'I cannot promise appreciation, Jagannathji, but I can promise restraint. Goodbye.'

'Hello. Home Minister's residence? Chief Minister Sahib wants to talk to Home Minister Sahib.'

'Put him on.'

'No. You put him on. Chief Minister is senior to Home Minister.'

'OK, OK, no need to get angry. I will pass to Bhaiyyaji.' (Music.)

'Hello?'

'Hello. Jagannath?'

'Namaskar Chief Minister Sahib.'

'I am under lot of pressure, Jagannath.'

'Now what has happened? The murder case against me has been dismissed.'

'It's about your son. High Command is saying that perhaps you should step down because of Vicky's involvement in the Ruby Gill murder case. If the verdict goes against him, our party's image will suffer greatly.'

'Why? The party's image did not suffer when the High Command made me Home Minister, despite the fact that I have thirty-two criminal cases against me. But have I been sentenced even in one? No, na? Then why are you making such a big issue over my son's involvement in just one murder case, when the judgment has not even been delivered?'

'It is no ordinary case, Jagannath. It has become the most high-profile murder case in the country. All the channels are only talking about this case.'

'So will we now be judged by the media? You are a lawyer yourself, Chief Minister Sahib. And the fundamental rule of law is that the accused is innocent till proven guilty. If ministers had to resign simply on the basis of being charged, two-thirds of your Cabinet would be empty. So I say let the case be proven against my son, then we shall see.'

'I have managed to persuade High Command to hold off any action till the local elections. But that journalist Arun Advani continues to cause trouble. Did you read his latest column? He is alleging that you are trying to bribe the judge. It is giving us very bad publicity.'

'Let him write what he wants. The good thing is none of our voters know English. I was telling the Education Minister that we should ban all English-medium schools in the State. We should teach children only in Hindi. If we take away the bamboo, how will the flute play?' (Laughter.)

'And also Urdu. Don't forget our Muslim voters.'

'Yes, of course, Chief Minister Sahib. Urdu is equally important. In fact, I am brushing up on my Urdu these days. Iqbal Mian has been teaching me Ghalib's poetry. Would you like to listen to a few couplets?'

'No… no. I have to go for the inauguration of a primary school. Just remember, Jagannath, I have managed to save you for now, but if Vicky is convicted even I won't be able to do anything for you.'

'Don't worry. That eventuality will not arise.'

'See you at the Cabinet meeting tomorrow.'

'Yes. See you, Chief Minister Sahib. '

'Hello. Rukhsana?'

'I am not talking to you, janaab. I sent you five hundred text messages. You didn't respond to even one. '

'Arrey, what can I do? The whole day I was busy in that wretched State Development Council Meeting which the Chief Minister is so fond of.'

'How can a meeting last a whole day?'

'It can if you have a room full of prize idiot bureaucrats, each one droning for hours about roads and bridges and schools and orphanages. Sometimes I feel it was a mistake to go into politics. When I have to travel hundreds of kilometres every day through dusty villages, when I have to listen patiently to ignorant farmers wanting me to ensure that the monsoon does not fail, when I have to sign endless files about matters that don't concern me remotely, I realize the price one has to pay for being in politics.'

'Then why don't you quit?'

'Easier said than done. Politics is a bitch, but it is like government. You crib about it but you can't do without it either.'

'And what about me? Can you do without me?'

'Arrey, you are my nasha, my addiction. Listen to this couplet which I composed in your honour: "Although love's pangs may fatal be, there can be no way out Without love too this heart would grieve, for want of things to grieve about."'

'You have become quite a poet. Looks like my love has made you a real Majnu.'

'Indeed… "Love has made me good-for-nothing, Otherwise a useful man I used to be." '

'What can I say, janaab, today Urdu poetry is flowing from your mouth like bullets from a gun.'

'Don't talk about bullets, darling. This is the story of my life. The moment I try to become romantic somebody brings up the subject of guns and spoils the mood.'

'I am sorry.'

'Forget it. Tell me, how was your day?'

'Good. I went to the beauty parlour. Got full waxing done. Also facial. My body is like silk. You will find out when you touch me.'

'I am dying for that. Sumitra will leave for Farrukhabad on Friday. I will come to you on Saturday and stay the night.'

'Why don't you divorce your wife? She is only causing you grief.'

'My children are no better. I have a son who has had a penchant for getting into trouble ever since he was a kid. And a daughter who adamantly refuses to marry. With great difficulty I have managed to get her engaged to an excellent boy from our own caste, a Thakur belonging to the royal family of Pratapgarh, but she keeps postponing the marriage. Her favourite pastime is to chat with the sons and daughters of the sweepers and washermen who live behind our house. My biggest fear is that one day she will decide to elope with some street loafer and grind our family's nose in the dust.'

'Don't worry about something that might never happen.'

'Guruji says the same. You and Guruji are the only people who understand me.'

'But you don't understand me. For months I have been asking you to take me on a foreign trip, but you never oblige.'

'Arrey, when there are so many pending issues to be sorted out in this damned place, where is the time to think of going abroad? This is the problem with you. You are never content with what you have.' (Sob.)

'Jaaneman, have I upset you? Look, I am giving you a kiss.'

(Kissing sound.)

'Dad?'

'Yes, Vicky?'

'Is it all set?'

'Yes. But I have asked for judgment to be postponed till 15 February. That is when the inauspicious period will end, according to Guruji.'

'So I need not worry?'

'Not as long as I am around. But have you ever thought how much grief you've given me? How long can I keep bailing you out of trouble?'

'That's what dads are for.'

'You are a real motherfucker; you know that, don't you, Vicky?'

'Well, from a purely technical point of view, that would be you, Dad, wouldn't it?'

'You bas-'

(Disconnect.)