Exhaustion and hunger made me slow, and I had a death grip on my towel. Those were the reasons I ended up pinned to his chest, both of us on the floor in front of the bed. I could feel his heart hammering against my shoulder and his breath against my cheek.

Seth’s hands were clamped on my arms, keeping me from delivering a nasty elbow to his face. “Why… why do you always act like this? Why? Why did you do this to yourself? All of this could’ve been avoided.”

The sudden tightening in my throat warned that the yawning emptiness was still there, lingering. “I know. Please… please don’t be angry with me.”

“I’m not angry with you, Alex. Okay, maybe a little.” He moved slightly, pressing his head against mine. Several moments passed before he spoke again. “How could you do this to yourself? You— youof all people should have known better.”

I felt the tears start to well up again. “I’m sorry. We didn’t—”

“You could have died out there, Alex—or worse.” Seth let out a ragged breath, his fingers tightening around my upper arms. “Do you know what I thought when I felt your panic?”

“I’m sorry—”

“Sorry wouldn’t have done a damn thing if I’d lost you, and for what?” He grasped the sides of my face, turning my head so I had no other choice but to face him. His eyes searched mine. “Why? Is it because of what happened with Aiden?”

“No.” Tears rolled down my cheeks now. “I did it because I was being stupid. We just wanted to get some drinks. I didn’t think anything would happen. If I could change it, I would. I would do anything.”

“Alex.” Seth closed his eyes.

“I mean it. I would do anything to change what happened! Caleb—he didn’t deserve that. I did know better. If we’d stayed in my room, he would still be alive. I know that.”

“Alex, please.”

“I know I acted stupid.” My voice cracked. “And if I could go back, I would. I’d switch places with him. I would—”

“Stop,” he whispered, his thumbs wiping away my tears. “Please stop crying.”

Everything inside me felt like it was tensing and twisting into one giant knot. “I’m so sorry. I want to take it all back. I want a do-over, because I can’t do this again.”

He made a strangled sound as he pulled me to his chest, holding me there until my heart stopped racing and the tears subsided. “You have to do this again and you don’t get a do-over, Alex. None of us do. You can only move forward from here, and the first step is going to his funeral.”

I drew in a deep breath. “I know.”

Seth caught my chin with the tip of his finger, tipping it back. I think that’s when he realized I wore nothing more than a towel. His eyes flicked down for a moment and then his entire body seemed to stiffen. It could have been all the extreme emotions rolling through both of us, or the connection we shared, but every inch of my body suddenly felt warm.

It was strange how the body could forget all these terrible things so quickly. Or maybe it was the soul that worked that way, seeking out warmth and touch, needing to prove that we were still in the world of living. I leaned in, resting my cheek against his shoulder. I closed my eyes.

“You’re shaking,” Seth murmured.

“I’m cold.”

His hands slid over my shoulders. “You really need to put some clothes on. You shouldn’t be dressed like that.”

“You came in here. That’s not my fault.”

“Still. You need to put some clothes on.”

I bit my lip and pulled back. Seth stared back at me, his eyes unnaturally bright. “Okay. But you’re going to have to let go of me first.”

His hands tensed on my back, and for a second… well, he looked like he wasn’t going to let me go. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. Seth did let go, but he leaned in, resting his forehead against mine. “You do smell better now. I think we’re making progress.”

My lips twitched. “Thanks.”

Some of the tension in his body seemed to seep out. “You ready?”

I breathed in deeply, and it felt like the first time in days. “Yes.”

When I was little, my mother had once told me that only in death could a pure and a half be viewed as equals. Both would stand before the River Styx, waiting for their souls to be carried into the hereafter.

Everyone had already filed into the cemetery by the time Seth and I made it there. The pures stood up front, before the halfs, which made no sense to me. Caleb had been one of us, not them. So why should they stand closer to him? Aiden would say it was tradition.

It was still wrong.

I roamed the outer edge of the groups with Seth, dodging outright curious looks and even a few stares of condemnation. I tried to convince myself I wasn’t looking for a certain, dark-haired pure as my gaze kept returning to the group at the front. Aiden was the last person I wanted to see.

Seth finally stopped, so I did, too. He hadn’t spoken since we’d left my room, but he kept glancing at me. I think he worried I’d flip out again. Tucking my still-damp hair back, I looked up at him, chewing on my lip.

“You’re going to thank me, aren’t you?” Seth sounded amused.

“Well… I was. Not so sure about that now.”

“Come on. I want to actually hear you say it. It’ll probably be your first and last time.”

I squinted against the sun’s harsh glare. Far away, I could see the pyre, the body swathed in white linen. “Thank you for staying with me. And I’m sorry for being such a bitch toward you.”

Seth unfolded his arms, nudging me with his elbow. “Did you just call yourself a—”

“Yes, I did, because I am one.” I sighed loudly. “You didn’t deserve it when I yelled at you… about Caleb.”

He stepped closer as Lucian moved to stand before the pyre. As the Minister, he would give the parting speech, eternal life and all that. “I deserve a lot of things,” Seth said.

“Not that.” I tore my eyes from the scene before me. I focused on a nearby hyacinth bush. The single dense spike of flowers was a vibrant red, the blossoms shaped like little stars. They signaled grief and mourning, and they were everywhere in the cemetery, reminding all of us of the tragedy of Apollo’s love for the beautiful Hyacinth. Back when the gods roamed the earth freely, people who ended up dying some tragic death became a flower if they were young and beautiful, male or female, and had earned a god’s favor.

Twisted.

Seth shifted closer, his arm brushing mine. “You know, the connection between us didn’t leave me with any other choice.”

I rolled my eyes. “Well, thank you, anyway.”

Lucian started in on the memorial speech, speaking about Caleb’s spirit and strength. The ache in my chest grew and the sweetly scented air felt cool against my damp cheeks. When the pyre was lit, my insides twisted and I couldn’t stop the shudder that kept running through my body. I turned halfway, pressing against the waiting warmth while the air filled with the sounds of crackling wood and quiet sobs.

I don’t know what hurt more: the fact I’d never see him again or that I’d never hear his infectious laugh. Each realization sent a sharp pang through me.

It wasn’t until the crowds began to disperse did I grasp the warmth I’d sought out actually belonged to a body—and that body belonged to Seth. Cheeks flushing, I stepped out of his embrace. I’d cried on him enough to last me a lifetime. “I need to…”

“I understand.” Seth stepped back. “I’ll wait for you outside.”

Grateful that he got it without me actually having to say anything, I watched him head back to the cemetery gates. I wiped under my eyes again and turned around.

I froze.

Olivia stood in front of me, dressed in black slacks and a sweater. Her skin was shades lighter; her eyes, usually so warm and open, were now cold and angry. Tears ran down her face unchecked.

I stepped toward her, wanting to comfort her. “Olivia, I’m so—”