The guard climbed onto the cart beside a snoring casualty. “Seventeen years old! Can you imagine what she’s gonna be like when she grows up?”
“Jocks like you shouldn’t have an imagination. It gets in the way of the game-plan.” The medic gunned the cart down the corridor upward the sound of distant laughter and shouting. Outside in the arena, the cheering had stopped.
CHAPTER FIVE
“Try again, Elizabeth.”
She concentrated all of her mind’s strength on the projective sense, what there was left of it. Hyperventilating and with heart racing, she strained until she seemed to be floating free of the chair.
Project from the plaque in front of you:
SMILE-GREETING. TO YOU KWONG CHUN-MEI THERAPIST FROM ELIZABETH ORME FARSPEAKER. IF I HAD THE WINGS OF AN ANGEL OVER THESE PRISON WALLS I WOULD FLY. ENDS.
“Try again, Elizabeth.”
She did. Again and again and again. Send that ironic little message that she had chosen herself. (A sense of humor is evidence of personality integration.) Send it. Send it.
The door to the booth opened and Kwong came in at last “I’m sorry, Elizabeth, but I still don’t get a flicker.”
“Not even the smile?”
“I’m sorry. Not yet. There are no images at all, only the simple carrier. Look, dear, why don’t we wrap it up for today? The vital-signs monitor has you in the yellow. You really need more rest, more time to heal. You’re trying too hard.”
Elizabeth Orme leaned back and pressed her fingers to her aching temples. “Why do we keep up the pretense, Chun-Mei? We know there is slightly better than zip probability that I’ll ever function as a metapsychic again. The tank did a beautiful job of putting me back together after the accident. No scars, no aberrations. I’m a fine, normal, healthy specimen of female humanity. Normal. And that’s all, folks.”
“Elizabeth…” The therapist’s eyes were filled with compassion. “Give yourself a chance. It was almost a complete neo-cortical regeneration. We don’t understand why you didn’t regain your metafunctions together with your other mental faculties, but given time and work, you may very well recover.”
“No one with my sort of injury ever has.”
“No,” came the reluctant admission. “But there is hope and we must keep trying to get through. You’re still one of us, Elizabeth. We want you operant again no matter how long it takes. But you must keep trying.”
Keep trying to teach a blind woman to see the three full moons of Denali. Keep trying to teach a deaf woman to appreciate Bach, or a tongueless one to sing Bellini. Oh, yes.
“You’re a good friend, Chun-Mei, and God knows you’ve worked hard with me. But it would be healthier if I just accepted the loss. After all, think of the billions of ordinary people who live happy and fulfilling lives without any metapsychic functions at all I simply must adapt to a new perspective.”
Give up the memory of the mind’s angel wings lost. Be happy inside the prison walls of my own skull. Forget the beautiful Unity, the synergy, the exultant bridging from world to world, the never-afraid warmth of companion souls, the joy of leading child-metas to full operancy. Forget the dear identity of dead Lawrence. Oh, yes.
Kwong hesitated. “Why don’t you follow Czarneki’s advice and take a good long vacation on some warm peaceful world? Tuamotu. Riviera. Tamiami. Even Old Earth! When you return we can begin again with simple pictorials.”
“That might be just the thing for me, Chun-Mei.” But the slight emphasis wasn’t lost on the therapist, whose lips tightened in concern. Kwong did not speak, fearing to cause even deeper pain.
Elizabeth put on her fur-lined cloak and peered through the drapes covering the office window. “Good grief, just look how the storm has picked up! I’d be a fool not to grab at a chance to escape this Denali winter. I hope my poor egg will start. It was the only one in the transport pool this morning and it’s very nearly ready for the scrap heap.”
Like its driver.
The therapist followed Elizabeth Orme to the door and placed one hand on her shoulder in impulsive empathy. Projecting peace. Projecting hope. “You’re not to lose courage. You owe it to yourself and to the entire metacommunity to keep on trying. Your place is with us.”
Elizabeth smiled. It was a tranquil face with only a few fine lines about the corners of the eyes, stigmata of deep emotion subsequent to the regeneration that had restored her broken forty-four-year-old body to the perfection of young adulthood. As easily as a crayfish grows new limbs, she had grown new cells to replace smashed arms and rib cage and pelvis, lungs and heart and abdominal organs, shattered bone and gray matter of her skull and forebrain. The regeneration had been virtually perfect, so the doctors had said. Oh, yes.
She gave the therapist’s hand a gentle squeeze. “Goodbye, Chun-Mei. Until the next time.”
Never, never again.
She went out into the snow, ankle-deep already. The illuminated office windows of the Denali Institute of Metapsychology made squarish golden patterns on the white quadrangle. Frank, the custodian, gave her a wave as he plied a shovel along the walk. The melting system must have broken down again. Good old Denali.
She would not be coming back to the Institute where she had worked for so many years, first as a student, then as counseling farspeaker and redactor, finally as patient. The continuing pain of deprivation was more than her sanity could bear, and Elizabeth was basically a practical woman. It was time for something completely different.
Filled with purpose, clutching the hood of her cloak closely about her head, she headed for the egg park. As was her custom now, she moved her lips as she prayed.
“Blessed Diamond Mask, guide me on my way to Exile.”
CHAPTER SIX
Admitting the Human race to the Galactic Milieu in advance of its sociopolitical maturation had been risky. Even after the first metaphysic human threat to Milieu security had been put down by the venerated Jack and Illusio, there persisted stubborn evidence of humanity’s original sin.
People such as Aiken Drum.
Aiken was one of those peculiar personalities who drive behavior modification specialists to distraction. He was normally chromosomed. His brain was undamaged, undiseased, and of superior intelligence quotient. It was crammed with latent metafunctions that might, in due time, be coaxed into operancy. His childhood nurturing on the newly founded colony of Dalriada was no different from that of the other thirty thousand nonborns who were engendered from the sperm and ova of carefully selected Scottish forebears.
But Aiken had been different from the rest of the batch. He was a natural crook.
Despite the love of surrogate parents, the devotion of skilled teachers, and the inevitable corrective courses administered almost continuously throughout his stormy adolescence, Aiken stubbornly dung to his destined path of knavery. He stole. He lied. He cheated when he felt he could get away with it. He took joy in breaking the rules and was contemptuous of peers with normal psychosocial orientation.
“The subject Aiken Drum,” summarized his personality inventory, “displays a fundamental dysfunction in the imaginative sense. He is essentially flawed in his ability to perceive the social and personal consequences of his own actions and is self-centered to a deleterious degree. He has proved resistant to all techniques of moral impression.”
But Aiken Drum was charming. And Aiken Drum had a roguish sense of humor. And Aiken Drum, for all his rascal ways, was a natural leader. He was clever with his hands and ingenious in dreaming up new ways to outrage the established order, so his contemporaries tended to view him as a shadow hero. Even Dalriada’s adults, harried by the awesome task of raising an entire generation of test-tube colonists to populate an empty new world, had to laugh at some of his enormities.