“Mamma,” I said. I reached out for her.

My head was pounding with thoughts. The sparrows, Eleazer dead in the street and rising living from the mat, too many other things, things slipping away in my mind, and my mind too full. And all Cleopas’ words and what were they? You must grow up like any other child or was it Little David back to the flock until they called him? Don’t let her be sad.

“I see. I know,” I said to her. I smiled a little smile I never gave to anyone but to her if it was giving. More a little sign than a giving. She had her smile for me. A little thing.

And now, she shook off everything that had gone before, and she reached out for me.

I went up on my knees, and she did too, and she held me tight to her.

“It’s enough for now,” she said. “It’s enough for you to have my word,” she whispered in my ear.

After a while, I got up with her and we went back to the family.

I lay down on my bed of bundles, and she covered me, and under the stars, with the city singing, and Cleopas singing, I went sound asleep.

After all, it was the farthest place to which I could go.

Chapter 5

In the morning, we found the streets almost too crowded for us to move, but move we did, all of us, even the babies in the arms of the mothers, to the Temple.

Cleopas was rested, and a little better, though very weak still and needing to be helped along the way.

I rode on Joseph’s shoulders, and Little Salome on Uncle Alphaeus, and we managed to hold hands, and to see wonderfully as the whole people carried us round the crooked lanes and under archways, until we came to the great open space before the huge stairs and the rising golden walls of the Temple.

There we parted, the women and babies away from the men, moving slowly into the ritual baths, to bathe thoroughly before we would enter the Temple walls.

Now this was not the sprinkling and cleansing for Passover. That had to be done in three stages, starting with the first sprinkling of the men within the Temple today.

This was an overall cleansing that we would do because of our long journey from Egypt, and one that would prepare us to enter into the precincts of the Temple itself. And it was one which our families wanted, and the baths were there, and so we did it though it was not required in the Law.

It took us a long time. The water was cold, and we were glad when we had our clothes on again and we could go back out into the light and rejoin the women, and Little Salome and I could see each other and link hands again.

It seemed the crowds were growing, though how even more people could fit into this space I didn’t know. People were chanting the Psalms in Hebrew. And some were praying with their eyes half closed. And others were merely talking to each other. And children were crying naturally as they always will do.

Once more Joseph put me on his shoulders. And, nearly blinded by the light flashing off the Temple walls, we started the climb up the stairs.

Now as we went up step by step everyone was as overcome by the size of the Temple as I was, and the whole crowd seemed to be praying out loud even if the words they were saying were not prayers.

It seemed impossible that men could have built walls of this height, let alone decorated them with marble of such pure whiteness, and the voices were echoing off the walls, but as we reached the top and pressed slowly to get through the gates, I could see there were soldiers in the square below and some of them were on horseback.

They weren’t Roman soldiers; I didn’t know what they were. But the crowd didn’t like them. I could see even at this great distance that people were raising fists to them, and the horses were dancing as horses do and I thought I saw stones flying through the air.

I could hardly bear the slow pace of waiting. I think I wanted Joseph to push harder for us to get through the gate. He gave way so easily. And we did all have to keep together, and that included now Zebedee and his people, and also Elizabeth and Little John, and cousins whose names I didn’t remember.

At last we entered the gates, and to my surprise found ourselves in a huge tunnel. I could barely see the beautiful decorations all around us. The prayers of the people echoed off the roof and the walls. I joined in the prayers, but mostly I just looked around myself, and felt the breath taken out of me again, just as surely as when Eleazer had kicked me hard and I couldn’t breathe.

Finally, we came out into the great open space inside the first court of the Temple and it seemed that everyone shouted at once.

Far, far away on either side of us were the columns of the roofed porches and in between people went on forever, and before us, there rose up high the wall of the Sanctuary. And the people on top of the roofs were so tiny that I couldn’t even make out their faces so big was this holy place.

I could hear and smell the animals that were gathered at the far porches, the animals offered for sale for sacrifice, and the noise of everybody rose in my ears.

But the whole feeling of the crowd changed. Everyone was happy to be here. All the children were laughing with happiness.

The sunshine was bright as it had never been in the tight streets of the city. The air was sweet and fresh.

I heard the sound of horses, too, not the hooves, but the whinnying of horses being pulled up short, and I heard shouting.

But for the moment, I was lost in looking ahead at the shining walls in front of me that enclosed the courts of the men and the women. I was too little to be taken to the court of the men. I would be staying with the women today, I knew. But I’d be able to see the men as they were sprinkled with the first purification for Passover.

All of it was such a wonder to me, and the wonder of being inside it was beyond any words in me to describe it. I knew full well there were people around me from all over the Empire who had come to be here today and it was as wonderful as we had hoped it would be. Cleopas had lived to be here. Cleopas had lived to be purified and to eat the Passover meal with us. Maybe Cleopas would live to go home.

It was our Temple and it was God’s Temple and it seemed so splendid that we could enter it and come so close to God’s presence.

There were many many men running on top of the far-away porches. And men on other roofs, but they were tiny as I said, and I couldn’t hear them though I knew they were shouting by the way their arms moved in the air.

Suddenly, we were pushed this way and that. I thought Joseph would fall but he didn’t.

A huge cry went up from the crowd.

People broke into shouting and women screamed. I think the children were thrilled. I was still on Joseph’s shoulders, and we were packed in so tight that he couldn’t move.

For the first time I saw at the far left many armed soldiers on horseback coming right towards us through the crowd. We were all swept backwards as if the crowd were water and then forwards, and my mother and my aunt Mary were screaming and Little Salome was screaming and reaching out to me but we were too far apart for me to catch her hand.

Most everyone around us was shouting in Aramaic, but many were shouting in Greek.

“Get out, get out,” men shouted. But there was no way to move. I could hear the bleating of the sheep suddenly, as if someone had made all the animals run. Then came the bellow of the cows or the oxen—a dreadful sound.

The soldiers were coming closer and closer to us, and they had their spears raised. There was no way to move.

Then out of nowhere stones began to fly.

Everyone was screaming. I saw one soldier struck by many stones before he fell from his horse. Hands pulled at him and he went down into the crowd. A man in a robe and mantle scrambled up on the horse and began to fight with another soldier, and the soldier stabbed the man twice in the belly with his sword. The blood just gushed out of him.