This buzz of imminent danger Nick was feeling was making him nauseous. He’d sweated the problem all morning.
For the time being, he was at her side. As long as he was alive, no one was going to touch her. But suppose he wasn’t alive? How the fuck could he keep Charity safe even if he bought it? How could he protect her, even from beyond the grave? It roiled around in his head, a dilemma with sharp edges that sliced, drew blood.
Though last night he’d fucked her frantically, for hours, when he finally quit because she was exhausted, he still couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t even come near it.
The early morning hours had been spent on his back, staring wide-eyed at the shadows in the ceiling, Charity snuggled up close to his side, head on his shoulder. He couldn’t hear her breathing and would have panicked if he hadn’t felt her narrow rib cage slowly rising and falling.
Such a thin line between life and death. He’d seen countless men and some women cross it. In battle, the line was crossed in a microsecond. You were there one moment, a fully alive, thinking human being, and the next you were meat.
Charity was crossing a minefield, with no one to look out for her. She could cross that line between life and death in a heartbeat.
Nick couldn’t stand even the thought of it. His head churned uselessly throughout the night, as he ran through improbable scenarios in his mind.
And then, as the sky turned from black to slate then pewter, a solution hit him. There was a way to keep her safe, even if he was snuffed. One thing he could do that would protect her no matter what happened to him.
Marry her.
Or rather, Nicholas Ames would marry her. Didn’t make any difference that Nicholas Ames didn’t exist. The important thing was that a member of the Unit, a federal agent, had married her.
It was against every rule that existed, even illegal, since he’d be using fake ID. It was unheard of, in the Unit, and in every law enforcement agency in existence. Undercover agents seduced, lied, cheated, and killed. But they didn’t marry, not while undercover.
The shit would hit the fan back in D.C. If he lived, they’d throw the book at him, his teammates would chew his ass out good, he’d probably have to retire in disgrace, but by God…it would work. Oh yeah.
If he got whacked, the Unit and all its resources, his teammates, even his boss would provide a shield for Charity, protect her. The Unit took care of its own. By marrying her, he would make Charity one of theirs. As soon as he announced the marriage, he’d make sure they understood that.
Charity was staring at him, light gray eyes wide.
“I—” She cleared her throat. “I beg your pardon? What did you say?”
Her astonishment brought a smile to his face, a lightness he hadn’t felt all morning. The way ahead was full of darkness and traps, but there might be a path through it, if he could just feel his way.
Nick took her left hand and slowly removed the supple kid glove. Her skin was soft, warm. He brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed her fingers, watching her eyes, choosing his words carefully.
“I know this sounds crazy, honey. We’ve only known each other a week. But it’s been a…very intense week. I know that I’ve never felt this way before about any other woman, and that’s not going to change. In my job, I’m forced to make fast decisions and so far, they’ve all been good ones. This one is a good one and time won’t change it in any way. I don’t want to wait. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
What was left of it, anyway.
Nick watched her carefully. Her hand had gone slack in his, then had tightened. What was she thinking?
“Marriage,” she whispered, eyes searching his.
It sounded crazy to him, too. But he had to convince her. Now that he’d come up with his plan, he couldn’t wait to put it into effect.
He nodded. “Marriage. Now.”
Her hand jerked in his. “Now? You mean—right now?” She looked at the gray courthouse wall. “Just…walk in and get married?”
“Yes. Right now.” He wished it were already done. He kissed her hand again. “I’m not certain, but I might have to go away on business next week, and I might stay away…awhile.” This time next week, he might be dead. “I want to know when I leave that you’re mine. Forever.” And alive, he added silently. “I’m thirty-four and I know myself. I know what I feel and I know this is serious. This is it.” He paused. “At least for me it is. I’m hoping you feel the same.”
“Yes, I do,” she said simply, and his heart soared. His lovely Charity. How typical of her. No coyness, no dancing around, no games. “Yes, I feel the same. That it’s serious, and true, and deep.”
“Exactly.” Inside, he exulted. This was going to work! He couldn’t think about when he’d leave. Right now, he was concentrated on getting her into the Unit’s protective embrace. “Now, you know and I know that we could have a long engagement. We could date for another six months, a year, and nothing would change except we’d be a year older. I’d still feel the same and I hope you would, too.”
She nodded, eyes unwavering on his.
“My job as a stockbroker is basically to understand not so much what to do but when to do it. I have an instinct for good timing. And my instinct says that this is the right thing to do. Right now.”
“Nick,” she said quietly, looking troubled, slowly sliding her hand from his. “You must understand, I can’t move to Manhattan, much as I’d like to. It would be exciting, and I can’t hide from you that I love the idea, but I have responsibilities here. I’m sorry. I don’t know if you can accept that.”
His heart squeezed and for a second he lost his voice.
She loved him. He knew that, or else he’d never have had this crazy idea, never could have hoped to make it work. It was there in the way she looked at him, touched him, fucked him. No—made love with him.
It spoke to her nature that she’d be willing to give up marriage to the man she loved for her elderly aunt and uncle.
“I don’t have to live in New York,” he said gently. “They have these fantastic inventions called the Internet and e-mail. I can do most of my business from here. What little I can’t do over the Net, I can take care of on short trips.”
With each word, he saw joy blossom more brightly on her face, artless and devastating, because he knew what he’d be leaving behind after he was gone. He was going to break her heart.
But—however miserable she’d be when he disappeared, however devastated and grief-stricken, she’d be alive, and that was what mattered. Nobody dies of a broken heart. They do die of a meat hook through the heart.
Nick was a hard man. Hard men made hard choices. And he’d made his.
“Come with me,” he murmured, lifting a hand to tuck a curl behind her ear. He gestured out the windshield at the big door set in the gray wall in front of them. “In there. We can be married in an hour. And since we’re doing this the unconventional way, afterward we can go shopping for rings. Soon, maybe next week or when the weather clears up, we can have a little reception for your folks and friends. I was thinking at Da Emilio’s. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
She nodded, smiling. “Yes, I’d like that.”
“As long as they let me pay,” he added.
He stroked her face, the skin so soft. Warm. Alive. “I need to take care of something this afternoon, but I’ll be back by five, six at the latest.” A quick kiss. “And we’ll have our wedding night tonight.” He stirred, just thinking of it.
It came to him with a quick punch to his stomach that tonight he could be making love to his wife. Words he never thought he’d ever say. Not even in his head.
Even if the marriage lasted only a week or two, and he disappeared forever afterward, he’d have had that. More than he ever thought he’d have.
Nick nodded at the big steel doors leading into the courthouse. “What do you say, darling? Shall we get married?”