I felt as if I had snapped awake from a dream.

Slowly, as we rose toward the surface, I left the bear and returned to myself.

The soaring rush up the dropshaft seemed to last forever.

The dropshaft entered solid rock, and as I rose, I shed the last of my bear form. I felt the return of my human reason. But I was still confused and disconnected from what was going on.

Then, quite suddenly, I was at the top of the dropshaft. I stepped off onto solid concrete. The others were all there. Ax was trying to morph into his human body, but he was having trouble. Morphing is exhausting. Morphing rapidly from one form to the next more than once makes you feel like you want to just crawl in a corner and die.

I knew how he felt. I stumbled from sheer weariness as I stepped onto the cement floor. It was dark, with just enough faint light to see the faces around me.

"Careful," Cassie said, taking my arm. "We're okay. We're safe. We're in the base of the water tower behind the school."

"Gotta get out of here. Yeerks will be watching."

47 "Yeah, they were," Marco said. He jerked his head over to the corner where two human-Controllers lay unconscious.

"Let's get out of here," Jake said. "You okay, Rachel?"

"Yeah. Tired is all. I...I never morphed the bear before. Didn't have time to get control. Sorry.

"

"It's okay, Rachel. That grizzly got us all out of there. But get some rest, huh?"

"Yeah. Rest would be nice."

Somehow I made it home. I crawled into my bed and fell instantly asleep.

48 49 Chapter 13

I didn't wake up till the next morning when my alarm went off. I was groggy, barely able to read the numbers on my clock.

"Rachel? Are you up?" my mom called through the door.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm up," I said. I crawled out of bed and staggered toward the bathroom. Jordan was in the bathroom we share.

I went out into the hall toward my mother's bathroom.

She was already up and dressed in a tan business suit. She was adjusting her nylons. "You don't look too good," she said, giving me a sideways look.

"Uh," I said. "Can I use your shower?"

"You're wearing the clothes you came home in last night," she said accusingly. "You came wandering in at nine-thirty, barefoot and wearing your leotard. That's what you're still wearing."

I stared stupidly down at myself. Yes, I was wearing my morphing outfit. "Um...my, um, I left my shoes over at Cassie's. I was showing her some gymnastics stuff. Can I use your shower or not?"

"Coming home barefoot and falling asleep without even having dinner," my mom said, and shook her head. "Rachel, if you are having some problems or something, I want you to talk to me."

I did the wrong thing: I suddenly burst out laughing. "Problems? No, why would I have any problems?" I giggled, and wiped the sleep from my eyes, and giggled some more.

My mom sighed. "I have an early court appearance this morning," she said. "The Hallinan case. But I want you to stay home tonight. I think you and I need to have a little talk. I know your father has thrown a big problem into your lap. I know this decision is very difficult for you."

"Can I use your shower or not?" I sighed, no longer giggling.

"Go ahead. Make sure Sara gets on the bus okay."

I closed the bathroom door behind me and fled to the sanctuary of steaming hot water.

It started coming back to me then. All of it. Exploding out of the Taxxon's stomach. The Ellimist's offer. The sight of Tobias, back for too brief a time in his own body. Human again.

And the battle...a rampaging, enraged bear. A bear that was me.

I shuddered. I was running out of hot water.

"Rachel? What did you do, fall in?" It was Jordan, outside the bathroom door.

50 "Jordan? Make sure Sara gets off to school, okay?" I called out. "I'm running a little late. You go ahead, too."

I skipped school that day for the first time in my life. I lay around the house and watched day time trash TV. I flipped channels back and forth, between one bunch of messed-up people and another bunch of even more messed-up people.

It was nice, watching other people with problems. Their problems all seemed easy compared to mine.

But over the electronic pictures of angry people and placating hosts, other images appeared.

A Taxxon, split open like a torn bag of garbage. The frozen, silent screams of involuntary hosts in their cages.

And through all the television noise, I could still hear other voices. The Ellimist's voice in my head.

We can save a small sample of the human race.

And Jake's voice.

You are out of control!

And my father.

To another city. Another state.

I tried not to even think about everything that had happened the day before. I mean, it was so ridiculous. I lived in two completely different worlds.

One world was filled by my family, school, gymnastics classes, shopping, listening to music, watching TV . . . normal stuff.

But then I had this whole other life. A life where I wasn't just Jordan and Sara's big sister, and my mom's first child, and a teacher's pet, and a gymnastics student who was weak on the balance beam.

In my other life I was ...a warrior. I risked my life. I fought in deadly nightmare battles against terrible odds. I became so much more than just a kid.

Noon rolled around and I made myself a grilled cheese sandwich. I turned on the TV in the kitchen while I cooked. And there was my dad on the noon news. He was doing a remote - a story from outside the studio. Some stupid event at the convention center.

I muted the sound and just watched the picture. I threw my sandwich in the trash.

"What am I supposed to do?!" I yelled suddenly, shocking myself. "What am I supposed to do!"

My voice sounded flat and dead in the silence of the kitchen. I felt foolish. It wasn't like me to get all emotional.

51 I stood there, just staring at the cupboards.

The Ellimist. . . the bear...my father. . . . What was I supposed to do? Leave my mom and sisters?

Leave my dad? Leave my friends? Leave the whole messed-up planet?

I imagined going to see my father down at the convention center. "Dad? I have this problem."

And he would put his arm around me and fluff my hair the way he always did and say, "Come on, kid. Don't be so serious."

I turned the TV sound back on. My dad was grinning at something. He was doing some chatter with the anchorpeople back at the station.

"...be leaving us soon, and we're all sorry to hear that. But I know it will be a great opportunity for you."

"Yes, it will," my father said. "Although I will really miss all the - "

I snapped off the TV set. I felt sick inside. Like I had swallowed broken glass.

I needed to get out of the house. I needed to stop thinking.

I went upstairs and opened my bedroom window.

Several minutes later, a large bald eagle flew from my window and soared high into the sky.

We all hooked up later that afternoon at Cassie's barn.

Inside her barn there are rows of cages in all shapes and sizes, mostly full. Birds are in one area, with mammals separated from them by a partition wall. I guess it makes the birds nervous to be in the same room with foxes and raccoons.

Nervous birds hurt themselves, banging around the cages.

When I showed up at the meeting bare foot and in my morphing outfit, everyone immediately knew I hadn't exactly taken the bus to get there.