So, as I say, I was really looking forward to Miss Simmons!

Around nine in the morning, New York time, the interference went off in his suite. But was he bustling out to go to his Sunday class? No! He was certainly taking a perverted angle on Nature Appreciation!

The first thing that came on the screen was the back of a girl’s neck. She was a brunette and she was evidently lying face down on the sofa, head to one side, arm trailing limply to the rug, the very picture of exhaustion.

Heller was stroking the back of her neck, sort of working at it with his thumbs. There was a silver pitcher on a nearby table and, in peripheral vision, I could see that he was wearing a white bathrobe and sitting on the edge of the couch above the half-naked girl.

“Oh,” she was groaning, “I think I’m going to die!”

Heller was working at the back of her neck with his thumbs. “There, there,” he said soothingly. “You’ll be all right, Myrtle.”

She groaned again. “Seventeen times is too many!”

“Can you lift your head now?” said Heller.

She tried and groaned. “I feel like I’ve been raped by an elephant.”

“I’m sorry,” said Heller.

Suddenly I understood. This monster had really been abusing this poor girl! And she was a pretty girl, too, as I could see, now that she had turned on her side.

“It is better, honey,” she said. “Jesus, I don’t want another night like that!”

Aha, so he was not as popular with these girls as I had thought!

She got up unsteadily, got hold of her robe as an afterthought and half-heartedly covered her nakedness.

“You go get a bath,” said Heller, “and a nice sleep and you’ll be fine.”

“Oh, Jesus, I hope so. Can I come back later?”

My Gods, I thought. He has effected a transference on this poor girl! Enslaved her into chronic masochism!

“I’ve got a Nature Appreciation class at one,” said Heller.

“I’ve had all the nature I can appreciate for the moment,” said Myrtle and stumbled, barefooted and half-clad from his room. The poor, abused creature.

Heller called down for some breakfast and while he was waiting, got on the phone. No wonder I couldn’t keep track of him. He was transacting business under the cover of the interference. Sneaky!

A kid came on.

“Let me talk to Mike Mutazione,” said Heller. And when the kid had put “papa” on the line, Heller said, “Sorry to bite into your Sunday, Mike. But did you get the cab?”

“Sure thing, kid. A beauty! Fix her up in no time!”

“Great. Now listen, Mike. I am sending you over a little bottle of stuff. I’ll write the full directions. But I want you to put it in the paint as an additive. That’s on the exterior body and in any of the signs you paint on it. It is easy. It just mixes into whatever paint you use. So when you get the motor and glass and body and upholstery work done, only use paint with this additive in it.”

“Makes it shinier?” said Mike.

“Something like that,” said Heller. “I’ll send the little vial over. It’ll be there by the time you’re ready.”

“Sure, kid, no trouble. The Caddy is doing fine. Bit of a holdup with the new engine but it’s on its way. So are the new alloy pistons. She’ll do 190 when we’re done.” Mike laughed. “You’ll have to keep the brakes on to keep her from taking off for the moon.”

“Take your time on it,” said Heller. “The cab I’d like yesterday.”

“You’ll get it, kid. Want to come over and go to Mass with us?”

“Today is my day for Nature Appreciation. Thanks just the same, Mike. Ciao.”

Mass? These (bleeped) Sicilians would be converting him to Christianity next!

His breakfast came, starting with a huge chocolate sundae. The waiter had no more than gone out the door when a gorgeous, slinky blonde came in.

“Hiya, Semantha,” said Heller. “Have some breakfast?”

She shook her head and sat down in a nearby chair. She indicated the door. “Myrtle was just in here, wasn’t she? Pretty boy, you’ve got to watch that Myrtle.”

Heller laughed.

“No, seriously, pretty boy. You’ve got to watch her. She’s full of wiles and tricks. I know her. Now, look, when she came in, did she do this?” Semantha loosened her robe. She didn’t have anything on under it! Was this Heller’s idea of nature appreciation?

She drew her legs to Heller’s right. “And then did she sit sideways like this?” She made sure no robe was covering her legs. “And then did she show you her naked thigh like this? And then trail her fingers along it and say that it was bruised and please look?

“Oh, you have to watch that Myrtle, pretty boy. After she’d done all that, did she stand up like this and let her robe fall off like so?

“And then did she say she had an ache in her left breast? And, typically Myrtle, hold it up like this and ask you to see if there was a bruise there?

“And then did she walk real close like this and ask you to really examine it to be sure?”

Heller was laughing. “Watch it, you’ll get ice cream on you!”

“And then,” said Semantha, “did she sort of walk around like this? Oh, you’ve got to watch her! And pick up her robe like this? And pretend she’d just noticed she was naked, like this, and trail her robe behind her like this and go into your bedroom, looking back at you like this? You watch that Myrtle, pretty boy!”

“The bed isn’t made,” said Heller.

He could see what she was doing now from the multiple reflecting mirrors in the bedroom. “Then,” continued Semantha, “did she poke at your bed like this? And then wonder if it was softer than hers and could she please get in it like this?”

Semantha had gotten in, but not under the covers. She was stretched out stark naked on the bed, legs apart. “And then did she stroke her body like this? Did she, pretty boy? She takes some watching, that Myrtle does! And then did she raise her arms toward you like this and move her hips around like that and tell you that she was feeling sort of empty and needed…”

“Semantha,” said Heller. “Get out of that bed and come in here.”

“Oh, pretty boy,” she pouted. “You’re going to make me stand up and hold that position while you…”

The interference came on. Well, I didn’t need to see any more. It was obvious that he was one of those weirdos that liked odd positions.

Why the Hells couldn’t that (bleeped) taxi driver rush up Utanc? I went out petulantly to call him. He didn’t know what he was putting me through. I tried for quite a while and couldn’t get him. I kicked around the yard and then had dinner.

Actually, I was outraged at Heller’s idea of preparing himself for a Nature Appreciation class. How he could go from his dark den of vice into the bright sunlit world without his conscience withering, I did not know. He was not fit to associate with the dear little children and the charming Miss Simmons in their coming outing. But I knew I could count on Miss Simmons! Heller would catch it! A firm character, Miss Simmons!