“So now the truth, yah?”

“Okay, but you don’t need to get so bent out of shape. The truth is that although you are the dearest woman alive-a surrogate mother to me and my best friend-at least of your generation-you do engage in a fair amount of-Well, shall we say ‘news sharing’?”

The Coke-bottle-bottom glasses fixated on me. Thank Heaven the lenses were so greasy I couldn’t see her eyes.

“What?”

“Tongue wagging, dear.”

“Like a dog?”

“Like a woman who gossips. Loose lips sink ships, et cetera. You have a heart of gold, dear, but you just can’t help yourself from sharing with your friends. If I tell you today where our precious one is, by tomorrow at this time all of Hernia will know, and half of Somerset. Besides”-I lowered my voice to a whisper-“these walls have ears.”

Freni slowly wiped her hands on her apron as the truth hit home, as surely it must.

“I quit,” she said after a dramatic pause.

“Okay. But please take the apron home and wash it before you bring it back. Remember that dinner is a half hour early tonight because the gang wants to drive into Pittsburgh to see some movie. Now there’s an opportunity to engage the Devil if you ask me.”

“No, Magdalena, I really quit.”

“Yes, Freni,” I said patiently. “Just be sure that you’re back in time to make dinner.”

She untied her apron and, and covered as it was with sugar, flour, and cinnamon, she folded it neatly and laid it theatrically in the center of my rough-hewn kitchen table. Then, without saying another word, she got her coat and started walking home.

I would have run after her-eventually-and made amends. At the very least I would have sent Gabriel to give her a ride home, had I not been so rudely imposed upon. Besides, Freni was taking the shortcut to her farm that led through the woods, and it was only a footpath, unsuitable for automobile travel. By the way, those were the same woods in which I’d once lain in a bush, from whence I’d untied one of Freni’s shoelaces as she passed in front of me. (I’ve long been of the mind that if a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, then surely a hand in the bush is quite desirable.)

But I digress. My day had only gotten worse by the sudden appearance of Mother Malaise. In addition to being Mother Superior at the Convent of the Sisters of Perpetual Apathy, she’s my husband’s mother, which makes her my mother- in-law, so one might say that Ida is the mother of all-Well, I won’t say it, because I’ve been practicing loving-kindness as of late. If I do say so myself, this effort at self-improvement has really paid off.

“It’s you,” I groaned, having opened the door to some fierce pounding.

“So now you lock zee door on me?”

“Melvin’s on the prowl in these parts again; I suggest you do the same over there at the Funny Farm.”

Ida wagged a finger so close to my nose that it trimmed a few hairs. “Eet eez a convent, not a farm, und you should be so lucky to join. But enough about dis; I vant to know vhere my grandson eez.”

“So you heard already?”

“Of course! Vhere do you tink I leef? In zee shtetl?”

“Uh-”

“My Gabeleh told me. Who else? But not to vorry. I haf not told a soul; I am zee model of eendeescreshion.”

I smiled generously. “I’m sure you are, dear. But I’m not telling anyone-and neither is your son telling anyone. Even Freni’s being kept in the dark. As a matter of fact, she quit over it.”

“Und your friend?”

I offered her a face as bland as noodles on mashed potatoes, which, I hear, is a Hoosier delicacy. “Which friend, dear? There’s Gwen, Mignon, Kay, Georgia Ann, Daisy, Carolyn, Gene, Janie, Janet-”

“Ugh-uh-nuss.”

“Excuse me.

“Zee von mitt zee naked brodders. Ughuhnuss.”

“That would be Agnes. And what she knows is only on a need-to-know basis.”

Even a wolverine will stop digging if you pave over the wilderness. Sadly those animals are quitters compared to Ida. She glared at me and rubbed her shoulders with hands the size of tea bags while she considered her next move. The woman is tiny-or she would be tiny, were it not for Dollyesque bosoms, which even the nastiest of habits couldn’t hide.

“Nu,” she said at last, “eet eez gut that you protect my grandson, but who vill protect dis Agnes und her meshuggeneh brodders? Eef Melvin tinks dat dey know too much, und dey leef out in zee boonies by demselves-den boom, he vill kill them, yust like I kill de rats in my barn mitt zee firecrackers I buy at Crazy Joe’s down in Maryland.”

“But you don’t have a barn over there anymore; you converted it into dorm rooms for pseudo-postulants, who pensively postulate apostasy in part due to only partial alliteration.”

“Boom!” This time Ida mimed an explosion.

“All right, all right,” I said. “Perhaps you have a point. I’ll talk to Agnes about seeking safety in numbers. But while I’m on the subject, Ida, I have a suspicion that one of your de facto dingalings is spying on me.”

She blinked. “Vhat are my dingalings?”

“Your self-proclaimed, so-called sisters. How nuts is it to join a group wherein the only common bond is apathy? That means as soon as you start to care about the group, or even just another individual, you no longer qualify for admission.”

“Und?”

“Und? That’s all you have to say?”

“Vhy should I care vhat happens to the group?”

“But you’re their Mother Superior!”

“So?”

“Come on, even you can’t be that apathetic! Besides, you seem to care about what happens to the Mishlers.”

“Zee Mishlers vas only a suggestion. So now I tell you a secret: I care about my grandson, and my Gabeleh, of course.” She paused to look studiously at a zigzag crack in the kitchen floor. “Und mebbe you.”

“Does that warm the cockles of my heart, or what?” I cried. “Let me clasp thee to my bosom from henceforth and forevermore!”

Ida could move like a prizefighter-I should know; I’ve had a few of them stay here at my inn. And ’twas true: she could float like a butterfly, whilst stinging like a bee, and after a few stings, I decided to let go of her and leave well enough alone. It was nice knowing that she cared. In fact, silly me. Having a mother- in-law who cared from a distance, and from beneath the cloak-literally and figuratively-of apathy, was really the ideal situation.

I patted her wimple fondly. “When it’s safe to tell you where the little shaver is, you’ll be the first to know, Idaleh.”

1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened

1¼ cups firmly packed light brown sugar

1 cup granulated sugar

1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

1 teaspoon salt

2 large eggs

2 cups all-purpose flour

1½ teaspoons baking powder

1 cup shredded unsweetened coconut

1 cup candied ginger pieces, diced

4 cups crispy rice cereal

Optional: 2 tablepoons sesame seeds

Preheat oven to 350°F.

In a mixing bowl, beat together butter, sugars, vanilla and salt until light and fluffy. Add eggs one at a time and beat until smooth.

In a separate bowl, whisk together the flour and baking powder. Add the flour mixture to the butter mixture and beat until blended. Stir in coconut, ginger, and cereal, mixing until just blended. Using a teaspoon, drop the dough onto parchment-lined cookie sheets about ½ inch apart. Sprinkle the top of each cookie with sesame seeds, if desired.