“Does this mean you will try to break my fingers?”

He was still amused! Still grinning! “Not yours, beetlebrain,” she fairly snarled, “I was talking about the next guy I’m dumb enough to think I want. Stars! I just love wasting my breath, I really do!”

“So I must believe, since most of what you have said is patently untrue.”

“All right, I’ll bite. Just what does your barbarian reasoning base that assumption on?”

“You still want me.”

It took a moment for the sheer arrogance behind that statement to hit her. He couldn ‘t know. He was guessing. Even she had been able to ignore what his closeness was doing to her, so how could he know?

“I don-”

“You want me now.”

“No!” she cried.

She took a step back, only to come up against the couch behind her. She was shaking her head, reinforcing the lie. But she didn’t know he could smell her arousal, so it was little wonder he reached for her despite her denial. And once she was enfolded in those massive arms, and those firm lips took fierce possession of hers, there was nothing left to say. She was still shaking her head mentally, but only for her own sorry sake. She did still want the big jerk. Her mind might deplore it, but her body was all too happy to make a fool of her.

Chapter Thirty

It was several hours, and a whole lot of pleasure later, before Tedra was thinking clearly again. But before she could work up any indignation over the way she had been defeated this time, the barbarian was leaning over her on the bed, and there was nothing in the way of amusement about him now. He was languorous. He was sated. Yet his expression was totally serious.

“Thus is it proven,” he said.

She didn’t have to ask what was proven. Injured feelings and wounded pride hadn’t stood up very well next to his kisses; neither had determination, anger, or anything else. She had to face it. She was simply a sucker for a gorgeous body. It was contemptible, deplorable, but there it was, proven without a doubt. She was only surprised Challen wasn’t gloating over it. But he wasn’t. There was no triumph in his expression, only a kind of reluctance to say more, but he did have more to say.

“It is now time for me to speak my thoughts as you have done. I will endeavor to be more truthful in the doing.”

This came with a halfhearted smile, an attempt at gentle teasing, minus the mood for it. She doubted he knew how to really gloat over something, everything was so black and white for him. He was positive in all his beliefs, and that didn’t leave room for doubt or rubbing things into the ground. She wished she could be just half as decisive.

“All right, warrior, I’ll listen,” she said with a sigh. “But first I should point out that the only thing that has been proved is that my body likes sex-sharing. That doesn’t mean I was untruthful in what I said, only that my body doesn’t have its priorities straight just now.”

And right now was a good example, she thought, wishing he’d move away from her if all he wanted to do was talk. He was in full contact with the right side of her body, lying there facing her, she on her back, he on his side and raised up with the support of one arm, so that he seemed to be looming over her. His chest was so wide he’d only have to drop one shoulder to completely cover her upper torso with it, and although his hands weren’t touching her, the one he had resting on his hip had all the pertinent parts of her body within ready reach. The position was distracting, nerve-racking, and cleverly dominating, all of which were likely intentional on his part, forcing her to work twice as hard to concentrate on what he was saying. Resenting his subtle tactics helped her to do that.

“Generally a warrior finds amusement,” he was saying now, “in the sayings and excuses his woman offers when he knows her to be displeased with him. Truly do I wish I could find such amusement in your words.”

“You were amused,” she reminded him.

“I was relieved, kerima, and happy that I had not done such damage as could not be corrected.”

“There you go again, dismissing everything I’ve said. What’s been done can’t be corrected, Challen. You took a simple lesson in discipline and turned it into a demonstration of barbarian mercy-the lack thereof. You overdid it.”

“I know.”

Tedra frowned up at him, sure she had heard him right, but also sure she’d missed something. “Come again? What do you mean, you know?”

“Your punishment continued much longer than was called for.”

“You’re confessing you’re a sadist, right?” she quipped sarcastically. “Somehow I’d already guessed.”

That brought a frown to match her own. “I am confessing that I so abhorred the duty that was mine, aid was needed to see it done. I took that aid without knowing what the actual results would be.”

“Wait a minute. Aid, as in agent? Aid, as in character-changer? You took a farden drug?”

“It can be called such, yes.”

She could only stare at him, not sure whether she wanted to laugh or be furious. The big, brave barbarian needing help to discipline the little woman? That was funny. It was also kind of touching, if the reason was really what he had said-whoa, auto-reverse that. She wasn’t actually going to let that make a difference, was she? Not farden likely.

“So you didn’t like the duty that was yours? You could have fooled me, babe. I was still punished, as I recall, so your hating it or not doesn’t cut ice from where I sit.”

“Nor did it, as you say, ‘cut ice’ for me either. I regret there was a need for discipline. That does not mean I could ignore that need.”

“Don’t give me that. You’re the head honcho around here, the shodan. You can do anything you farden well please.”

“And it pleases me, kerima, to see to your safety. If this includes assuring you obey rules made for your safety-”

“I think I’m done listening, warrior,” Tedra cut in frostily. “When you make up your mind which it was you felt, pleasure or abhorrence, let me know and we can discuss it again. On second thought, don’t. This subject’s about thirty feet underground already.”

“You will listen,” he said, annoyance with her attitude making his voice stern and commanding. “I have yet to beg your forgiveness. I do so now.”

“That’s a little barbarian humor, right? You want forgiveness when you’ve just admitted you’re not at all sorry? You’ll pardon me if I don’t feel like laughing.”

Frustrated, that hand she’d been worrying about came up to place a finger over her lips. “Not another word from you until I have finished.”

He waited for her to nod in compliance. She didn’t feel like nodding, but he wasn’t going to go on until she did, and his patience was infinite compared with hers, which had already expired. So she nodded, but that didn’t get her lips unsmashed. He wasn’t taking any chances.

“A warrior will do what must be done regardless of his feelings on the matter. Do you require additional discipline, make no mistake, woman, you will receive it. But it will not be done again with the carelessness and lack of regard shown you the previous darkness. There can be no excuse for that lack of concern, for my being so unaware of what I was doing that the doing went far beyond what was required. The irresponsibility was mine in not facing what was. required without aid, but more in not knowing the full consequence of that aid beforehand. The blame is mine. The regret is mine. It is doubtful even your forgiveness will relieve me of all the guilt I feel, yet do I earnestly beg it of you. Will you give it, chemar?”

He removed his finger from her lips and waited, but Tedra truly didn’t know what to say. The nightmare hadn’t actually been deliberate on his part? Could that really be true? Would he say it was if it wasn’t?