I love you, baby. Don’t hurt me too badly.

She depressed the keypad. Raised her eyes to meet Mark’s. Wondered if she looked as terrified as he did. Ideal knew she felt it.

Chapter Thirty

“I feel like a total idiot,” Jay said.

Mark paused and glanced up from where he was tying the big bows that adorned Jay’s glittering boots.

“I’m sure the Doc feels a lot worse.”

“I hope it’s a long labor. I hope that little asshole…”

Jay couldn’t think of anything awful enough to equal the humiliation he was about to undergo. Grimacing, he faced the mirror again.

He felt as if he were doing a Fruit of the Loom commercial, only in this version he got to be a cherry bonbon. He had been padded to help sell the idea he was one of the Tarhiji. Though why it was necessary, he couldn’t imagine. The stupid suit alone made him look like a balloon. Layer on layer of pink and rose and cherry and orange and white. Each layer falling free with the pull of a ribbon. He trailed more streamers than a New Year’s Eve party the morning after.

Meadows removed this thing from a box and headed toward him. Jay dodged, tottered and teetered on his high-heeled boots. His first impression had been correct, it was a hat – like a cross between a poke bonnet and a propeller beanie. His awkward bobble had cost him. Meadows managed to plop the thing like a roosting gooney bird onto his head and tied the bow rakishly under one ear.

That was it. Jay went on strike. He dropped into a chair, folded his arms mulishly. “I’m not wearing the hat.”

“With that hat on do you think anybody will look at your face?”

Why did Meadows always have to be so goddamn reasonable?

“Does Cillka always tart her toys up like this?”

“She has a reputation for enjoying opening a man like a Christmas present. Pull a string, another layer falls away.”

Jay smirked. “Maybe with enough practice I could train Willy to spring through my fly like a jack-in-the-box. Bet Cillka’d like that.”

Meadows flushed a dull red. Jay savored the moment. Meadows unfortunately bounced back. Reaching into a pocket, he emerged with a silver-filigreed object too big to be a ring, too small for a bracelet. The other ace twirled it lightly around one long index finger.

“Well, whip it out.”

“What?”

“Don’t brag if you can’t produce.” Mark forced it into Jay’s hand and folded the detective’s fingers around it. “Now put it on.”

“Are you telling me that I have to thread my dick through that?”

“Yes.”

“No.” Curiosity got the better of him. “And why?”

“It means you’re sterile.”

“What? They’re going to inspect?”

“They might.”

Jay turned away, groped through the layers, pulled himself free. The ring settled snugly just behind the head of his cock. “Three hundred bucks a day is not enough.”

With total ennui the guards at the door glanced at his penis and waved him through.

“What a swell job,” Jay gritted. “Like the V.D. patrol in the army. These guys must get really sick of inspecting penises -”

“Even as sterling a representative as yours?”

“Shut up. Now if they got to check out the women -”

“They do.”

Jay forced his mouth closed. “Where do they get to look?”

“The left nipple is pierced.”

“Oww… Wait a minute, why are women coming into a harem?”

“Takisian boys don’t leave until they’re fourteen. Also,” Mark gave the shorter man an ironic glance. “Takisians aren’t as fucked up about sex as we are, man.”

Jay tried to picture Tisianne – male or female – in the midst of a lesbian orgy. Found it wasn’t that hard a stretch. Now that he was actually inside the forbidden zone, Jay found it wasn’t all that exciting. That wasn’t to say that the women weren’t exciting. Whatever else might be said about the psi lords of Takis, they sure as hell bred Miss America beauty queens. Unfortunately, an awful lot of them had shapes more reminiscent of overstuffed armchairs than bathing beauties… but those faces. Maybe it was just the result of an overactive imagination, but Jay felt as if he were being damned with every look. He was glad they thought he was a eunuch. A fertile man might be in danger of his life.

“Are they ever not pregnant?” Jay whispered.

Meadows looked at him in surprise. “Most of the time. Otherwise they’d be up to their eyebrows in baby Ilkazams.” Mark eyed him shrewdly. “You’re disappointed.”

“I guess I was expecting the shiver of beaded curtains, eunuchs slipping past with poisoned goblets, or on some secret mission -”

“Don’t we qualify?”

Meadows had him there. The tall ace paused at a door and lightly knocked. Cillka answered. Quick assuring nods were exchanged.

“Right, then.” When she smiled, she had a habit of catching her lower lip between her teeth. It gave her a vixenish, impish look. Reaching out, she tugged a ribbon. The embroidered vest released and slithered to the floor. “All in working order.”

Taking Jay by the lapels, she tugged him through the door. It didn’t take much urging. “You.” A light finger to Meadows’s chest. “Better get around to Tis.”

“Is she all right?” Alarm quickened the normally hesitant voice.

“Fine… well, as good as can be expected.” Mark stood in the hail like an orphaned puppy. “We’re monitoring. I’ll have our magician to the suite when Tis gives the word.”

Meadows wandered disconsolately away. Cillka turned that smile back on Jay, pushed the door closed with a suggestive wrist flick. Jay’s mouth went dry.

“Disrobe, dear one, while I get dressed,” she said.

“I thought the idea was to undress.”

Her head snapped around. “You’re not neutered. I would never consider it. I am Zal’hma at’ Irg of the House Ilkazam. I do not mix my blood with that of inferior beings.”

And suddenly she wasn’t so beautiful anymore. Jay’s ardor dropped like his softening penis. He dropped into a chair muttering, “’Scuse me, massa, for a minute there I almost forgot I was a nigger.”

“How you doin’?”

Tis paused in her slow, careful pacing back and forth across her suite. “Not too badly.” In a dry, pedantic tone she added, “Did you know the average labor lasts sixteen hours?”

“Don’t be clinical, talk to me.”

“And what should I tell you? It hurts? Well, it hurts. I know it is going to hurt a hell of a lot more before very much longer.”

“So should we go now?” Mark was nervously wringing his hands. Tis wanted to scream at him to stop it.

“No, it has to be hard labor.” She gripped her elbows, walked again. “I would not wish to impose upon the hospitality of Jay’s lady for too long.”

“You’re really weird, man, when you get all Takisian and toplofty.” Mark moved to her, placed his hand on her shoulders. “What is it you’re really saying? Really feeling?”

Lightly she traced the bony arch of his beaky nose. “This woman is my subject. The first I’ve been permitted to see since my return. And I’m embarrassed. I come to her rolling in the straw like a birthing farm animal. Ideal take it, I’m her prince. How can I rule her without her respect?”

“What makes you think you’re going to lose it? Jeez, Doc, there’s not many men who’d do what you have to protect their child.”

“Most men don’t end up in such a ludicrous position.”

“Doc, if you were an ace, getting into weird scrapes is, like, definitely your superpower.”

“How very disheartening. Where do I go to cash it in?”

Her breath suddenly seemed to get pinned somewhere between chest and mouth as a particularly sharp contraction rippled through her belly. There was a nervous, questioning blast of confusion from Illyana. Tis wanted to scream at the infant to wait. I’m not ready yet. Do we have to do this? But the body, urged by the drugs, had begun its autonomic function. Neither of them could back out now.