live wire, for the world to see. And for the first time in his life he had nothing he could say to make it better. He’d called her a bitch and walked away; again, he’d walked away. Was that how he was dealing with things now? Walking away and sulking? He didn’t want to be that guy anymore, the one that ignored all of his emotions, stuffed them into the farthest part of his brain and got drunk in order to forget he had them in the first place.

The problem with finally dealing with his past demons was that they’d been a part of him for so long that they’d almost become a comfort, or to him, a crutch.

He still had issues with Kacey’s parents’ deaths—never getting over the fact that they were taken from both him and Kacey. And then never feeling like he could live up to his dad’s strict standards of what a Titus should be. Then finally, his own belief that in the end, he wasn’t capable of loving someone the way they deserved to be loved.

His whole life he’d been afraid of commitment, yet it was only now that he realized he’d been in a relationship for twenty-three years. He was shackled to himself, in a relationship with his own demons. The most important thing in his life had always been to live for the moment, to live for himself. Parents always warned their kids about the dangers of unhealthy relationships with others—so why didn’t they ever warn kids about the dangers of an unhealthy relationship with yourself? With your own damn heart?

Jake walked to the back of the house and out onto the dock that overlooked the river. With a sigh he sat at the edge and watched one of the dinner cruise boats slowly go by.

Life had been so much easier when he was a little kid, when his only worries had been whether his mom was going to wash his basketball uniform on time or if the kids at school would want to play kickball.

Being an adult sucked.

Finally realizing you were a selfish jackass didn’t help either.

“Can I sit down?” Travis asked behind him.

“Sure,” Jake said.

“It’s a nice evening.” Travis’s knees cracked as he took a seat on the dock.

Jake nodded and kept looking out at the water. If he looked his brother in the eyes he’d probably snap—he was that on edge.

“You wanna tell me what’s going on?” Travis asked.

With a sigh, Jake leaned back on his hands and shook his head. “Not particularly, no.”

A movement caught Jake’s eye. He watched as Travis pulled a small envelope from his pocket. “Here’s the thing. I never wanted to give this to you.”

“Are we divorcing?” Jake tried to sound lighthearted but he was a bit freaked out. What the hell could be in that envelope?