The Countess Krak was in some hotel room, eating a late breakfast. The thought struck me that if I could find what hotel it was, I could get her commitment served and get her put away before she finished me!
But the silverware initials bore no clue. I watched alertly for some time, hoping that her eye would light upon something which would identify her whereabouts.
A knock on the door and Bang-Bang came in. He was carrying a huge mound of newspapers.
"I don't like to give you these, Miss Joy. Because if I do, you're going to get mad."
She took the top one. Headlines!
WHIZ KID FACING
CRIMINAL CHARGES
NEW SUITS PLAGUE
NOTORIOUS OUTLAW
In a bombshell development in Superior Court yesterday, Judge Hammer Twist set into motion the international actions which may bring Wister, the Whiz Kid, to sterilization and life imprisonment.
The deadly charge of the rape of a minor hovered above the head of the beleaguered outlaw.
New suits levied by Maizie Spread, Toots Switch and Dolores Pubiano de Copula are certain to bring ruin and devastation to the hunted criminal....
The Countess Krak grabbed another paper. Then she grabbed a third. Then a fourth!
"BLAST!" she said. "There's no slightest mention of the cancellation of the other suits or dismissal of the false charges of bigamy! Are they on the radio or TV?"
Bang-Bang shook his head.
"I don't understand it!" wailed the Countess. "The readers are left to think those charges still exist!"
"Well, that's the way the media is," said Bang-Bang. "Their whole business is bad news. That's all they print. Any good news isn't news as far as they are concerned. Just look at the other stories on those pages there. All bad news, death and disaster. They got the insane idea that only bad news sells papers."
"But they don't even say those hussies had committed perjury and were sent to jail!" said the Countess Krak.
"Maybe that would be good news," said Bang-Bang. "You got to face it, Miss Joy. The media is as crazy as a coot."
"I don't believe that's the whole explanation," said the Countess Krak. "It looks like managed news to me."
"No, it doesn't have to be. I knew some reporters once. I've had my own brushes with the press, you know: one time they attributed a car bombing to me in the headlines and then, in little type way down at the bottom, mentioned I was still in jail. So I asked one of these reporters how come. And he said that even when the reporter got the news straight, the managing editor made him write it the other way around. Sensation sells papers is what he said. It isn't news they're selling, but entertainment. That's what he told me. And two or three times since, seeing what they've printed about Jet and the trouble they've dug him into, I've come up with the idea for some real entertainment: rigging the cars of some publishers and managing editors. You wouldn't consider it, would you?" he added hopefully.
"Well, I admit," said the Countess Krak, crumpling up a paper, "that it would be a very entertaining project. But I don't think we have time for it. I want to get all this finished and get Jettero somewhere nice and safe. He's delicate in some ways."
"I hadn't noticed," said Bang-Bang.
"Yes, he is. He's a gentleman and has a sense of decency."
"I have noticed that," said Bang-Bang.
"So somebody has to protect him from women," said the Countess Krak conclusively. "You understand, of course."
"No," said Bang-Bang.
"Well, he wouldn't even aim a blastgun at a woman, not even one as bad as these hussies."
"Hey," said Bang-Bang brightly, "you mean we're going to get my M-l and have some target practice?"
"No, no," said the Countess. "That wouldn't do any good. Even if they were lying there dead, they'd still think of something vicious."
"That's pretty incredible," said Bang-Bang.
"No. I know such women. Criminal types. No ladylike sensibilities. And if we shot them, which I will admit they certainly deserve, I also know Jettero. He would feel sorry for them. No, we will not indulge ourselves by gunning down these sluts. You already had the best idea. What progress have you made in locating the double?"
"I got so worried about your reaction to the media that I didn't tell you what I should have told you when I first came in. Now I'm suppressing good news. He has surfaced."
"Aha."
"Yep. This reporter I know told me that the girls were holding a big press conference this morning, all about how this Whiz Kid is underprivileging women. That will hit the afternoon and tomorrow morning editions. And then the double will appear on ABC's 'Weirdo World' at 3:30 tomorrow afternoon, housewife prime time."
"Bang-Bang! That's wonderful news!"
"Yeah, I gotta stop reading newspapers. I'm getting like them! So anyway, he's taken advantage of this lull Judge Twist gave him to pop up, and he's going to tell the housewives how wonderful he is, I guess, or how come he's underprivileging them or something. But he'll be there. Live."
"Just what we need! And it gives us time to prepare. Not much, but enough. Quick, quick, Bang-Bang, there are some things I need. Go bring the van around right away. Oh, this is going to be great!"
Bang-Bang rushed out and she was getting into a light coat.
I didn't wait.
I called Eagle Eye Security.
"We've got her!" I said. "She'll be in the vicinity of the 'Weirdo World' talk show, ABC, tomorrow afternoon at 3:30, to kidnap the Whiz Kid."
"Hey, hey!" said the cigar-husky voice. "My men will be right on the job. Specials, too. Now that we know exactly what she looks like, she can't even disguise herself! Fifty big ones in the bag. Easiest money anyone ever made. You'll get your cut."
I could almost forego my cut. Whatever happened to me, I would have gotten rid of the Countess Krak!
Then I could take care of Heller.
And I might even think of something to save myself!
The world looked much brighter!
It is marvelous what heights of bravery extreme duress can lift one to: I decided I would be present at that talk show to guarantee the capture of the deadly Countess Krak.
The idea came to me that very evening as I puffed my second bhong to still my nerves and get ready for the two new girls.
Teenie unexpectedly had dropped by on her way home from school, bringing a strawberry and sausage pizza, the latest thing, for Adora and Candy.
They sat there, the three of them, eating it, and Teenie had been telling them how the Hong Kong whore detested homos, wouldn't have them on her staff and couldn't abide the sight of them-a complete reversal of the tale she had told me a day or two before. But the mention of homos had made my hands freeze and I had dropped my slice.
"Look at that (bleep)," Adora had said. "He's shaking like a dog (bleeping) bricks."
"Oh, I can fix that," Teenie had assured her, and had promptly gotten out the bhong, stuffed it and coached how long one held each puff. For some reason, I had not gone into panic but had begun to sink in a soft, gray haze. Then she loaded it up again and made sure I held each puff in, very deep and long.
I stopped shaking. I began to feel strangely brave.
They went back to eating pizza and Teenie began to regale them with a lecture they had given her at school on how to avoid "getting caught." She said, "It's awful funny, but they say a woman can get caught so easy you wouldn't believe it."
For some reason, everything else faded into babble and that phrase stuck with me.
The talk show!
If I disguised myself as an old woman, took Krak's viewer and worked behind the protection of Eagle Eye Security, two things would be accomplished: one, the Countess Krak could not slip out of their grasp; and two, thanks to the breaker switch I carried, THE HYPNOHELMET WOULD NOT WORK IF I WERE WITHIN TWO MILES OF IT! If she tried to get it on the Whiz Kid in that talk show, her efforts would be totally foiled.