Abandoning the donuts, I moved to defuse what looked like a ticking bomb. "Good morning, Councilwoman," I said brightly. "You're looking senatorial today or should I say Madame Speaker-ish?"
The councilwoman ignored my greeting, swung around to face the cop. Only then did I realize the policeman was my friend Eddie Franzetti.
"Look at the condition of this sidewalk," the councilwoman told Officer Eddie with theatrical outrage. "There's garbage everywhere. It's just a disgrace, and a clear violation of the town's sanitation ordinances. I want you to issue a littering ticket to this business, right now."
I looked down at the pavement around my feet. Okay, there were a few gum wrappers, paper cups, and napkins blowing around, but there was still more than an hour before we opened our doors-plenty of time for me to sweep the sidewalk.
"Excuse me!" I interrupted. "We have an entire hour to deal with this little bit of rubbish, and we will."
I was proud of taking a stand, but Marjorie Binder-Smith didn't appear impressed with my little protest. In fact, she was wearing the same smirk she'd worn the day she'd temporarily halted the restoration of the Movie Town Theater over some minor ordinance violation. It had taken an entire month for Brainert to straighten out the red tape-and it had cost him and his investors quite a bit of cash, too.
"The ticket stands," the councilwoman declared with a note of finality. But her eyes were still boring into mine, as if waiting for me to challenge her. I was about to open my mouth when Bud Napp stepped between us.
"Now wait just a doggone minute, Councilwoman," Bud said. "Everyone knows that storefront businesses have until opening hours to clean their sidewalks. It's standard practice around here."
"What you people collectively do for your own convenience has nothing to do with the official rules on the town's books, Mr. Napp," the woman shot back. "And if it's not on the books, it doesn't exist. Not where I come from."
Where's that? Down in the bunker with Eva and Adolph?
"Shut it!" I told Jack.
The councilwoman wheeled. "What did you say to me, Mrs. McClure?"
Uh-oh. "Did I say that out loud?"
Don't fold now, baby. Show some backbone!
I knew Jack meant well, but I suspected arguing would only make things worse.
"Write that ticket, Officer Franzetti," Marjorie commanded.
Eddie frowned as he opened his ticket book. He began to scribble, his eyes avoiding mine.
"Come on, Marjorie," Bud said, stepping up to the woman. "Cut Pen a break. A warning is all she should get. She doesn't know about the town's ordinance."
"Ignorance of the law is no excuse!" Marjorie asserted.
Bud turned crimson. "Having an ignoramus like you write our laws is no excuse, either!"
Now we're getting somewhere! Jack boomed in my head.
I ignored Jack and jumped between the two. "Look, it's no big deal. Take it easy."
An elbow dug into my ribs and I was thrust aside. "What did you call me?" the councilwoman cried.
"I called you an ignoramus," Bud said. "I'd also like to add that you are a petty bureaucrat on some kind of twisted power trip!"
I tried to step between them again, but Seymour pulled me back. "Let Bud go, Pen. Someone should have put a stake in that woman's heart and filled her mouth with garlic a long time ago."
"I heard that!" Marjorie cried, wheeling on Seymour. "You'll be very sorry you said that, Mailman. And that goes double for you, Mr. Napp."
I heard paper tear. Eddie Franzetti slipped the ticket into my hand.
"What's going on here?" Aunt Sadie finally made an appearance, but not from inside the store. She was hurrying up to our group from down the street, carrying a Bogg's Office Supply and Stationery bag. "What's this?" she asked, snatching the ticket from my fingers.
"It's a littering citation," Officer Franzetti informed her.
"A two-hundred-dollar fine!" Sadie cried.
Eddie shrugged. "I don't make the rules."
Marjorie Binder-Smith was still sputtering. Finally she managed a coherent sentence. "I am going to sue you for slander, Bud Napp. You wait and see!" Then she faced Seymour. "And let's just see where you can park that ice cream truck of yours after the next town council meeting!"
"You leave my ice cream truck out of this!" Seymour shot back.
Bud stepped up to the councilwoman again. "You have more to worry about that an ice cream truck, Marjorie. I've decided. Right here and now-I'm going to run against you in the fall election. You wait and see-"
The woman blinked. "What?"
"I'm going to run against you and I'm going to beat you, too," Bud declared. "And when I take charge, I'm going to teach that band of parasites called a town council that you don't have to stick it to the small-business owners to raise town revenues. Got it?!"
For a moment, it was so quiet you could have heard a gum wrapper drop (which probably would have earned me a second ticket). Marjorie glared at Bud for a good ten seconds but said nothing more to him. Instead, she whirled to face Eddie. "You come with me now. The sidewalk in front of that baker up the street is a mess, and so is the area around your family's pizza kitchen-"
Eddie stopped in his tracks. The councilwoman placed her hands on her hips. "Or you can forget writing tickets, and I'll have a conversation with Chief Ciders about how one of his officers shows favoritism in how he applies the law."
Marjorie spun around and headed for Cooper Family Bakery. Eddie hesitated for a moment-no doubt thinking about his wife and children, and pondering what they'd do if he lost his job.
With an air of defeat, he followed the councilwoman across the street.
"That witch," Sadie hissed, narrowing her eyes at the departing sweater set.
"I prefer vampire," Seymour noted.
I turned to Bud. "Did you mean what you said, Bud? Are you really going to run against Marjorie?"
Bud watched the councilwoman's back, squinting like a sniper taking aim. "You bet I am!"
Sadie exchanged glances with me. "Good!" we both said.
I retrieved the donuts and as Bud locked up his truck, I thanked him again.
"No trouble, Pen. Sure you don't need help getting those things inside?" he asked.
I shook my head. " Seymour will help me."
"Then I'm heading over to the theater." Bud climbed into his truck. "I want to check out the place before Brainert opens for the matinee."
"What are you looking for?" I asked.
Bud's face darkened. "I don't know."
Seconds later, the van's engine roared, and Bud was speeding away. When I returned to the front door, Sadie was fumbling in her pocket for the keys.
"Where were you?" I asked.
"That banner behind the podium kept on falling," Sadie said. "I ran to the office supply store to buy industrial-strength staples."
"That's okay, but you might have missed the delivery of Dr. Lilly's books."
Sadie shook her head. "No chance of that. Dr. Lilly's inside-"
"Then why didn't she answer?" said Seymour. "I pressed the doorbell twice already!" He paused. "Hey, that's funny. I'm the postman. And I rang twice!"
"I pressed it once myself," I told Sadie, ignoring the sound of Seymour laughing at his own joke, "before the councilwoman stopped by to brighten our day."
Sadie turned the key in the handle and pushed the door open.
"I didn't bother with the dead bolt," she said. "Since the store's occupied."
The little bell above the door tinkled as Sadie crossed the threshold. Seymour was next, then me.
"Dr. Lilly?" I called. My voice sounded hollow in the empty shop.
I set the donuts on the check-out counter and Seymour set down the coffee containers, then tugged a handkerchief out of his pocket and dabbed sweat from his brow.
"I think I deserve a free cup of Joe," he panted. "And another doughnut."