"So what?" I would say.

“Well, don't you think it would be good to have a friend when you need one? You might be so god-damned helpless you'd be glad to have some one help you across the street. You think these guys are worthless; you think I'm wasting my time with them. Listen, you never know what a man might do for you some day. Nobody gets anywhere alone…”

He was touchy about my independence, what he called my indifference. If I was obliged to ask him for a little dough he was delighted. That gave him a chance to deliver a little sermon on friendship. “So you have to have money, too?” he'd say, with a big satisfied grin spreading all over his face. “So the poet has to eat too? Well, well… It's lucky you came to me. Henry me boy, because I'm easy with you, I know you, you heartless son of a bitch. Sure, what do you want? I haven't got very much, but I'll split it with you. That's fair enough, isn't it? Or do you think, you bastard, that maybe I ought to give you it all and go out and borrow something for myself? I suppose you want a good meal, eh? Ham and Eggs wouldn't be good enough, would it? I suppose you'd like me to drive you to the restaurant too, eh? Listen, get up from that chair a minute – I want to put a cushion under your ass. Well, well, so you're broke! Jesus, you're always broke -1 never remember seeing you with money in your pocket. Listen, don't you ever feel ashamed of yourself? You talk about those bums I hang out with . . . well listen, mister, those guys never come and bum me for a dime like you do. They've got more pride – they'd rather steal it than come and grub it off me. But you, shit, you're full of high-falutin' ideas, you want to reform the world and all that crap – you don't want to work for money, no, not you . . . you expect somebody to hand it to you on a silver platter. Huh! Lucky there's guys like me around that understand you. You need to get wise to yourself. Henry. You're dreaming. Everybody wants to eat, don't you know that? Most people are willing to work for it – they don't lie in bed all day like you and then suddenly pull on their pants and run to the first friend at hand. Supposing I wasn't here, what would you have done? Don't answer… I know what you're going to say. But listen, you can't go on all your life like that. Sure you talk fine – it's a pleasure to listen to you. You're the only guy I know that I really enjoy talking to, but where's it going to get you? One of these days they'll lock you up for vagrancy. You're just a bum, don't you know that? You're not even as good as those other bums you preach about. Where are you when I'm in a jam? You can't be found. You don't answer my letters, you don't answer the telephone, you even hide sometimes when I come to see you. Listen, I know – you don't have to explain to me. I know you don't want to hear my stories all the time. But shit, sometimes I really have to talk to you. A fucking lot you care though. So long as you're out of the rain and putting another meal under your belt you're happy. You don't think about your friends – until you're desperate. That's no way to behave, is it ? Say no and I'll give you a buck. God-damn it. Henry, you're the only real friend I've got but you're a son of a bitch of a mucker if I know what I'm talking about. You're just a born good for nothing son of a bitch. You'd rather starve than turn your hand to something useful…”

Naturally I'd laugh and hold my hand out for the buck he had promised me. That would irritate him afresh. “You're ready to say anything aren't you, if only I give you the buck I promised you? What a guy! Talk about morals – Jesus, you've got the ethics of a rattlesnake. No, I'm not giving it to you yet, by Christ. I'm going to torture you a little more first. I'm going to make you earn this money, if I can. Listen what about shining my shoes – do that for me, will you? They'll never get shined if you don't do it now.” I pick up the shoes and ask him for the brush. I don't mind shining his shoes, not in the least. But that too seems to incense him. “You're going to shine them, are you? Well by Jesus, that beats all hell. Listen, where's your pride – didn't you ever have any? And you're the guy that knows everything. It's amazing. You know so god-damned much that you have to shine your friend's shoes to worm a meal out of him. A fine pickle! Here, you bastard, here's the brush! Shine the other pair too while you're at it.”

A pause. He's washing himself at the sink and humming a bit. Suddenly, in a bright, cheerful tone – “How is it out today, Henry? Is it sunny? Listen, I've got just the place for you. What do you say to scallops and bacon with a little tartare sauce on the side? It's a little joint down near the inlet. A day like today is just the day for scallops and bacon, eh what, Henry? Don't tell me you've got something to do … if I haul you down there you've got to spend a little time with me, you know that, don't you? Jesus, I wish I had your disposition. You just drift along, from minute to minute. Sometimes I think you're a damned sight better off than any of us, even if you are a stinking son of a bitch and a traitor and a thief. When I'm with you the day seems to pass like a dream. Listen, don't you see what I mean when I say I've got to see you sometimes? I go nuts being all by myself all the time. Why do I go chasing around after cunt so much? Why do I play cards all night? Why do I hang out with those bums from the Point? I need to talk to some one, that's what.”

A little later at the bay, sitting out over the water, with a shot of rye in him and waiting for the sea food to be served up … “Life's not so bad if you can do what you want, eh Henry? If I make a little dough I'm going to take a trip around the world – and you're coming along with me. Yes, though you don't deserve it, I'm going to spend some real money on you one day. I want to see how you'd act if I gave you plenty of rope. I'm going to give you the money, see… I won't pretend to lend it to you. We'll see what'll happen to your fine ideas when you have some dough in your pocket. Listen, when I was talking about Plato the other day I meant to ask you something: I meant to ask you if you ever read that yam of his about Atlands. Did you? You did? Well, what do you think of it? Do you think it was just a yam, or do you think there might have been a place like that once?”

I didn't dare to tell him that I suspected there were hundreds and thousands of continents whose existence past or future we hadn't even begun to dream about, so I simply said I thought it quite possible indeed that such a place as Atlanris might once have been.

“Well, it doesn't matter much one way or the other, I suppose,” he went on, “but I'll tell you what I think. I think there must have been a time like that once, a time when men were different. I can't believe that they always were the pigs they are now and have been for the last few thousand years. I think it's just possible that there was a time when men knew how to live, when they knew how to take it easy and to enjoy life. Do you know what drives me crazy? It's looking at my old man. Ever since he's retired he sits in front of the fire all day long and mopes. To sit there like a broken-down gorilla, that's what he slaved for all his life. Well shit, if I thought that was going to happen to me I'd blow my brains out now. Look around you … look at the people we know … do you know one that's worth while? What's all the fuss about, I'd like to know? We've got to live, they say. Why ? that's what I want to know. They'd all be a damned sight better off dead. They're all just so much manure. When the war broke out and I saw them go off to the trenches I said to myself good, maybe they'll come back with a little sense! A lot of them didn't come back, of course. But the others! – listen, do you suppose they got more human, more considerate? Not at all! They're all butchers at heart, and when they're up against it they squeal. They make me sick, the whole fucking lot of 'em. I see what they're like, bailing them out every day. I see it from both sides of the fence. On the other side it stinks even worse. Why, if I told you some of the things I knew about the judges who condemn these poor bastards you'd want to slug them. All you have to do is look at their faces. Yes sir. Henry, I'd like to think there was once a time when things were different. We haven't seen any real life – and we're not going to see any. This thing is going to last another few thousand years, if I know anything about it. You think I'm mercenary. You think I'm cuckoo to want to earn a lot of money, don't you? Well I'll tell you, I want to earn a little pile so that I can get my feet out of this muck. I'd go off and live with a nigger wench if I could get away from this atmosphere. I've worked my balls off trying to get where I am, which isn't very far. I don't believe in work any more than you do -1 -was trained that way, that's all. If I could put over a deal, if I could swindle a pile out of one of these dirty bastards I'm dealing with, I'd do it with a dear conscience. I know a little too much about the law, that's the trouble. But I'll fool them yet, you'll see. And when I put it over I'll put it over big…”