"Okay," I say, wishing I had the strength to say no. "But don't make them tight, please?"

Sebastian smiles a little. "Of course, angel," he says, gently clasping the handcuff to my hand, then attaching it to the bottom of the mattress. "Anything for you." He kisses me when he's done, a long, drawn out kiss that sends a shiver through my body. "Does that feel okay?" he whispers, blue eyes piercing mine.

"Yes."

"Good." Sebastian lies back down now, looking up at the ceiling, and I follow his lead. The ceiling is empty, nothing but white paint, but there is something beautiful in how ordinary it is. I wish I were ordinary, sometimes. I wish none of the bad things ever happened. But then I realize that being ordinary never made me all that happy either. Being ordinary never gave me any of these experiences, never made me feel as alive as Sebastian does. Being ordinary is kind of overrated.

Maybe everyone should be shards. Maybe that's the point.

"Do you think we're ever going to escape for good?" I ask after a while, not looking at him. "Do you think Marco will ever give up?"

I hear Sebastian shake his head beside me. "I don't know. I think we just have to hope."

"Hoping hasn't gotten me very far," I mutter so quietly that I don't mean for Sebastian to hear, but he must anyway, because I hear him say to himself, "Me too."

We're silent for a long while after that. I listen to the crickets outside, to the whirring of the fan above me, and I find myself wondering if this place is going to be my home now, if I'm ever going to get out. But at least I'm with Sebastian. At least I still have him. And for now, that's all I need.

"Angel," he whispers after a few hours have passed, right when I'm on the verge of falling asleep.

"Yes?" I say, sitting up and turning to him.

He's not looking at me, though. His gaze is still trained on the ceiling. "In case anything ever happens, I want you to know something. I want… I want to have a plan B." He turns to me now, locking eyes with mine. "Okay?"

I nod. "Of course," I say softly.

"You aren't going to like it," he says, eyes on mine.

I hold my breath. Just the idea of losing him, losing anyone else, hurts too much to explain. "Tell me."

He sighs. He reaches out a hand and starts running his fingers through my hair, his blue eyes so soft and sad, as if he regrets something. "Angel, I've done bad things," he whispers. "You know that. And you may learn some things about me soon… that just… they aren't good things. I regret them, though. Each and every one of them. But if it gets to the point where you hate me, where you're hurt inside and just want to leave me, then we need to end this. Even with the risks," he whispers. "And then, afterward, if you decide you need to, you can leave me forever. No questions asked. I'll let you go." He moves in closer to me, his hot breath on my lips. "I hope you know that, angel. I hope you know that I'll always let you go if you absolutely need to leave."

My heart skips a beat. What is it Sebastian is hiding from me? "What's the plan?" I say. I make sure my voice doesn't shake. I make sure I'm strong, strong for him.

"To go with Marco," he says quietly, eyes still on mine. "He won't kill you on sight if you tell him you have… information about me. Give me up and save yourself, angel. I need to pay for my sins sometime. You don't deserve to be pulled down with me."

"So you want me to go to his house and kill him?" I say quietly, staring back at him, at the curve of his jaw, the deep tan of his skin. The scary thing is, I know I'll do it. I'll do anything to be happy, to be with Sebastian. I've been hurt so much before, broken to the point where I barely know who I am anymore, that I know I'll do anything I need to be happy again.

Sebastian shakes his head. "Don't do that. Trying to hurt him at his house will only get you killed by his guards. Just give me up, angel, if something bad were ever to happen." His eyes lock with mine. "Can you do that for me?"

"Yes," I say quietly, knowing it's a lie. "I can." But a part of me keeps wanting to ask him what exactly it is he is hiding from me, what it is that is going on, what he's holding back that could potentially ruin all of this. I tell myself it's nothing, though. Tell myself I can trust Sebastian. I have to trust Sebastian. Because without him, who can I possibly trust? I have no one left but him.

He smiles lightly, then kisses my forehead. "Goodnight," he says, rolling over so his back is to me. "I love you."

But I don't say anything. I just stare up at the ceiling, thinking and thinking. I think about happiness and what I'd do to achieve it. I think about how much pain I feel every day, and how much I want to be with Sebastian and not have to worry about anything ever again. And then, I think about how a part of me, a deep and dark part of me, would do anything to make the pain go away. Would do anything to make me happy again, to make me feel less broken.

Absolutely anything.

"I can kill him, you know," I say suddenly, horrified by my own words. "If you think that'll help."

Sebastian muscles tense up as soon as the words escape me. He turns over to me, his eyes fiery, his voice filled with anger and something else… fear, maybe? "No. You shouldn't do that. Don’t give that up for me. Don't be like me, angel. You never want to be like me."

"But getting rid of him will take away the pain. And I want us to be happy," I say quietly, staring down at my hands. "Is being happy really too much to ask?"

He keeps shaking his head, his eyes so, so sad. "Don't say that, angel," he whispers. "Please. Just don't say that."

"Okay," I say quietly, my eyes glistening with tears. "Okay."

Chapter Fourteen

The next few days go by quickly, and Sebastian and I stay in the house at the top of the hill, still safe for now. I have no idea how Marco's men found us last time, so I catch myself constantly looking behind me, checking to make sure no one is following me, or is here to kill me, or whatever his men want. But no one is. Not yet, at least. Neither Sebastian nor I go upstairs, which makes me wonder what it is he is hiding from me, but I try not to worry about it. I've learned not to question Sebastian. He is who he is. He does what he does for reasons I'm never going to understand. And at the end of everything, all that matters is that we're together.

Sebastian doesn't let me out of his sight, either, for fear Marco will find me. He takes me into town, watching me the whole time. He gives me money to buy new clothes and food and makeup, and he makes me dye my hair blonde, which doesn't look especially good on me but it makes me look less like myself, at least. There isn't much to do here, nothing but lay low and wait, but at least, in the heart of it all, I have Sebastian. I have someone to hold, someone to love, and that's more than I used to have.

It's Wednesday morning, three weeks since Ash died, that that all changes.

Today, Sebastian brings me into town. We're out of groceries, so he drives me down the hill toward the tiny little town center, which is really just a handful of small buildings clustered together. The "supermarket" he parks in front of is the size of a mini restaurant. A few people sit outside of it, lounging at little glass tables with umbrellas over them, basking in the sun and eating sandwiches and laughing and talking. A water fountain sits to their right, with water pouring out of an angel statue's mouth. Sebastian slips on his dark sunglasses and leads me into the supermarket, keeping my head down.