"Do you understand," he asked obliquely, "that only during Renewal do we practice our—religions? For the sake of analogy, you could regard Aliom as my religion, and myself as a professional promulgator of it—a priest. But that is true only during Renewal. Aliom provides the philosophy on which the Oliat functions. Once, only once, I reversed that philosophy, inverted it. Hence, I am known as an Invert. To many, it makes no difference, to others I'm a purveyor of evil. Thus, there are Dushau who will regard you as they would any Ephemeral, and there are those who'd consider you tainted by association with me."
Before she could consider her words, she heard herself ask, "Is that why you were exiled from Dushaun?"
While he looked stunned, she thought, Where did I ever get that impression? But he answered mildly, "Not really. I thought you'd be more concerned about whether you, yourself, care to associate with an Invert."
So he is in exile! But somehow she wasn't horrified. She ached with the sadness of it. "To figure out what an Invert is, I'd first have to learn the Aliom philosophy. Since we only have a few more days to Razum, I guess that's going to have to wait awhile. But I am interested."
"You'll find Arlai's library is complete on the subject. If >ou discover you do not wish to associate with me, say so."
"Why are you always trying to get rid of me? Is it that you don't wish to associate with me?"
"No. Krinata." She couldn't doubt his sincerity. "I don't ever want you to feel trapped. I dislike that feeling too much myself.''
"All right, then let's make a bargain. You stop trying to get me to quit, and I'll promise to let you know if I want out. Deal?"
He regarded her oddly, then he grinned. "Deal."
She hardly saw Jindigar during the rest of her convalescence, and never had a chance to apologize for the foolish stunt she'd pulled in space. She began to wonder if he was avoiding her. It couldn't have been comfortable for him to confess to being an Invert. He could have no idea how she would react, and neither did she.
She did pull out volumes of Aliom philosophy, but it was too boring. From what she did glean, she couldn't imagine how it could be "inverted." So she found herself mulling over the things Jindigar had done. For one thing, he'd never lied to her. He often withheld information, but only because he felt it irrelevant. When asked a direct question, he answered candidly. He gave himself unstintingly to his personal loyalties. He never blamed another for his personal failings or turns of fortune. His gratitude was boundless. His courage put hers to shame, and that despite being "evolved prey." And his innate joy in life, and optimism somehow fired up her own will to live. If that was "Inverted" then she didn't think she'd like right-side-up.
So whatever he'd done, it must have violated some cultural taboo that would be meaningless to her. That's how it often was between species; what was cause for ostracism in one society was a good laugh in another. She was too cosmopolitan to take such things seriously.
Eventually, she discovered Jindigar was spending most of his time in Arlai's core room, with Grisnilter, or on the bridge. Trying to restore normality, she presented herself for bridge duty still wearing Arlai's telemband, knowing she didn't have the stamina for a full workload yet.
She seated herself in the vacant captain's chair, noting that Trassle was on duty, though his exoskeleton bore a crack along his chest which Arlai had mended with a cement that didn't quite match his coloring. She looked around, saw Jindigar peering at her from an access panel, and asked, half rising from the chair, "Or is Terab playing captain now?"
He scrambled to his feet and came toward her, saying so quietly she thought Trassle wouldn't hear, "As much as I admire Terab, even when she recovers from her losses, I will not give her Arlai's central keys."
She looked up into his swirling indigo eyes. "Because you regret giving them to me? Look, there's something I've been wanting to say. I'm sorry I insisted on going out into space with you. I'm too much of an amateur."
"What happened wasn't your fault."
"An experienced spacer would have noticed the pressure settings! It was my responsibility to check that suit."
"It was Arlai's responsibility," groaned Jindigar, and as he spoke he sat on the instrument panel before her, toying with switches. "This is the first time, in all the years we've been together, that Arlai has failed. Sentients just don't make that kind of mistake. Krinata, I've been checking his circuits ever since it happened. If I'd known Arlai's error with the suit had caused you to take that deep dive, I wouldn't have trusted him to mail us that air/thruster pack—"
"What did you think caused me to deep dive?"
"Your psychological state. It happens sometimes, you know. Every species, even Dushau, experience a link with the cosmos on an unconscious level. And I know being ripped from the moorings of your life and thrown into harrowing challenge after heartstopping risk is enough to disturb anyone's unconscious. I never cease to be amazed at how you've survived it all without knowing your epistemology."
"Maybe epistemology isn't as important to a human as to a Dushau?" She'd looked up the word, glanced through some philosophy texts, and decided she wasn't going to invent herself an epistemology, nor adopt one. And all the Aliom texts seemed to be about nothing else.
"Perhaps," he pronounced dubiously.
She turned back to her plotting board, to change the subject. "It says here Truth will orbit Razum Two in five days. After we pick up your Lehiroh, then what?"
He sighed, announcing a decision that seemed to tear his heart as he tried to argue himself into the logic of it. "We've got a full passenger load, the Imperials are alerted and there's no way we can make Atridm and Canbera without being tracked. And it all would be for nothing since, by the time we can get to Atridm, the pogrom will have run to completion. My friends would be either dead or safe of their own efforts. Arlai's picked up word that one of Trassle's documents has finally surfaced, and the Kings are investigating. I can't see any good is going to come of that, but anybody who wants to be left on Razum can debark there, because our next destination will be Phanphihy."
"Where our troubles will be just beginning." She keyed "Razum Two to Phanphihy" into Arlai's plotting board, and said, "How are we going to contact these Lehiroh?"
"Easy. You see, I've been invited to the wedding of the four I'm looking for."
Wedding? Lehiroh didn't marry.
But Jindigar interpreted her blank look as skepticism. "Arlai assures me Razum Two is almost untouched by the madness afflicting the rest of the Allegiancy. Duke Nodrial has a strong militaristic grip on the populace of the Nineteen Stars, and a firm alliance with two other Dukes and the King of the Treptians. Arlai says Nodrial's massing a force to move against Zinzik, and he needs a stable launching base. So he's clamped an iron rule on Razum's population.
"For the most part, the people hardly notice, though. Razum, remember, is a Lehiroh multicolony. It was started by a group of Lehiroh religious dissidents who gathered passionately dedicated religious cults from several species. They tend their own lives and ignore the secular government. As long as exports are high, Nodrial leaves Razum Two alone. So this will probably be the easiest masquerade of the lot."
"Will you go as Rrrelloleh?"
"Yes, he was never seen, and there is a Lehrtrili population on Razum. It's plausible that one might invite himself to a Lehiroh wedding. There are also many humans, but no Cassrians or Dushau, and not many Holot."