“Who did this to you, Jessie?” Jimmy asked. I tried to answer him but couldn’t get any words out. Which is probably just as well, considering what I was trying to say. I think it was “My father.”
Jessie snuffed out her cigarette, then looked down at the top newsprint photograph. The narrow, freakish face of Raymond Andrew Joubert gazed raptly back… just as he had gazed at her from the corner of the bedroom on the first night, and from her recently deceased husband’s study on the second. Almost five minutes passed in this silent contemplation. Then, with the air of one who starts awake from a brief doze, Jessie lit a fresh cigarette and turned back to her letter. The copy-minder now announced she was on page seven. She stretched, listened to the minute crackling sounds from her spine, then began to touch the keys again. The cursor resumed its dance.
Twenty minutes later-twenty minutes during which I discovered how sweet and concerned and amusingly daffy men can be (Lonnie Dakin asked me if I’d like some Midol)-I was in a Rescue Services ambulance, headed for Northern Cumberland Hospital with the flashers flashing and the siren wailing. An hour after that I was lying in a crank-up bed, watching blood run down a tube into my arm and listening to some country music asshole sing about how tough his life had been since his woman left him and his pickup truck broke down.
That pretty well concludes Part One of my story, Ruth-call it Little Nell Across the Ice, or, How I Escaped Handcuffs and Made My Way to Safety. There are two other parts, which I think of as The Aftermath and The Kicker. I’m going to scamp on The Aftermath, partly because it’s only really interesting if you’re into skin-grafts and pain, but mostly because I want to get to The Kicker before I get too tired and computer-woozy to tell it the way I need to tell it. And the way you deserve to have it told, come to think of it. That idea just occurred to me, and it’s nothing but the bald-assed truth, as we used to say. After all, without The Kicker I probably wouldn’t be writing you at all.
Before I get to it, though, I have to tell you a little more about Brandon Milheron, who really sums up that Aftermath period for me. It was during the first part of my recovery, the really ugly part, that Brandon came along and more or less adopted me. I’d like to call him a sweet man, because he was there for me during one of the most hellacious times of my life, but sweetness isn’t really what he’s about-seeing things through is what Brandon is about, and keeping all the sightlines clear, and making sure all the right ducks stay in a row. And that isn’t right, either-there’s more to him than that and he’s better than that but the hour groweth late, and it will have to do. Suff ice it to say that for a man whose job it was to look out for a conservative law-firm’s interests in the wake of a potentially nasty situation involving one of the senior partners, Brandon did a lot of hand-holding and encouraging. Also, he never gave me hell for crying on the lapels of his natty three-piece suits. If that was all, I probably wouldn’t be going on about him, but there’s something else, as well. Something he did for me only yesterday. Have faith, kid-we’re getting there.
Brandon and Gerald worked together a lot over the last fourteen months of Gerald’s life-a suit involving one of the major supermarket chains up here. They won whatever it was they were supposed to win, and, more important for yours truly, they established a good rapport. I have an idea that when the old sticks that run the firm get around to taking Gerald’s name off the letterhead, Brandon’s will take its place. In the meantime, he was the perfect person for this assignment, which Brandon himself described as damage control during his first meeting with me in the hospital.
He does have a kind of sweetness about him-yes, he does-and he was honest with me from the jump, but of course he still had his own agenda from the beginning. Believe me when I say my eyes are wide open on that score, my dear; I was, after all, married to a lawyer for almost two decades, and I know how fiercely they compartmentalize the various aspects of their lives and personalities. It’s what allows them to survive without having too many breakdowns, I suppose, but it’s also what makes so many of them utterly loathsome.
Brandon was never loathsome, but he was a man with a mission: keep a lid on any bad publicity that might accrue to the firm. That meant keeping a lid on any bad publicity that might accrue to either Gerald or me, of course. This is the sort of job where the person doing it can wind up getting screwed by a single stroke of bad luck, but Brandon still took it like a shot… and to his further credit, he never once tried to tell me he took the job out of respect for Gerald’s memory. He took it because it was what Gerald himself used to call a career-maker-the kind of job that can open a quick shortcut to the next echelon, if it turns out well. It is turning out well for Brandon, and I’m glad. He treated me with a great deal of kindness and compassion, which is reason enough to be happy for him, I guess, but there are two other reasons, as well. He never got hysterical when I told him someone from the press had called or come around, and he never acted as if I were just a job-only that and nothing more. Do you want to know what I really think, Ruth? Although I am seven years older than the man I’m telling you about and I still look folded, stapled, and mutilated, I think Brandon Milheron may have fallen a little bit in love with me… or with the heroic Little Nell he sees in his mind’s eye when he looks at me. I don’t think it’s a sex thing with him (not yet, anyway; at a hundred and eight pounds, I still look quite a bit like a plucked chicken hanging in a butcher shop window), and that’s fine with me; if I never go to bed with another man, I will be absolutely delighted. Still, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like seeing that look in his eyes, the one that says I’m part of his agenda now-me, Jessie Angela Mahout Burlingame, as opposed to an inanimate lump his bosses probably think of as That Unfortunate Burlingame Business. I don’t know if I come above the firm on Brandon’s agenda, or below it, or right beside it, and I don’t care. It is enough to know that I’m on it, and that I’m something more than a
Jessie paused here, tapping her left forefinger against her teeth and thinking carefully. She took a deep drag on her current cigarette, then went on.
than a charitable side-effect.
Brandon was right beside me during all the police interviews, with his little tape-recorder going. He politely but relentlessly pointed out to everyone present at every interview-including stenographers and nurses-that anyone who leaked the admittedly sensational details of the case would face all the nasty reprisals a large New England law-firm with an exceedingly tight ass could think up. Brandon must have been as convincing to them as he was to me, because no one in the know ever talked to the press.
The worst of the questioning came during the three days I spent in “guarded conditional Northern Cumberland-mostly sucking up blood, water, and electrolytes through plastic tubes. The police reports that came out of those sessions were so strange they actually looked believable when they showed up in the papers, like those weird man-bites-dog stories they run from time to time. Only this one was actually a dog-bites-man story… and woman as well, in this version. Want to hear what’s going into the record books? Okay, here it is:
We decided to spend the day at our summer home in western Maine. Following a sexual interlude that was two parts tussle and one part sex, we showered together. Gerald left the shower while I was washing my hair. He was complaining of gas pains, probably from the sub sandwiches we ate on our way from Portland, and asked if there were any Rolaids or Turns in the house. I said I didn’t know, but they’d be on top of the bureau or on the bed-shelf it there were. Three or four minutes later, while I was rinsing my hair, I heard Gerald cry out. This cry apparently signalled the onset of a massive coronary. It was followed by a heavy thump-the sound of a body striking the floor. I jumped out of the shower, and when I ran into the bedroom, my feet went out from under me. I hit my head on the side of the bureau as I went down and knocked myself out.