I confusing again when I look at “whipped cream” on little blackboard. What is that mean? How people whip the cream? I see a poster somewhere near Chinatown. On poster naked woman only wears leather boots and leather pants, and she whipping naked man kneeling down under legs. So a English chef also whipping in kitchen?

I put scones into mouth, and drink tea like horse. Next door me, I hearing somebody wanting “frothy coffee.”

A lady with a young man. She say: “Can I have a frothy coffee, please? And my friend will have a black coffee, with skimmed milk.”

It must be big work making something “skimmed,” and “frothy,” and “whipped.” Why drinking become so complicating and need so much work?

And water are even more complicating here. Maybe raining everyday here and too much water so English making lots kind water.

I thirsty from eating dry scones.

Waiter asks me: “What would you like? Tap water or filthy water?”

“What? Filthy water?” I am shocked.

“OK, filthy water.” He leave and fetch bottle of water.

I so curious about strange water. I opening bottle. I drinking it. Taste bitter, very filthy, not natural at all, like poison.

homesick

homesick adj. sad because missing one’s home or family.

In my language school, Mrs. Margaret ask me:

“Would you like some tea?”

“No,” I say.

She looking at me, her face suddenly frozen. Then she asking me again:

“Would you like some coffee then?”

“No. I don’t want.”

“Are you sure you don’t want anything?”

“No. I don’t want anything wet,” I saying loudly, precisely.

Mrs. Margaret looking very upset.

But why she asking me again and again? I already answer her from first time.

“Oh, dear.” Mrs. Margaret sigh heavy. Then she standing up, and starting make her own tea. She drink it in very thirsty way, like angry camel in the desert. I am confusing. Am I make tea for her before she asking me? But how do I know she thirsty if she not telling me directly? All this manners very complication. China not have politeness in same way.

And how to learn be polite if I not getting chance talk people? I am always alone, talking in my notebook, or wandering here and there like invisible ghost. Nobody speak to me and I not dare open my mouth first because when I start talking, I asking the rude questions.

“Excuse me, you know there are some red spots on your face?”

“Are you a bit fatter than me?”

“I don’t believe we same age. You look much older than me.”

“I think you are a very normal person. Not a special person.”

“The food you cook is disgusting. Why nobody tell you?”

I already have very famous reputation in my language school. They say: “You know that Chinese girl…” “Which one?” “That rude one of course!” I hear it several times. Maybe I need get trained from ‘“Manners International Etiquette Workshop,” which is advertisement I read on Chinese newspaper. It say:

Manners International custom tailors each etiquette program to the specific requirements of each individual, business/corporation, organization, school, Girl Scout Troop, or family.

I think I am exactly that “individual” needing to be taught there, if fee is not too expensive. Re-education is always important.

Mrs. Margaret look at me in sad way. “You must be very homesick,” she says.

Actually not missing family at all, and not missing boring little hometown also. I happy I not needing think about stinking shoes with anyhow the same style on showroom shelfs in parent factory. I glad I not having go work every day at work unit. Only thing I missing is food. Roasted ducks, fresh cut lamb meat in boiling hot pot, and red chilli spicy fish…When thinking of food, I feel I make big mistake by leaving China.

This country to me, this a new world. I not having past in this country. No memory being builded here so far, no sadness or happiness so far, only information, hundreds and thousands of information, which confuse me everyday.

Except my English class every morning, I so bored of being alone. I always alone, and talking to myself. When sky become dark, I want grab something warm in this cold country. I want find friend teach me about this strange country. Maybe I want find man can love me. A man in this country save me, take me, adopt me, be my family, be my home. Every night, when I write diary, I feeling troubled. Am I writing in Chinese or in English? I trying express me, but confusing-I see other little me try expressing me in other language.

Maybe I not need feeling lonely, because I always can talk to other “me.” Is like seeing my two pieces of lips speaking in two languages at same time. Yes, I not lonely, because I with another me. Like Austin Power with his Mini Me.

Progressive Tenses (Also called “Continuous Tenses”) Progressive tenses are made with TO BE +-ING. The most common use of the progressive form is to talk about an action or situation that is already going on at the particular moment we are thinking about. But the “going to” structure and the present progressive can also be used to talk about the future.

progressive tenses

People say “I’m going to go to the cinema…”

Why there two go for one sentence? Why not enough to say one go to go?

I am going to go to the supermarket to buy some porks?

You are going to go to the Oxford circus to buy clothes?

He is going to go to the park for a walk?

“I go” is enough to expressing “I am going to go…” Really.

This afternoon, I am going to go to cinema watch double bill-Breakfast at Tiffiny’s and Some Like it Hot. Double bill, they letting people pay one time but twice of the bill, how clever the business here! Cinema is my paradise. When a person not having any idea about real life, just walk into cinema choosing a film to see. In China, I seeing some American films, like Titanic, and Rush Hours, but of course Hollywood stars speaking Mandarin to us, and I can sing soundtrack from Titanic, “My heart goes on and on,” only in Chinese translation.

American films strange in London. People at Language School tell me use student card, I can have cheap cinema ticket. Last week I go Prince Charles in Chinatown. They say is cheapest cinema in London. Two films screening: Mohol-land Driver, and Blue Velvet. All together is more than 4 hours. Perfect for my lonely night. So I buy tickets and get in.

What crazy films! I not understanding very much the English speakings, but I understand I must never walk in highway at night alone. The world scary and strange like deep dark dream. Leaving cinema, trembling, I try find bus to home, but some mean kids teasing at each other on bus stop. Shouting and swearing bit like terrorist. Old man drunk in street and walk to me saying words I not understanding. Maybe he think I cheap. England is hopeless country, but people having everything here: Queen, Buckingham Place, Loyal Family, oldest and slowest tube, BBC, Marx & Spencer, Tesco, Soho, millennium bridge, Tate Modern, London Tower, Cider and ale, even Chinatown.

Anyway, after Breakfast at Tiffany where poor woman dressing like princess and Some Like It Hot where mans dressing like womans, I go back my new home which have low renting sixty-five pounds per week. It is ugly place. It smelling pee in every corner of street. Nearby tube station called Tottenham Hale.

House is two floors, lived by Cantonese family: housewife, husband who work as chef in Chinatown, and 16-year-old British-accent son. Is like one child policy still carried on here. The garden is concrete, no any green things. Very often little wild grass growing and come out between the concretes, but housewife pull and kill grass immediately. She is grass killer. The lush next doors trees trying come through rusty iron fence, but nothing getting in this concrete family. This house like factory place in China, just for cheap labours earning money, no life, no green, and no love.