"I think it would take a saint to love God under the circumstances," Father Mulrooney said. "And in the forty years I taught at Vincent de Paul, I never once came across a seventeen-year-old saint. If you're guilty of anything, Mr. Morales, it's the sin of pride. Your sufferings are no worse than anyone else's and your guilt is certainly no greater. You're a young man who has set very high goals for himself and has worked hard all his life to achieve those goals. I appreciate that. I wish I had had more students like you. But now your goal must be to stay alive, to keep your sisters alive. Christ understands suffering. His heart is filled with love for you. He asks only that your suffering bring you closer in understanding to His. If God wanted a world filled with saints, He never would have created adolescence. There now. Have I been too easy?"

Alex wiped away tears. "I don't know," he said, trying to smile. "What's my penance?"

"Go to chapel and pray for humility," Father Mulrooney said. "Pray that you may accept the fact you're only seventeen and cannot understand all that is happening. Offer Christ your gratitude that you and your sisters have lived to see this day. But you must mean the words. God will know it if you don't. He can forgive anger, but He has no love for hypocrisy."

"Yes, Father," Alex said.

"And do something that will make your sisters happy," Father Mulrooney said. "Their joy will be a true gift to God and His gift to you."

Alex nodded. He made his act of contrition and listened as Father Mulrooney gave his sacramental absolution.

There were two boys in chapel silently praying when he got there. Alex genuflected at the cross, then knelt in one of the pews. Forgive me for the sin of pride, he prayed. Forgive me for ever thinking I can do what I must alone, without Your guidance and Your love.

Tuesday, September 20

"Julie, could you go into Mami's room and redo the list of everything that's there?" Alex asked after school. "The blankets, the coats, the batteries. Make one list for blankets, one for clothing, and one for everything else. Don't leave anything out."

"Why can't Bri do that when we're in school?" Julie asked."

"Because I asked you to," Alex said. "Now, please."

Julie scowled, but she carried her notebook and pen into Mami's bedroom. Alex gestured to Bri to join him in the kitchen.

"Julie's birthday's coming," he whispered. "How about a surprise party for her?"

"Can we do that?" Bri asked. "A real party: Should we?"

Alex grinned. "We can and we should," he said. "But I can't do it on my own. I know you got cheated out of a birthday party, so I hope you don't mind making one for Julie."

"I'd love to," Bri said. "Oh, Alex! A real party. Can we have boys?"

"Would Julie like that?" Alex asked.

Bri rolled her eyes.

"I'll find the boys, then," Alex said. "Just tell me what you think I should do, and I'll do what I can to make it happen."

Friday, September 30

"Come on," Alex said to Julie. "Let's get going."

"But it's my birthday," Julie whined. "I don't want to have to go to church on my birthday."

"Julie," Alex said. "You know Mami always went to St. Margaret's on all our birthdays to say a special thank-you to Jesus and Mary. We need to light a candle for her and Papi and Carlos. Stop dawdling."

"Is Bri going?" Julie asked.

Briana shook her head. "I'll stay home and prepare a special birthday dinner for you," she replied. "It isn't every day a girl becomes a teenager."

"We'll be back in an hour or so," Alex said. "Come on, Julie. Scarf and gloves."

Julie sighed. "I never had to wear a scarf and gloves on my birthday before." But she put them on and followed Alex out of the apartment, onto the street.

The two of them walked silently the few blocks to the church, Julie in full sulk mode and Alex with his mind elsewhere. They walked in, took off their gloves, dipped their fingers in the holy water, made the sign of the cross, genuflected to the crucifix, then found a pew and knelt in prayer.

He glanced at Julie, now thirteen. She was still a child, but in some ways she seemed older than Briana. He doubted she'd kept the simple faith that Bri had managed in spite of everything. Julie was always angrier, always less content, and nothing over the past few months had changed that. It was unfair of him to compare his sisters, he knew, and it was especially unfair of him to expect the horrors they were now enduring to make Julie a sweeter, gentler person. Especially since she hadn't been a sweet, gentle person to begin with.

Alex grinned. He wouldn't want to live with two Julies, but it was just as well there was one of them sharing the miseries. He tapped her gently on her shoulder, and gestured for them to get up. They walked to the candles, so few now, and lit one. Alex prayed for all those who were gone, and his prayers were heartfelt.

As they walked back to the apartment, Alex thought of all the things he should be saying to Julie. Lessons about being a woman, lectures on doing well in school and making Mami and Papi proud. But none of the words wanted to come out, and he allowed himself to remain silent.

"Are there more bodies than there used to be?" Julie asked as they reached West End Avenue. "Even more than last week, I mean."

"I don't think more people are dying," Alex replied, saddened that even on his sister's birthday, death intruded. "I just think they're picking up the bodies less often."

"That's not good," Julie said. "More rats. I hate the rats."

"Don't think of them today," Alex said. "It's your birthday. Think happy thoughts."

"I'll try," Julie said. "I am trying, Alex. I really am. It's just so hard."

"I know," he said. "Come on. Let's see what kind of feast Briana whipped up for you." He unlocked the outside door, and then the door to their apartment.

"SURPRISE!"

"What!" Julie shouted. "Oh, Alex!" She hugged her brother, and then ran to Bri and embraced her as well.

Alex grinned. Everyone was there: Kevin, James, and Tony, Julie's friends Brittany and Lauren, and Lather Mulrooney. The soft glow of candlelight illuminated the yellow crepe paper hanging in the doorways, and the big happy birthday, julie! sign on the blanket covering the living room window.

It was funny, Alex thought, as he shook everyone's hands and thanked them for coming. He'd never invited his classmates over, since he'd always been a little ashamed of where he lived. He wasn't the only scholarship student at Vincent de Paul, but the guys he wanted to impress, the Chris Flynns of his school, all had money and parents with position. But thanks to what was happening, money no longer counted for anything. Position, except in the highest ranks, was a thing of the past. They were all truly equal in the eyes of Cod and man, and his apartment at least had the advantage of not requiring anyone to walk up ten flights of stairs.

He made a special point of thanking Lather Mulrooney. How proud Mami would be to have a priest, the acting head of St. Vincent de Paul Academy, chaperoning her daughter's party.

"I'm glad you invited me, Alex," Father Mulrooney replied. "It's good to see young faces smiling again."

Julie certainly was smiling. Alex couldn't remember the last time she'd been so happy, if she ever had. She'd been born scowling. But now her face was radiant with joy.

"I brought a portable CD player," Tony said. "I thought we might dance."

The four girls giggled. The boys pushed the furniture to the side of the room, creating a dance floor of sorts. The CD that Tony put on was filled with the music of the previous spring, songs that made Alex feel young again. James asked Julie to dance, Kevin asked Bri, Tony asked Brittany, and Alex asked Lauren. None of the boys were particularly good dancers, but the girls didn't seem to mind. Alex had invited James and Tony not merely because they were two of the guys he was most friendly with but because they were two of the better-looking guys left in his school. Not that looks seemed to matter. With four boys and four girls, they all took turns dancing with each other. Even Lather Mulrooney got into the act, gamely dancing with Julie.