"Why didn't you just show them your armour?" said Doctor Delirium.

"Because I didn't have it," said Tiger Tim. "The family took it back."

"I had heard… something," said Doctor Delirium. "But you learn not to trust anything, when it comes to Droods."

"My family can be very spiteful, when it chooses," said Tiger Tim. "Anyway, I learned to survive without it. I've always believed in being prepared, for absolutely anything. Down the years, I've acquired a number of really quite remarkable items, of sometimes quite appalling power and destructiveness. More than enough to compensate for the loss of my armour. And, just one of the many reasons why I am so very hard to kill."

"Have you brought any of these appalling items with you?" said the Doctor, quite casually.

"Ah. That's the question, isn't it?" Tiger Tim leant back in his chair, smiling quietly, indicating that this was as far as he was prepared to go… for the moment, at least.

"If you were having such an enjoyable time, playing Tarzan, Lord of the Undiscovered, why are you here?" Doctor Delirium said firmly.

"You scientists," Tiger Tim said admiringly. "Always so keen to get to the point. Well, I enjoyed abusing my authority over the tribe, in all kinds of amusing ways, but eventually I just ran out of things to do to them. I got bored. They were a? very limited people, and I missed all the little comforts of civilisation-like proper eating utensils, and toilet paper. But, it had been made very clear to me as I left South America, with bullets whistling past my head, that I couldn't hope to return to any civilised part of the world until I'd made myself strong and powerful enough to stare down all my many enemies, very definitely including my own family.

"Imagine my surprise when a white man turned up in my territory, looking for me. I wasn't completely cut off from the outer world, you understand. My people had been supplying drugs to a certain cartel, at my direction. They'd been using this absolutely fascinating psychedelic for centuries, as part of their religious festivals. Just one drop of the stuff, and after you've finished throwing up every meal you've ever eaten, you can have long conversations with the deity of your choice. Of course, I put a stop to all that. Thou shalt have no other god than me, on peril of some serious smiting on my part. And no, Doctor, I never took any of it myself. I'm very old-fashioned, in some respects. My body is a temple."

"Because you worship yourself?" said Doctor Delirium.

"No one likes a catty supervillain, Doctor. Now, with nothing but time on my hands, I did a little experimenting with various parts of the mixture, and found it could make any man a superman, for a time. So I had my people produce tons of the stuff, and I set up a supply line to the nearest city. My people would do anything for me. If they knew what was good for them. But I'd only just started making serious connections, when this very polite young man came all the way into the jungle to see me. He was a representative of Manifest Destiny and a man called Truman. I see you know the name, Doctor; who doesn't? It appeared he was very interested in what he called the Acceleration Drug.

"We got on famously, and I agreed to supply Manifest Destiny with all the raw materials they needed, to produce the Drug on a large scale, and in return I was promised quite staggering amounts of money, plus a high place? in the Manifest Destiny organisation, along with guaranteed protection from all my many enemies, whenever I chose to return to the civilised world. I think Truman particularly enjoyed the irony of obtaining such a weapon from a Drood; even an established rogue like me.

"Time passed. The young man came and went, keeping the connection open. Drugs went out, comforts came in. Until I got bored again. The young man, and I do wish I could remember his name, but he was a particularly bland and characterless specimen… Anyway, he made the mistake of trying to convert me to the cause of Manifest Destiny. He was a believer, you see, and thought I should be too. As though I'd ever follow any cause but mine. So I killed him, the tribe prepared him, and we ate him. I'd already introduced the tribe to the joys of cannibalism. Just for a laugh.

"Not long afterwards, word filtered through to me that Truman and his entire organisation had been stamped flat by the Droods. I've always had bad luck with timing. And I really couldn't believe it when I heard the family was now being run by London Eddie; I mean, who would have thought it? But it did mean… that I needed a new ally. I looked around, put out some feelers… and imagine my surprise when I discovered you'd just moved into a new secret base, practically on my doorstep?

"I decided this was a sign. So I killed all that was left of the tribe, to cover my tracks, ate the best bits of them, and walked through the jungle to join you here. That we might… discuss matters of mutual interest."

"Hold it," said Doctor Delirium, sitting abruptly upright in his chair. "You expect me to believe that you walked all the way here, one man on his own, through this godforsaken jungle? Packed full of large carnivorous creatures, and any number of poisonous snakes and insects? I lose at least one man every time I send a patrol out!"

"Ah," said Tiger Tim. "But they're not me. I told you, I'm prepared for absolutely everything. When I walk through the jungle,

I'm the most dangerous thing in it. I can kill with a look, or blow things up with a Word. And I do! Often just for the fun of it. And now, here I am. Ready to make you an offer you really can't afford to refuse… I hold the secret of the Acceleration Drug, that can turn any soldier into a superhuman killing machine. Think of it, my dear Doctor Delirium; an army of your very own superhumans, to fight your corner for you and enforce your will on the world. Mercenaries are all very well and good, but they're very limited, and they die so easily. Truman used his Accelerated Men against my family, and proved they were a match even for Droods in their armour. Wouldn't you just love to be able to tell the Droods to shove it, after all they've done to you?"

"You're right," said Doctor Delirium, after a moment. "Your offer is very tempting. But your reputation precedes you, Tiger Tim. I'll need a lot of persuading before I will accept you as a partner in crime."

"Indeed," said Tiger Tim. "Tell me, my dear Doctor Delirium; have you ever heard of something called the Apocalypse Door?"

The recording stopped abruptly. I looked for more files, but if there were any, the Doctor had wiped them all.

I searched on through his files, letting the armour do most of the hard work, and discovered, very much to my surprise, that Doctor Delirium really was a scientific genius. The work he'd done in his various labs was nothing short of astonishing. He'd taken entirely minor illnesses, and genetically re-created them as killer plagues that would have ravaged the world, if my family hadn't stopped him, every time. He'd taken inconveniences, and turned them into monsters. If only the Doctor had been as interested in producing cures, he could have been the Great Man of Science he'd always wanted to be.

I always said we underestimated the man.

I was struggling to open a really stubborn file marked Existential Technology, when the file disappeared suddenly from the monitor screen, replaced by a face I? knew very well. Tiger Tim looked out at me with much amusement.

"Well now. What on earth is a Drood field agent doing in Doctor Delirium's private office?"

I studied him from behind my anonymous golden mask. "Timothy Drood, rogue and scumbag. How did you know I was here?"

"Call me Tiger Tim. That computer you're using was programmed to sound the alert at my end, if anyone tried to access that particular file. Can't have just anyone learning the true nature and function of the Apocalypse Door, can we?"