'A soldier can't let fear rule his life,' Carel said. 'Fear tells you you're still alive. Without it you'll be dead damn quick, that I promise, but if it's fear guiding your horse you're riding straight to the ivory gates.'

My host of fears, all waiting in my shadow, Isak thought. I think you're right, I've been letting fear play my hand for me, so perhaps it is time that changed.

Isak turned back towards the warmth of the Great Hall and draped an arm over Carel's shoulder. 'It's good to have you back.'

The old soldier chuckled as they headed back. 'I'm sure it is; you never did bother to buy your own tobacco. At least give me the damn pipe back, you oversized fool.'

Vesna didn't hear the discreet knock on his apartment door. Slumped in a chair before the fire, he had even forgotten the bandaged wound on his head that nagged constantly. His focus was entirely occupied with the blood-red gem he turned over and over in his hands, feeling the slick surface of the cut faces and watching the light glitter through the stone. He'd never seen a stone like it, but for all its beauty it made him more fearful than anything else. For days now he'd spent hours after everyone else had retired, sitting and staring at the stone. Questions ran through his head, but any answers just slipped off those glassily smooth facets and vanished.

The knock came again, this time louder. Vesna gave a start and sat up, his heart racing as he looked around the room in confusion before realising it was someone at the door. He hauled himself up, tucking the gem into a pocket before he called for the person to come in.

Tila came in, her hair falling loosely about her shoulders and a worried look on her face. She had wrapped a thick blanket around her.

'Damn. Sorry,' he started, 'it's late isn't it?'

Tila nodded. No doubt he didn't look quite at his best, bandaged up and with bags under his eyes from lack of sleep.

'I'd hoped you had just fallen asleep,' she started, 'but I saw the light under the door.'

Vesna crossed over to her and took Tila in his arms. He hugged her close and dropped a kiss on the top of her head. 'I'm sorry,' he started. 'I meant to come to say goodnight, but I hadn't realised how late it was. My mind's all fogged at the moment – this damn cut.' Even in Scree, Vesna had made a point of going to say goodnight to Tila at her bedroom door, and that had continued even after she had moved into Isak's rooms to keep Xeliath company as much as to help her.

'Is it still hurting?' she asked, immediately concerned. 'Do we need to get the healer back up here?'

'No, no,' Vesna said, dismissing the matter with a wave of the hand, 'the stitches need time, nothing more.'

'Then what else is it?' she persisted. 'You've had injuries before -did they always make you act so strangely?'

'I-' Vesna faltered, disarmed by the look on his betrothed's face, and admitting, 'No, this isn't normal.'

'Then tell me what the matter is.' Tila urged him back to his chair and knelt beside it, keeping hold of one of his hands in hers.

'We're to be married in a few weeks; is that the problem? Just a case of nerves?'

Vesna saw in her eyes she didn't believe that for a moment and he didn't even try agreeing. He sighed, realising the time had come. 'No, that's not it, believe me. That is something I could not have happen soon enough.' He squeezed her hand.

'Well?'

'The night I was ambushed,' he started, then paused. 'Tila, there's something I didn't tell you about that night.'

'You were going to that brothel for more than just drink?' she said, trying to smile.

'Gods, no!' he exclaimed with a grimace. 'I wish that were all. No, I meant during the attack. Something happened afterwards, and I've been thinking about it for days, trying to work out what to do.'

'So tell me. There's nothing that could change things between us.' Seeing Vesna wince as she said that, Tila continued sharply, 'Evanelial Vesna, do you think I'm stupid? You've been a professional soldier for twenty years, and I am well aware what that entails, the demands it makes of you. As for the rest, I know you've performed services at Lesarl's com-'

'What?' Vesna spluttered, 'he told you?'

'In a fashion. Oh, don't look so shocked, I'm working alongside the man on a daily basis and I have put a fair amount of thought into marrying you. Did you think that meant I've spent weeks wondering how to do my hair?' Her voice softened. 'My father asked me about a dowry and I didn't have to look very hard to gain an idea of the debts your father left you; there's no way you would have been able to service those debts and pay the College of Magic for your armour.'

'Did you read my file? Do you want me to tell you?'

Tila ran a hand down his cheek. 'No, dearest, I know you; I know the extent of what you would do for the tribe already. I don't need to ask. However unsavoury your reputation might be, no one has ever bothered to claim you gloried or delighted in death. What you did in the past for the good of the tribe is not my place to ask.'

Vesna looked stunned at how easily she'd dismissed the matter. 'Are you sure?' He remembered all too well the look on Tila's face when Isak had announced rather casually that he'd murdered a man the previous evening. 'That's quite a turn-around since Count Vilan's death.'

'Vilan? I'm not saying I like murder, or that I approve of it, but I don't believe you would ever talk about it the way Lord Isak did then.' She shivered. 'His callous streak still catches me off-guard from time to time, but I forgave him that, just as I forgave you your reputation. Do you think I was impressed when Lesarl intentionally left a note from the Keymaster of the Heraldic Library where he knew I'd find it? The note was to confirm that Lord Bahl would approve our marriage if such a thing might occur.'

'The Keymaster of the Heraldic Library?' Vesna wondered aloud. His confusion increased when Tila's expression darkened.

'Keeper of the family trees,' she said in a cold voice. 'Apparently it was not only Sir Arole Pir who Lesarl considered it necessary to confirm his true parentage.'

Vesna opened his mouth to speak but Tila held up a finger to stop him, her face thunderous. 'Trust me; you do not want to continue that conversation any further. It will not end well for you. Just be glad the marriage is still going to happen.'

He nodded dumbly. Suddenly the cut to his head didn't hurt now. It was overshadowed by the cold sensation of dread in his belly.

'Now, tell me about the night you were attacked,' Tila said, perching on the arm of his chair and staring intently at him.

Vesna couldn't meet the force of her stare for long, but he knew not to drag the silence out and began to relate the last few moments of that fight and his conversation with the God of War.

After he had finished, Tila was silent. He chanced a look at her, but could read nothing from her expression as she stared into the fire, digesting the implications of what he'd said.

'This is what you had to tell me before we married. An offer of immortality from the God of War. I can see the dilemma.' Her voice was cool, clinical.

Vesna's dread continued to mount as she left the words hanging in the air. His mouth went suddenly dry.

Abruptly, she stood up and turned to face him. 'My beloved, you are an utter fool.'

The count's mouth dropped open. That wasn't the response he'd been expecting.

'I can see the train of your thoughts now: We are in troubled times, my lord needs a general he can trust; I cannot shake my doubts. What value has there been in all these years of fighting? Have I made a difference? Here I am, a scarred man getting past his prime with nothing but a flawed reputation to show for it. Could this be my chance to do something more worthwhile, to prove to myself that this life and talent weren't wasted? Could this give me the strength I think I've lost, replace the innocence that died on one or other of a hundred battlefields?'