Rachel tightened her fingers. “Stay with me, Alex. We’re almost there.”

“I don’t know if… I-” Her voice rose. “I don’t-”

Rachel cut her off. “Yes, you can. Do it for Dylan. Do it for Tim.”

And for her mother, Alex thought, marshaling her courage. No more running. No more searching for what was missing.

She would finally know.

They wound deeper. Every so often the lichen would catch on her hair or brush her face and she would squeak in terror. She squeezed Rachel’s hand so tightly, she knew it must hurt. She told herself to ease up, but found she couldn’t respond.

“Talk to me, Rachel. Please, just talk-Oh my God, it’s happening. I smell it! Sandalwood!”

“It’s okay.” Rachel said softly. “It’s real, I set the stage. We’re almost there.”

Alex stumbled; Rachel steadied her. The smell grew stronger. A thrumming filled her head, like a chant. She wanted to run, but was frozen in fear.

Rachel tugged on her hand. “C’mon, Alex, just a few more steps.”

Her words seemed to be coming from a great distance. Alex obeyed woodenly. They turned. In the distance she saw a circle of flickering light. With each step it grew bigger, more brilliant, its pull on her stronger.

“You’re five years old, Alex,” Rachel said softly. “You didn’t mean any harm… you just wanted to see what was happening…”

And then Alex realized: Rachel was a bigger part of the nightmare than she had let on. She looked at her. “I followed you, didn’t I? That night, I followed you into the cave.”

“Yes,” Rachel said softly.

Alex brought a hand to her mouth, not so much remembering as putting the pieces together. “You hated it when I followed you around. But I did it all the time. I adored you.”

Alex put herself back there, imagining that night. “I hear you sneak out and decide to follow.”

“You brought Dylan with you.”

“Yes. I would have known I couldn’t leave him alone.”

Alex pictured her five-year-old self standing on tiptoe, scooping Dylan up out of his crib. He would have been heavy for her. She imagined her determination. Her fear of dropping him.

“You went into the cave.”

“Yes,” Rachel agreed.

Alex looked ahead, at the flickering light pouring out of an alcove up ahead. From candles, she realized. “And I followed you even though I was terrified of the cave.”

Again, Rachel agreed.

“At some point I must have heard sounds. Like the ones from my visions. And seen the flickering lights.”

Alex wetted her lips, dry from breathing heavily through her mouth. She realized she held her arms as if cradling a baby. She moved forward, toward the lit opening, Rachel beside her.

She stepped into the room, her gaze going immediately to an opening in the cave wall. She crossed to it. “You were peeking through an opening. This opening.”

“You called my name,” Rachel said. “When I saw you, I was so angry. Because I was scared. I knew how much trouble I could be in. Then Dylan started to cry.”

Rachel reached out as if to take a baby from her arms. “I took him. To try to get him to stop. What did you do then, Alex?”

Alex shifted her gaze to the opening again. “I wanted to see what you were looking at.” She crossed to the opening. With her mind’s eye, she saw herself, drawn to the flickering light, like tentacles of fire reaching for her, pulling her in. She peered through the opening.

And the past hit her with the force of a wrecking ball, the memory of what she saw flooding back. Men in long, hooded robes. Women, too, but some naked… Dancing sensuously in the candlelight. Touching themselves. Being touched. The grunting, howling noises from her dreams. Not strange creatures-the sounds of wild sex.

Sex. Her mother, Alex remembered. Naked. Spread out on an altar, a man on top of her. Riding her.

Rachel came up behind her. “You started to scream. I put my hand over your mouth, like this.”

Rachel covered her mouth and jerked her away from the opening. “Go back to bed,” she hissed. “And if you tell anyone what you saw, I’ll hurt you. I promise I will. I’ll do to you what those men are doing to your mommy!”

Rachel released her and Alex stumbled backward, away from the opening. She sank to the cave floor, and brought her hands to her face, feeling ill. Candles, incense and an altar. All the trappings of a religious ritual. The orgy in progress. She wouldn’t have had any frame of reference for what she was witnessing. No place to put it. How frightened she must have been.

It explained so much about her. Her studies, relationships and periods of promiscuity. She had spent her life trying to make sense of it all.

“Alex,” Rachel said softly, kneeling in front of her. “Let’s finish this.”

CHAPTER SIXTY-NINE

Wednesday, March 17

9:05 P.M.

Alex searched Rachel’s expression. In it she saw steely resolve-and regret. “What are you thinking?” Alex asked.

“I’m sorry I said that to you. I was just a kid, I was terrified of what Dad would do to me if he found out. I’m so, so sorry.”

Alex let out a deep, shuddering breath. “I’m not sure I can do this anymore.”

“Yes, you can. I want to be free. Don’t you?”

She did. Dear God, she wanted it more than anything. She squeezed her eyes shut, opening the door in her mind: a naked man howling, fully aroused… her mother spread out on the altar, bodies writhing together… springing away… Rachel’s hand over her mouth, the hissed words in her ear…

“Go back to bed. And if you tell anyone what you saw, I’ll hurt you. I promise I will. I’ll do to you what those men are doing to your mommy!”

She opened her eyes, looked at Rachel. “I ran, didn’t I?”

“Yes. But you didn’t go back to bed, did you?”

“No.” Alex swallowed hard, reliving those terrifying minutes. “I started to. Then I hid. Behind some barrels.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I was scared. I wanted to see-To wait for you.”

“You didn’t wait long, did you?”

“No. You had Dylan. You were hurrying.” Alex swallowed hard; she rubbed her damp palms against her jeans. “I waited a minute, then followed. I couldn’t see you anymore. Then I heard Dylan crying again. You screamed.

“I ran then. You were at the front of the cave. There was a group of robed men… they were all around you.”

Alex brought her hands to her mouth. “They took Dylan and… Rachel… they grabbed you and dragged you beyond where I could see.”

She was crying, Alex realized. She wiped at the tears with the heels of her hands. “I peeked around… they had you on the ground, holding you down. You were fighting, but they were too strong, there were too many…

“Your T-shirt, they yanked it up over your face. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t make a sound. But inside… I was screaming.”

Alex couldn’t stop the words, they poured out of her in a rush. “He raped you, Rachel. The others were cheering… laughing…” God, she hated this. It hurt saying the words, but she had to. “He wasn’t the only one. The others… after him-”

“Two others,” Rachel whispered.

“Yes. Then, you didn’t move anymore. I knew that was bad. I wanted to find our parents, but I was afraid. I couldn’t go back in there… I was too scared!” Her voice caught on a sob. “I’m sorry, Rachel. I’m so sorry.”

“How many, Alex? How many were there?”

She struggled to remember. “Five, I think. One ran away. One just helped hold you down. They teased him about it but-”

She looked at Rachel. “Oh my God, the first one, before he raped you, he said-”

“ ‘You want to know so bad,’ ” Rachel murmured, “ ‘I’ll show you.’ ” She caught Alex’s hands. “You said that in your dream, it was Clark’s voice. Was it?”

“I don’t know for sure, Rachel. I’d just had that confrontation with him. Maybe that’s why it was his voice.”