Hair came off under his nails. When he shook his hand, the falling hairs glinted briefly in the moonlight from the window before falling. What was this? He’d never lost hair before! He scratched his head, pulled his hand free and found a number of long strands dangling from his nails.

Stress and worry, he told himself. The effects of the acidic river water. That was all. He scratched more slowly along his jawline. His fingernail caught under something, lifted it. No. He moved his finger carefully, found the edge of the next scale. He caught the edge of it, lifted until it pulled painfully against his skin. Not a fleck of dirt, not dry skin. A scale growing on his face. A line of scales on his jaw. He felt dizzy and sick.

He walked his fingers up the nape of his neck, feeling the thin line of scales that followed his spine there. They were fine and flat now, like the scales on a trout. There were little scales growing on his scalp, loosening his hair as the scales replaced the hair. He felt his chapped lips with his fingertips. Not there yet. His breath came faster. But soon there would be, and the scales on his jaw and brows and on the nape of his neck would grow thick and curved and horny as hoof.

You are unhappy?

He slammed his thoughts shut and ignored the floating sense of confusion that followed his exclusion of Relpda. His heart was thudding in his ears. Could this be real? It was an awful dream. He dared himself, then scratched his head violently with both hands. When he lowered them, strands of hair clotted his fingers. He shook them free and then hastily left the galley, letting the door bang shut behind him.

He started to head for his room, but halted halfway there. What was he going to do? Go inside his glorified packing crate, curl up on his pallet of rags and whimper to himself? Hadn’t he done enough of that lately? Hadn’t he learned it did nothing?

The bow of the ship was nosed up on the stream’s delta of sand. It overlooked the bonfire and the dragons and the keepers eating and talking together. He turned the other way, towards the stern and walked aft. Here he had a view of the glinting river as it flowed swiftly past the ship. Overhead, the moon was nearly full in a field of twinkling stars. He could look out and see no sign of humanity at all. The sounds of the keepers living their lives came from behind him to reach his ears. They were merry tonight. Plenty of fresh water and baked fish. All was well in their simple world. Not for him.

‘I have nothing left,’ he said to the night. He counted off his losses to himself. No Hest. No home in Bingtown. No fortune. His friendship with Alise was in shreds. No face. If he returned to Bingtown, people would turn away from him in disgust, some because Hest had cast him off and some because his beauty was gone. Among his circle, to befriend someone that Hest had cut off was rather dangerous. No respectability, no prospects. So what was there for him?

Nothing. Years of nothing ahead of him.

For three heartbeats, he considered Alise’s solution. Stay in the Rain Wilds. Never go home. But she had someone who would take her in and care for her. He had no one, save a dragon. A dragon who was devoted to him. But how long would that last, if she discovered why he had first come to the Rain Wilds? He dared not think too much about it lest she discover his thoughts. He did not understand how she could not remember that he had come by darkness, to pluck scales from her and fill vials with her blood. Did she not recall it? How could she know that about him and still care for him?

Some day, she would realize it.

He thought of what that would mean. For the first time in his life, when Relpda touched minds with him, he had actually been able to feel the love that another creature had for him. Daily her mind developed, her thoughts grew clearer and stronger. What would she feel for him when she realized that he had come to her, not as a friend but as a butcher?

And would she share that feeling with him, as she had shared her love? What would it actually be like to experience the hatred and loathing she would feel for him?

A shudder ran over him. He realized abruptly that he had not lost everything. He still had the love and regard of a simple creature. He could think of no way to avoid eventually losing that. He could not imagine enduring it. With sick certainty, he saw his only exit from his problems.

Don’t think about what he was about to do. Don’t let the dragon pick up on his thoughts and thwart him. Even warning himself brought her attention back to him. He wanted to say goodbye to her, to tell her it wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t. She’d done her best by him, saved him time after time. He felt a surprisingly sharp pang of sorrow at the thought of hurting her. He had an impulse to take off his boots and jacket. How silly was that? What difference could it make?

Sedric? Sedric?

Not right now, dear.

You are scared? Something hunts you, something comes to hurt you?

No. No, I’m fine. Everything is going to he all right.

No, you are frightened. Sad. Something is bad.

As gently as he could, he pushed her away from his thoughts. No time to waste. He could feel her clamouring outside his walls, raising an alarm with herself. Time to get it done before she could puzzle out what he was up to. He studied the water off the stern of the barge and chose a place where he could see the current running. He climbed up on the aft railing and judged the shining black water below him. Would it be deep enough and swift enough? It wouldn’t take much. He’d never been a swimmer. Jump. Just jump and don’t struggle. That was all. He deliberately exhaled, crouched and sprang.

He hit hard, slamming on his side. His head slapped something that burst into light. He thought he’d breathed out, but a weight on top of him forced a gasp from his lungs. No water. Nothing made sense. ‘Can’t … breathe …’ he wheezed out.

The weight rolled off him. Sedric sucked in a breath, and for a dazed minute could not make sense of where he was or what had just happened. His eyes focused. He lay face to face with the hunter, Carson, on the Tarman’s deck.

‘I knew you’d try something,’ Carson panted by his ear. ‘Saw it in your eyes when you left the galley earlier today. I told your dragon to let me know if she was worried. And she did.’ Carson dragged in a breath. ‘I had to run all the way up from the bonfire. You’re lucky I got here in time.’

Sedric’s body was demanding air, and all he could do was wheeze. Funny. He wanted so badly to die, but when his body wanted air, it didn’t care what his intentions were. All his thoughts stopped until he had air. When he’d had three full breaths, he asked bitterly, ‘Lucky?’

‘Very well, then. I’m lucky. I caught you in time. I didn’t have to get wet coming after you.’ Carson was smiling, very slightly. His dark eyes studied Sedric’s face. ‘Why were you trying to drown yourself?’

‘My life is over. I might as well be dead.’

‘How is that so?’

‘You should have let me go. I want to die. I’ve lost everything.’

‘Everything?’

‘Everything. Hest was finished with me. I see that now. That’s why he sent me off with Alise. I confessed it all to her, admitted everything to her. She hates me now. Or she’s very angry with me, she can’t decide which. I haven’t protected her. I betrayed her as a friend, and now she’s making a terrible mistake, but she no longer trusts me, so my warnings are useless. If I go back to Bingtown, I’ll be penniless and jobless. Hest will see that I’m despised by everyone in our circle. So I can’t go back.’ Sedric’s voice was getting ragged. He felt childish, recounting his woes to Carson in such a disorderly list. He bit his tongue before he could say a word about betraying the dragon. He still had a small chance of taking that secret to his grave. It didn’t help that the big man just regarded him with those dark eyes and that half-smile. He tried to sit up, to be away from him, but Carson’s arm across him suddenly grew heavier, pinning him down.